Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh

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1. A German shepherd went to a Western Union office A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof.. woof..woof…woof.” The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied “What, and ruin the punchline?!”...
2. Falling down There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would […]...
3. The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit […]...
4. A fine sermon A man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressed with the preacher’s sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand. “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon.” The preacher says “Why thank you sir, but we don’t used profanity in the house of the […]...
5. Перевод слова height Height – высота, вышина, рост Перевод слова Wall six feet in height – стена высотой в шесть футов what is her height? – какого она роста? at the height of one’s success – на вершине успеха Height is a function of age. Рост человека зависит от возраста. What’s the Height of the building? Какова высота […]...
6. The Cesium song 11 Cesium Glows (Tune, Love’s a Rose – Neil Young) Cesium glows, but you better not lick it, It’s fire grows when it’s on the tongue. Lips full of holes, you’ll know you’ve kissed it, Just take a bite if you want to die young. I want to see what’s never been seen, I want to […]...
7. A lost skill This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. “This mower work, son?” the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, “Sure does – just pull on the cord hard, though.” The preacher took the mower home and when he got […]...
8. Значение идиомы grow up [grow up] {v.} 1. To increase in size or height; become taller orolder; reach full height. Johnny is growing up; his shoes are toosmall for him. I grew up on a farm. The city has grown upsince I was young. 2. To become adult in mind or judgment; become oldenough to think or decide in […]...
9. Перевод идиомы the warp and woof, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: the warp and woof Перевод: основа, суть Пример: He foresaw great changes in the warp and woof of the nation’s economy. Он предвидел большие изменения в основе экономики государства....
10. Перевод слова tongue Tongue – язык, речь, болтать Перевод слова Causticity of his tongue – язвительность его языка the frog’s tongue – язычок лягушки ready tongue – хорошо подвешенный язык His Tongue is too long for his teeth. У него слишком длинный язык. He has a ready Tongue. Он за словом в карман не полезет. I knew him […]...
11. A dangerous animal The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in […]...
12. The Preacher buys a Parrot A preacher is buying a parrot. “Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher. “Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him. “Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he […]...
13. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
14. Значение идиомы at the tip of one’s tongue [at the tip of one’s tongue] or [on the tip of one’s tongue] {adv. phr.} {informal} 1. Almost spoken; at the point of being said. It was at the tip of my tongue to tell him, when the phone rang. John had a rude answer on the tip of his tongue, but he remembered his […]...
15. Перевод слова boom Boom – бум, резкий подъем, шумиха Перевод слова Business boom – подъем деловой активности economic boom – экономический подъем postwar boom – послевоенный бум The clock Boomed out three. Часы гулко пробили три. The state’s business is Booming. Деловая активность в штате быстро растет. “What’s going on here?” he Boomed. “Что здесь творится?” – прогремел […]...
16. A couple came upon a wishing well A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”...
17. Marriage-family. Женитьба, замужество, семья, возраст Женитьба, замужество She is married. Она замужем. He got married. Он женился. Are you married? Ты замужем? / Ты женат? Whom is he married to? На ком он женат? They are engaged. Они помолвлены. Семья Do you have children? У тебя есть дети? Yes, I have two kids / children. Да, у меня двое детей. […]...
18. Presidential Election worries Presidential Election’2000 Dear Abby, I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other […]...
19. Значение идиомы keep the faith [keep the faith] {v. phr.} To not abandon hope; stay committed tothe cause of democracy and racial equality. “Keep the faith, Baby,”my neighbor said as he raised his fingers to show the “V” for victorysign....
20. Значение идиомы cat got one’s tongue [cat got one’s tongue] You are not able or willing to talk because of shyness. Usually used about children or as a question to children. Tommy’s father asked Tommy if the cat had got his tongue. The little girl had a poem to recite, but the cat got her tongue. Compare: LOSE ONE’S TONGUE....
21. Значение идиомы cut the mustard [cut the mustard] {v. phr.}, {slang} To do well enough in what needs to be done; to succeed. His older brothers and sisters helped Max through high school, but he couldn’t cut the mustard in college....
22. Значение идиомы find one’s — [find one’s –] {v. phr.} To become able to use In the program for the parents, John was nervous andcould not speak at first; then he found his tongue. The young birdhad just found its wings. The baby was just beginning to find hisfeet. The question surprised him, and it was a minute before hefound […]...
23. Tell Me About Yourself Well, I was Born and raised in Minnesota, in St. Paul, Minnesota, to be exact. I won’t say how long ago that was, but let’s just say I’m no Spring chicken. I grew up there with my rather large family of 8 brothers and 2 sisters. (I was the baby of the family, but I […]...
24. Hillary goes to heaven Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” So Hillary sits down […]...
25. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination,” said the young girl. “Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.” “No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.” “Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick […]...
26. Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6 Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend. They hear her say, “Oh, Jim, you’re going where no man has gone before!” The six-year-old says to his brother, “He must be fucking her up the ass!”...
27. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, “Pig!” The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, “Bitch!” They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next […]...
28. Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?” “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand […]...
29. A secretary A secretary, who works in an office with my daughter’s friend, Commented at lunch that it was such a shame that the spice girls couldn’t stay together considering they are sisters and all. There was silence for a bit, then someone told her that they weren’t sisters. She said, ” Of course they are, they […]...
30. Recruiting any and all pilots The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a […]...
31. Значение идиомы it never rains but it pours [it never rains but it pours] One good thing or bad thing is oftenfollowed by others of the same kind. – A proverb, John got sick, then his brothers and sisters all got sick. It never rains but itpours....
32. Семья, Родственники Фразы на английском языке про семью и детей. Are you married? Вы женаты (замужем)? No, I’m single. Нет, я не женат (незамужем). I am married. Я женат (замужем). My wife is a teacher. Моя жена – учительница. She divorced her husband. Она развелась со своим мужем. Do you have children? У Вас есть дети? Do […]...
33. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially […]...
34. For all animal lovers out there For all animal lovers out there: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. And… How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…...
35. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
36. Story behind a gun Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He […]...
37. Перевод слова flesh Flesh – тело, плоть, сырое мясо Перевод слова To lose flesh – худеть wolves live on flesh – волки питаются мясом to mortify the flesh – умерщвлять плоть The spirit indeed is willing, but the Flesh is weak. Дух бодр, плоть же немощна. Raw Flesh is generally regarded as more difficult of digestion than boiled […]...
38. The room was full of pregnant ladies The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. […]...
39. Значение идиомы flesh out [flesh out] {v.}, {informal} 1. To add to; make fuller, bigger, orlonger. The author fleshed out his story by adding more about hiswar experiences. 2. also [flesh up] To become heavier, put on weight, or flesh. He lost weight after his illness but is beginning toflesh out again. See: FILL OUT....
40. Значение идиомы on the tip of one’s tongue [on the tip of one’s tongue] {adv. phr.} About to say something, such as a name, a telephone number, etc., but unable to remember itfor the moment. “His name is on the tip of my tongue,” Tom said.”It will come to me in a minute.”...