Two drunks walk into a bar

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1. Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamentingTwo drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, «I just ... Читать далее...
2. A man takes his dog for a walk in the parkA man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, «Man, I sure wish I could do that.» The dog ... Читать далее...
3. What is a breathanalyzer?«Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?» asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. «Well, I’d have to say it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,» answered the equally wasted gent. «Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years and years now!»...
4. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
5. A completely inebriated man was stumbling downA completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, «I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.» Our wasted friend asked, «Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?» Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,» said the copper. ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова walkWalk — идти, ходьба, прогулка пешком Перевод слова To walk along the road — идти по дороге shall we walk it? — пойдем пешком? sharp walk — быстрая ходьба the town is an hour’s walk from us — до города от нас час ходьбы Let’s go for a Walk. Давай прогуляемся. Is it safe to ... Читать далее...
7. Having a Best FriendLucy: I’m so excited! My friend, Marlene, is coming to town for a visit. Buddy: Have I met Marlene? Lucy: No, I don’t think so. We Grew up together and we were always Joined at the hip. Buddy: When I was little, I had a friend like that. We were Blood brothers. Lucy: Yeah, Marlene ... Читать далее...
8. The homework scheduleHere is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend ... Читать далее...
9. I get so drunk that I imagine thingsThe drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, «What do you have in there, pal?» «A mongoose.» «What for?» «Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. ... Читать далее...
10. Some very common traits in two drunksA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы walk the chalk[walk the chalk] or [walk the chalk line] or [walk the chalk mark]To act exactly as you are supposed to; behave properly; obey. Thatnew teacher really makes the students walk the chalk. In someclasses the students play and talk, but Mr. Parker makes them walk thechalk. That theater owner wants his place to be orderly, ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы walk the plank[walk the plank] {v. phr.} 1. To walk off a board extended over theside of a ship and be drowned. The pirates captured the ship andforced the crew to walk the plank. 2. {informal} To resign from a jobbecause someone makes you do it. When a new owner bought the store, the manager had to ... Читать далее...
13. Arriving home very drunkA man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: «Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.» The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы walk of life[walk of life] {n. phr.} Way of living; manner in which peoplelive. Many rich people have yachts; people in their walk of lifecan afford them. The banker did not want his son to marry a girlin a different walk of life. People from every walk of life enjoytelevision. Compare: THE TRACKS....
15. A man had been drinking at the bar for hoursA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы walk over[walk over] or [walk all over] or [step all over] {v. phr.}{informal} To make do whatever you wish; make selfish useof; treat like a slave; impose upon. Jill is so friendly andhelpful that people walk all over her. We wanted the man’sbusiness, so we let him step all over us. Compare: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF....
17. Santas DiversionSantas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying «Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.» Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to ... Читать далее...
18. Humor about St. Patrick’s DayPaddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Paddy asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» Paddy replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
19. On a very cold nightOn a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, «You’ll have to wait.» «But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.» «Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.» «Listen, I’m pretty desperate. I don’t need a room.» So she takes his money ... Читать далее...
20. A mouse and a lion walk were in a barA mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. «Get a load of her» said the mouse, «what a babe!» «Well, why not try your luck?» replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes ... Читать далее...
21. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...
22. My girlfriend is out in the carA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender ... Читать далее...
23. Drunk orders himself a beerA man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink — he could ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы win in a walk[win in a walk] or [win in a breeze] {v. phr.}, {informal} To winvery easily; win without having to try hard. Joe ran for classpresident and won in a walk. Our team won the game in a breeze. Compare: HANDS DOWN....
25. A guy was trying to console a friendA guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. «Get over it, buddy,» he said. «It’s not the end of the world.» «It’s all right for you to say,» answered his buddy. «But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed ... Читать далее...
26. A Drunk ScottsmanThere was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы walk away with[walk away with] or [walk off with] {v.} 1. To take and go awaywith; take away; often: steal. When Father went to work, heaccidentally walked off with Mother’s umbrella. How can a thiefwalk off with a safe in broad daylight? 2. To take, get, or wineasily. Jim walked away with all the honors on Class ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы punch-drunk[punch-drunk] {adj.} 1. Dazed or become dulled in the mind frombeing hit in the head. He was a punch-drunk boxer who made hisliving shining shoes. 2. In a foggy state of mind; groggy. Marywas so thrilled at winning the contest she acted punch-drunk. Markwas punch-drunk for a few minutes after he fell off his bicycle....
29. Перевод идиомы walk of life, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: walk of life Перевод: слой общества, сфера деятельности Пример: People from every walk of life came to the concert in the park. Люди всех слоев общества пришли на концерт в парке....
30. Значение идиомы walk the floor[walk the floor] {v. phr.} To walk one direction and then the otheracross the floor, again and again; pace. Mr. Black walked thefloor, trying to reach a decision. The sick baby had his motherwalking the floor all night. Mrs. Black’s toothache hurt so muchthat she got up and walked the floor....
31. A little boy was excited about his first day at schoolA little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked ... Читать далее...
32. Play doctorSteve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. «Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?» «Sounds great,» Steve replied, «but how do you make it last for an hour?» «Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for ... Читать далее...
33. An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies byAn old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. «Yech!» says the woman. «Get some toilet paper.» «What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.»...
34. Travel with a horseAn out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, «Pull, Nellie, pull!» Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, «Pull, Buster, pull!» Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer ... Читать далее...
35. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «You have to walk a dog every day»Tania Таня Why is your dog whining and looking at you so expectantly? Почему твой пес скулит и так выжидающе смотрит на тебя? Barry Берри It’s the time of day. He always does that around now. Потому что уже пора. Он всегда так себя ведет в это время. Tania Таня What does he want? Но ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова drunkDrunk — пьяный, опьяненный Перевод слова Blind drunk — мертвецки пьяный to get drunk — напиться, упиться drunk with success — опьяненный успехом Are you Drunk? Ты что, пьян? He was beastly Drunk. Он напился как скотина. We got Drunk on wine. Мы опьянели от вина. Интересные факты Слово также является 3-й формой неправильного глагола...
37. Drinking and drivingThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The «Environmental Engineering News» published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод идиомы do wonders / work wonders, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: do wonders / work wonders Перевод: творить чудеса; приносить отличные результаты Пример: If you begin to do some exercise it will do wonders for your health. Если ты начнешь хотя бы немного заниматься физическими упражнениями, это принесет огромную пользу твоему здоровью....
39. Перевод слова bathroomBathroom — ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment — сантехника hog the bathroom — занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod — санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...
40. I just trying to be helpfulA good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk «do you live here?» «Yep». «Would you like me to help you upstairs?» «Yep». When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked «Is this your floor?» ... Читать далее...