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1. BassQ: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one — but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does ... Читать далее...
2. SaxophoneQ: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the ... Читать далее...
3. BanjoQ: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of ... Читать далее...
4. BagpipesQ: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) — I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic ... Читать далее...
5. French hornQ: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
6. AccordionsAn accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What’s the ... Читать далее...
7. TrumpetQ: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, «I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist ... Читать далее...
8. MusicianQ: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, «I can do that!» Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы on the bench[on the bench] 1. Sitting in a law court as a judge. JudgeWyzanski is on the bench this morning. 2. Sitting among thesubstitute players. The coach had to keep his star player on thebench with a sprained ankle. Compare: BENCH WARMER....
10. English hornQ: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова bulbBulb — луковица, электрическая лампочка Перевод слова Bulb of the hair — луковица волос bulb of eye — глазное яблоко frosted bulb — матовая лампочка The Bulb’s gone in the bathroom. В ванной перегорела лампочка. A light Bulb dangled from the ceiling. С потолка свисала электрическая лампочка. I’m not very practical — I can’t even ... Читать далее...
12. Describing Talent and AbilityKathy: Thanks for inviting me to see your team. Who’s your best player? Brad: That would be Sarah. She’s a Natural. No one comes close to her speed and Dexterity. She has good Instincts and a Flair for getting out of difficult situations. Kathy: She sounds Promising. Anyone else I should be Keeping an eye ... Читать далее...
13. A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtuesA partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. «It’s marvelous,» he enthused to a friend. «Since I acquired it I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!» «You don’t say,» said his friend. ... Читать далее...
14. GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
15. Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks ... Читать далее...
16. Crying about lifeOld Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. «Well,» says the old fellow, «I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then ... Читать далее...
17. Sports TryoutsMarcela: All right, you’re ready for these Tryouts. You’ve passed your Physical. You’ve trained for months. You’re going To make that team. Kenji: It’s okay. I don’t need a Pep talk. I’m just going to do the best I can. Marcela: Yes, but you want To have your head in the right place. You’re going ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова policemanPoliceman — полицейский Перевод слова Duty policeman — дежурный полицейский military policeman — военный полицейский on-duty policeman — полицейский при исполнении служебных обязанностей plain-clothes policeman — переодетый полицейский The Policeman caught the thief. Полицейский задержал вора. The Policeman blew his whistle. Полицейский свистнул в свисток. The Policeman wore his badge proudly. Полицейский с гордостью носил ... Читать далее...
19. BassoonQ: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire. Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon? A: A ... Читать далее...
20. Golf in the BedroomGolf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment — normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. ... Читать далее...
21. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
22. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
23. How many women with PMS does it take toQ: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this ... Читать далее...
24. Dogs and Light BulbsHow many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the ... Читать далее...
25. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
26. VocalsQ: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup. Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light ... Читать далее...
27. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
28. An Amazing Talking DogA man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, «I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.» Bartender: «Yeah! Sure…go ahead.» Man: «What covers a house?» Dog: «Roof!» Man: «How does sandpaper feel?» Dog: «Rough!» Man: «Who was the greatest ball player of all time?» Dog: «Ruth!» Man: ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова playerPlayer — игрок, плеер Перевод слова Circumspect player — осторожный игрок composite player — коллективный игрок chess player — игрок в шахматы He’s a very fine Player. Он очень хороший игрок. He’s a keen chess Player. Он фанатичный шахматист. Each Player throws one die. Каждый игрок бросает одну кость. Происхождение слова player Образовано от глагола...
30. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
31. An offenseLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
32. I just did all of thatAfter a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, «Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?» «Yes,» the golfer responded. «Did you ... Читать далее...
33. ClarinetQ: What’s the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between ... Читать далее...
34. Mr. Richman has 3daughtersMr. Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy. One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazy when to the policeman and she said»Nobody and Somebody are fighting» Then the policeman look at her then he said «What are you talking about?» Then she said again «Nobody and ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод идиомы be in the driving seat, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: be in the driving seat Идиома: be in the driving seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: The consumer is in the driving seat due to the huge range of goods on the market. Потребитель имел весь контроль над ситуацией из-за огромного выбора товаров на рынке....
36. Deaf lady in troubleOne day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова rangeRange — ряд, диапазон; располагать в порядке Перевод слова To range soldiers — построить солдат to range books on a shelf according to size — расставить книги на полке по формату a range of mountains — горная цепь frequency range — радио диапазон частот He Ranges with the great writers. Его можно поставить в один ... Читать далее...
38. On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospitalOn visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible «What are you doing?» asked the friend. «Looking for loopholes,» repied the lawyer....
39. Household itemsBack in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, «Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова twentyTwenty — двадцать Перевод слова Twenty caissons of ammunition — двадцать ящиков с боеприпасами twenty head of cattle — двадцать голов рогатого скота he is twenty — ему двадцать лет I’ve known her for Twenty years. Я знаю ее двадцать лет. Step off Twenty paces. Отсчитай двадцать шагов. He hit me for Twenty dollars. Он ... Читать далее...