Three people were standing on the Titanic

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1. TitanicAs you know, the 3-hour-14-minute film «Titanic» is no mere disaster movie. It’s an epic love story about a 17-year-old American aristocrat who is betrothed to a rich and hateful suitor but falls in love with a free-spirited artist, who won his third-class passage in a card game. It’s «Romeo and Juliet» on a sinking ... Читать далее...
2. Титаник/ TitanicНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Titanic Титаник There isn’t a person in the world who hasn’t heard of Titanic. It was a huge passenger liner that sank in the Atlantic Ocean in 1912. This tragedy happened due to the liner’s collision with an iceberg. It was one of the largest and most memorable ... Читать далее...
3. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
4. All the sameAn airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious, by the silence, that they don’t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: «I don’t like Chinese.» The First Officer replies: «Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why ... Читать далее...
5. During the World War IIDuring the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something — at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down ... Читать далее...
6. A man was driving through West VirginiaA man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, «I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?» The men answered, «Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw». He then asked, «What do you hunt and kill?» ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод идиомы able to do (something) standing on one’s head, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: able to do (something) standing on one’s head Перевод: суметь сделать что-либо легко и быстро Пример: The boy is good at fixing his bicycle. He can do it standing on his head. У этого мальчика хорошо получается ремонтировать свой велосипед. Он делает это легко и быстро....
8. A little boy and his dad are standing in lineA little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, «hey dad, look how fat that lady is!» «Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.» «But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!» «Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!» ... Читать далее...
9. How to the nearest land!?The ship is sinking. Panic, screams and confusion. One of the passengers turns to the captain: — How to the nearest land!? — Two miles. — And in what direction to swim!? — Down.....
10. Перевод слова screwScrew — шуруп, винт, гайка; завинчивать Перевод слова To screw on the cap — навинчивать крышку to ease off screw — ослаблять винт adjustable screw-wrench — раздвижной гаечный ключ The lid Screws onto the jar. Эта крышка навинчивается на банку. Screw the lid on clockwise. Закрутите крышку по часовой стрелке. Try and undo the Screw ... Читать далее...
11. St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one dayAn Australian joke… St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo’s stroll up. «Your names aren’t on today’s list… let me go and ask the Boss» he says. In God’s office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo’s, and God tells Peter to go and ... Читать далее...
12. Six people were on a planeSix people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, » Save the children» The lawyer yells out «FUCK THE CHILDREN!» The priest yells out » ... Читать далее...
13. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
14. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven yearsBad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, «F. F.» His wife turned to him and answered, «E. F.» Out on the highway, he ... Читать далее...
15. Three altar boys are standing in the snow withThree altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, «Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.» The tallest altar boy turns around and ... Читать далее...
16. A blind man is standing at the cornerA blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie biscuit which he starts to offer to Fido. ... Читать далее...
17. A peasant was standing in a field chatting to a bullA pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. «I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree», sighed the pheasant, «but I haven»t got the energy». Well, why don»t you nibble on some of my droppings?» replied the bull. «They»re packed with nutrients». The pheasant pecked at ... Читать далее...
18. A horse and a rabbitA horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes ... Читать далее...
19. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadowA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s ... Читать далее...
20. STANDING UP IN COURTIn the dreaded French impotence trials, performance anxiety took on new meaning. Ink the Spanish Inquisition was harsh? Just as intimidating to many men were the French impotence courts of the 16th and 17th centuries, when husbands charged with erectile dysfunction were obliged to prove their virility before witnesses. A husband’s inability to perform was ... Читать далее...
21. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly GatesRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
22. Qualifying for HeavenRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
23. African rouletteA new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. «The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.» The American ... Читать далее...
24. No exitAn airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the ... Читать далее...
25. There was this little boy who went in the whore houseThere was this little boy who went in the whore house with a dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the boy said «please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i have money thats ... Читать далее...
26. British and American families — Британские и американские семьиBritish and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы have a screw loose[have a screw loose] {v. phr,}, {slang} To act in a strange way; tobe foolish. Now I know he has a screw loose — he stole a police carthis time. He was a smart man but had a screw loose and peoplethought him odd....
28. Перевод слова captainCaptain — капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain — иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps — погоны капитана captain’s mate — помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. ... Читать далее...
29. Ultra dumb people 01The incredibly dumb AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership». He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, ... Читать далее...
30. Sport Makes People KinТопик Спорт сближает людей показывает, насколько спорт и спортивные игры близки всем людям на планете, вне зависимости от стран и наций. Во всем мире люди увлечены спортом, зимними или летними его видами. Среди множества видов спорта каждый может выбрать занятие по душе. И это действительно, правда: «Спорт сближает людей». People all over the world are ... Читать далее...
31. Diana — the People’s PrincessDiana Spencer was born on the first of July 1961 in Sandringham in England. She had two older sisters and a younger brother. In childhood she liked games, swimming, running and dancing. She wanted to become a dancer. Besides she loved children very much and at the age of sixteen she worked in schools for ... Читать далее...
32. Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort ofOnce in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest «weapon». The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon…he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 ... Читать далее...
33. Types of People at WorkRaul: Thanks for Showing me around on my first day. Ursula: It’s no problem. I want to give you The lay of the land and tell you about the people you’ll be working with. For instance, that’s Julie over there. She’s really nice, but she’s also a Perfectionist. If you ever work with her, remember ... Читать далее...
34. The three survivors of the shipwreckThe three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship’s doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution ... Читать далее...
35. People of Different AgesGloria: I’m surprised at the variety of people on this tour. Andy: Oh, yeah? I hadn’t noticed. Gloria: Well, we’ll be spending the next two weeks with these people so I thought I’d get to know some of them. Andy: That’s nice. Gloria: Did you see that thirty-something couple with a Toddler and an Infant? ... Читать далее...
36. A disabled sea captainAn old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, «You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?» «I fell overboard,» says the Captain, «and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark ... Читать далее...
37. Love JesusBy Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light ... Читать далее...
38. Truly stupid people 01A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He’s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to ... Читать далее...
39. What causes people to have arthritisA man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова peoplePeople — люди, народ, население Перевод слова Distinctive people — необычные люди the people of London — жители Лондона the best people in the town — лучшие люди в городе English-speaking peoples — народы, говорящие на английском языке Power to the People! Власть народу! People say we look alike. Люди говорят что мы похожи. She ... Читать далее...