USENET Parody

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1. Latest software technology Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the dudes who have to read it. The hip new way to write readable C code involves the use of a few simple defines. #define like { #define man […]...
2. French horn Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do […]...
3. Dogs and Light Bulbs How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the […]...
4. Перевод слова define Define – определять, характеризовать, очерчивать Перевод слова To define a term – определить термин to define a problem – формулировать задачу to define the boundary between two countries – установить границу между двумя странами What Defines a good wine? Что характеризует хорошее вино? You can Define the word “difficult” as “not easy.” Значение слова “трудный” […]...
5. Money-mail. Деньги, почта, отправка писем, посылок, размен денег Деньги I’d like to cash this check. Я хочу погасить этот чек. May I see your ID / passport, please? Могу я посмотреть ваше удостоверение / ваш паспорт? What’s the exchange rate? Какой обменный курс? Where can I change my money? Где я могу разменять деньги? I want to send a money-order by mail. Я […]...
6. Junk mail Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped, EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up for. He wrote (honestly) that he had […]...
7. Перевод слова mail Mail – почта, посылать по почте Перевод слова To deliver mail – доставлять почту to deliver by air mail – доставлять авиапочтой by mail – по почте express mail – экспресс-почта She Mailed the package to me. Она послала мне посылку. You’ve Got Mail. Вам письмо. The order came by Mail. Заказ пришел по почте. […]...
8. Moving Edmundo: What are you doing? Ruth: Oh, I’m Packing. My Lease is up at the end of the month and I’m moving to Vancouver for six months while my boyfriend is finishing his degree at the university. Edmundo: Oh, wow, are you moving yourself or are you using a Moving company? Ruth: I’m renting a […]...
9. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
10. Borat parody mistakenly played for Kazakh gold medalist Kazakhstan sharpshooter Mariya Dmitrienko stood with her hand on her heart and a gold medal around her neck expecting to hear her country’s national anthem at an international shooting championship in Kuwait Friday. Instead, the sound system blared the insulting parody anthem from the movie “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation […]...
11. Перевод слова post Post – сообщение, почта Перевод слова By return of post – с обратной почтой by registered post – заказным письмом military post – полевая почта I took the letter to the Post. Я отнес письмо на почту. I’ll send the book to you by Post. Я пошлю тебе эту книгу по почте. The letter came […]...
12. Sending Business Packages Maria: I need this Package to arrive in Tulsa by next Wednesday. Sam: Sure, I’ll send it UPS or FedEx using their Ground service. It’ll be cheaper than sending it using their Overnight service and we can still Track it. Is it going to a business? Maria: Yes, it is. Sam: Okay, I’ll Mark that […]...
13. Значение идиомы shot in the dark [shot in the dark] {n. phr.} An attempt without much hope or chanceof succeeding; a wild guess. A was just a shot in the dark, but Igot the right answer to the teacher’s question....
14. Top 9 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password 9. E-mail flames from some guy named “Fluffy.” 8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 7. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it… and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of “CyberDog.” […]...
15. Перевод слова post-office Post-office – почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official – почтовый чиновник post-office receipt – почтовая квитанция post-office box – абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach – почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp – дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где […]...
16. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
17. Значение идиомы in the dark [in the dark] {adj. phr.} 1. In ignorance; without information. John was in the dark about the job he was being sent to. If thegovernment controls the news, it can keep people in the dark on anytopic it chooses. Mary had a letter from Sue yesterday, but shewas left in the dark about Sue’s plans […]...
18. Bush as a post turtle While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush’s health care reform ideas. The old man said “Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle”. So, not knowing what he […]...
19. Значение идиомы question [question] See: BEG THE QUESTION, BESIDE THE POINT or BESIDE THEQUESTION, BEYOND QUESTION also WITHOUT QUESTION, CALL IN QUESTION, INQUESTION, INTO QUESTION, OUT OF THE QUESTION, POP THE QUESTION....
