Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel

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1. What is intelligenceTwo men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, «Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?» «I don’t know,» responded the other. «I’ll ask him.» So he climbed out of the hole ... Читать далее...
2. A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditchA man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn’t usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, «You know, you ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова ditchDitch — канава, ров; бросать, оставлять Перевод слова Deep ditch — глубокая канава irrigation ditch — ороситель, оросительный канал to ditch rice fields — осушать рисовые поля he’s ditched his girlfriend — он бросил свою девушку They Ditched the car in a vacant lot. Они бросили машину на пустыре. Meg and Neil were due to ... Читать далее...
4. One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a holeOne day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. «Whatcha doin?» he asked. Mongo replies, «My goldfish died and I’m burying him.» «That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?» asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, «That’s because he’s inside your fuckin’ cat!’...
5. An elderly man goes into a brothelAn elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. «I’m 90 years old,» he says. «90!» replies the woman. «Don’t you realize you’ve had it?» «Oh, sorry,» says the old man, ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод идиомы last-ditch effort, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: last-ditch effort Перевод: последняя попытка, последнее усилие Пример: The government made a last-ditch effort to prevent a strike by the teachers. Правительство сделало последнюю попытку предотвратить забастовку учителей....
7. Jokes About The Irishmen«Hey,» said a new arrival in the pub, «I’ve got some great Irish jokes.» «Before you start,» said the big bloke in the corner, «, I’m Irish.» «Don’t worry,» said the newcomer, «I’ll tell them slowly.» Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the ... Читать далее...
8. An old sailor goes to a brothelAn old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins. «How am I doing?» He asks. «Three knots,» she replies. «Three knots? What’s that mean?» «You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.»...
9. Перевод сленгового выражения ditch, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: ditch Перевод: бросить, покинуть нежеланного человека, место, или вещь; избавиться от кого-либо или чего-либо Пример: Terry ditched his girlfriend so he could go hang out with his friends. Терри бросил свою девушку, чтобы он мог оттянуться со своими друзьями. When are you going to ditch that ugly old hat? Когда ты избавишься от ... Читать далее...
10. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
11. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...
12. A horny young man went to a brothelA horny young man went to a brothel… The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, «On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and ... Читать далее...
13. A pious man who had reached the age of 105A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, «How come after all these years we don’t see you at ... Читать далее...
14. Man goes to see the RabbiMan goes to see the Rabbi. «Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.» The Rabbi asked, «What’s wrong?» The man replied, «My wife is poisoning me.» The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, «How can that be?» The man then pleads, «I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы last-ditch[last-ditch] {adj.} Made or done as a last chance to keep fromlosing or tailing. He threw away his cigarettes in a last-ditcheffort to stop smoking. Compare: BACK TO THE WALL....
16. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothelA man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the ... Читать далее...
17. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the ... Читать далее...
18. Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, whenRabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around = the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the = Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his = stomach, then each shoulder. As Father ... Читать далее...
19. Humor about the IrishmenThere is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. «Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?» the solicitor questioned his client. «Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?» «Oh, no,» replied Mrs. O’Connor. «Shure now, we ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова glanceGlance — бросить взгляд, взглянуть; вспышка, блеск Перевод слова Stealthy glance — взгляд украдкой at a glance — с первого взгляда a glance from the moving sword — блеск опускающейся сабли He cast a Glance at the door. Он бросил взгляд на дверь. Glancing at the clock she saw that she was late. Мельком взглянув ... Читать далее...
21. A yard saleA man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of ... Читать далее...
22. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...
23. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
24. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
25. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
26. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
27. Getting in an accidentA Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, «So you’re a ... Читать далее...
28. A Duck walks into a barA Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова insideInside — внутри, внутрь, внутренний, секретный Перевод слова To be inside — быть в помещении to go inside — войти в помещение inside information — секретные сведения the inside of the house — внутренние помещения дома Look Inside. Загляни внутрь. The door bolts from Inside. Эта дверь запирается изнутри. I happen to know the Inside. ... Читать далее...
30. Clean St. Patrick’s Day JokesAn Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, «Oy vey! What a wreck!» The priest asks him, «Are you all right, Rabbi?» The Rabbi responds, «Just a little shaken.» The priest pulls a ... Читать далее...
31. Rabbi’s anniversary presentA Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there’s a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, «Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the president of the ... Читать далее...
32. An old rabbi is talking with one of his friendsAn old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, «I gladdened seven hearts today.» «Seven hearts?» asks the friend. «How did you do that?» The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, «I performed three marriages.» The friend looks at him quizically. «Seven?» he asks. «I could understand six, ... Читать далее...
33. Jokes about Dumb IrishmenThe blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. ... Читать далее...
34. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theTwo priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова duckDuck — утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks — стрелять уток she is a perfect duck — она просто прелесть to duck the issue — обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck ... Читать далее...
36. A young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up strandedA young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, ... Читать далее...
37. Pessimist and a dogAn avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to ... Читать далее...
38. Cock fightsHow can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins....
39. Sex on SabbathA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, «My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex ... Читать далее...
40. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sinA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, » My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that ... Читать далее...