20. Значение идиомы first class [first class] {n.} 1. The first rank; the highest class; the bestgroup. The pianist was quite good but he was not in the firstclass. 2. The most expensive or comfortable class of travel; the bestor one of the best groups in which to travel, especially by ship, train, or airplane. Most people can’t afford the […]...
21. Buying Stamps at the Post Office Clerk: Can I help you? Tamika: I’d like to buy some Stamps. Clerk: In what Denomination? Tamika: I’m not sure. I need them for sending regular letters and for Priority Mail. Clerk: The current Rate for sending a First-class letter is 41 cents. With first-class service, your letter will get there in three to seven […]...
22. Значение идиомы in question [in question] {adj. phr.} 1. In doubt; in dispute; being arguedabout or examined. I know Bill would he a good captain for theteam. That is not in question. But does he want to be captain? Contrast: BEYOND QUESTION. 2. Under discussion; being talked orthought about. The girls in question are not in school today. On […]...
23. Перевод слова dark Dark – темный, мрачный Перевод слова Dark day – хмурый день dark glasses – темные очки dark skin – смуглая кожа He arrived after Dark. Он приехал, когда было уже темно. It’s getting Dark. Становится темно. She has Dark hair. У нее темные волосы. Интересные факты Мем “темная сторона” (dark side) пришел из фантастической эпопеи […]...
24. Значение идиомы stand pat [stand pat] {v.}, {informal} To be satisfied with things and beagainst a change. Bill had made up his mind on the question andwhen his friends tried to change his mind, he stood pat. Compare:STAND ONE’S GROUND....
25. Incredible golf ball A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose […]...
26. Перевод слова change Change – менять, изменять Перевод слова Change of weather – перемена погоды change of scene – перемена обстановки marked change – значительные перемены Can you Change the baby? Ты не мог бы поменять подгузник? The car needs an oil Change. Этот автомобиль нуждается в замене масла. He Changed his name Он изменил свое имя....
27. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail […]...
28. Перевод идиомы junk mail, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: junk mail Перевод: назойливая почта, обычно рекламного характера; почта для мусорной корзины Пример: On her mail box she wrote a sign: “No junk mail!” На своем почтовом ящике она написала: «Никакой рекламы!»....
29. Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass […]...
30. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail Message I hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. […]...
31. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
32. Значение идиомы in doubt [in doubt] {adv. phr.} In the dark; having some question oruncertainty. When in doubt about any of the words you’re using, consult a good dictionary....
33. Значение идиомы get behind [get behind] {v.} 1. To go too slowly: be late; do something tooslowly. The post office got behind in delivering Christmas mail. Syn.: FALL BEHIND. Contrast: KEEP UP. 2. {informal} To support; help. A club is much better if members get behind their leaders. Wegot behind Mary to be class president. Compare: BACK OF. 3.{informal} […]...
34. Sneaky, sneaky Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband’s insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night – only to find a cucumber in his hand. “Is THIS”, she asked, pointing to the vegetable, “what you’ve been using on me for […]...
35. How many women with PMS does it take to Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this […]...
36. Need extra cash A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, […]...
37. Значение идиомы fourth class [fourth class] {n.} A class of mail that is not sealed and weighs apound or more, that includes things that are bought and sold and sentin the mail, and printed things that are not second or third classmail. Bill sent away 98 cereal box tops and a dollar and got back asheriff’s badge and gun […]...
38. Preparing to Travel Shannon: It looks like you’re ready for your trip. You must be Psyched. Ignacio: Yeah, I am. I’m almost ready. I’ve gone to the post office and filled out a form so they’ll Hold my mail while I’m gone. Shannon: I could pick up your mail for you. Ignacio: Thanks, but it’ll just be easier […]...
39. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
40. Getting and Making Threats Ruth: I’m really glad you’re getting so much support from the public. Look at all of these bags of Fan mail. Carl: Only about half of that is fan mail. The rest is Hate mail. Ruth: Hate mail? Who would send you hate mail? Carl: Lots of people. People who are Disgruntled write to me […]...