This man was sitting quietly reading his paper

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1. A man sat quietly reading his morning paper A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?” Man: “Oh honey, […]...
2. There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?” After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and […]...
3. Значение идиомы on paper [on paper] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} Judging by appearances only andnot by past performance; in theory; theoretically. On paper, theAmerican colonies should have lost the Revolutionary War. Thefootball team lost many games, even though they looked good on paper....
4. Значение идиомы horse [horse] See: BET ON THE WRONG HORSE, CART BEFORE THE HORSE, CHANGEHORSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAM or CHANGE HORSES IN MIDSTREAM, EATLIKE A HORSE, HOLD ONE’S HORSES. IRON HORSE, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTERTHE HORSE IS STOLEN, LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, OFF ONE’S HIGHHORSE, ON ONE’S HIGH HORSE, PUT ONE’S […]...
5. Be afraid if you annoy this husband A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, […]...
6. A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was stuck […]...
7. Reading the Newspaper I Fell into the habit of reading the newspaper every morning when I was a kid. Back then, there used to be two daily newspapers-morning Edition and an afternoon edition. Nowadays, of course, many cities in the U. S. have just a morning paper. I’m not too Picky about which newspaper I read, although When […]...
8. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, “God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless […]...
9. Перевод слова paper Paper – бумага, документ, газета Перевод слова Correspondence paper – писчая бумага высокого качества to cover a wall with paper – оклеивать стену обоями working paper – рабочий документ Paper is made from wood. Бумага изготовлена из натурального дерева. Make a hole in the Paper. Проделайте в бумаге отверстие. Have you seen today’s Paper? Вы […]...
10. Some people are sitting in a bar Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” Another guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, “What’s that?” […]...
11. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
12. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
13. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
14. Значение идиомы bad paper [bad paper] {n.}, {slang} 1. A check for which there are no funds in the bank. 2. Counterfeit paper money. Why are you so mad? – I was paid with some bad paper....
15. A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes […]...
16. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
17. Clinton country A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, “There’s a horses ass” A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said […]...
18. Перевод слова reading Reading – чтение, начитанность Перевод слова To teach reading and writing – обучать чтению и письму a man of wide reading – эрудит, весьма начитанный человек readings from Shakespeare – исполнение чтецом отрывков из произведений Шекспира reading glasses – очки для чтения I need glasses for Reading. Для чтения мне нужны очки. Reading makes my […]...
19. They’re Boasting about Race Records Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking […]...
20. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called “lady of the night”. She says, “For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.” Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
21. Перевод слова reading-room Reading-room – читальный зал, читальня Перевод слова Village reading room – изба-читальня public reading room – публичный читальный зал village library and reading room – изба-читальня She never left the Reading room unlocked. Она никогда не оставляла открытым читальный зал. I needed to clear the Reading room for Anzac Day. Мне нужно убрать читальный зал […]...
22. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, […]...
23. Rooms in a House I don’t like cats. That’s not really true. I like cats, but they don’t like me. Last week, my friend Sara asked me To babysit her cat for two days while she was out of town. Normally, I would have said no, but she was In a jam, so I said okay. As I said, […]...
24. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
25. Reading and Processing Emails Every day I feel more and more Overwhelmed by email. Once I turn on my computer and look at my Inbox, I Get sucked into reading and responding to Emails. I have a personal email account and an email account for work. With my work email, I try to take an organized Approach. I scan […]...
26. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork […]...
27. Значение идиомы brown paper bag [brown paper bag] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon} An unmarked police car. The beaver got a Christmas card because she didn’t notice the brown paper bag at her back door. See: PLAIN WHITE WRAPPER....
28. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
29. Перевод идиомы be sitting pretty, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be sitting pretty Перевод: быть в хорошем, выгодном, удачном положении (обычно из-за наличия больших денег); неплохо устроиться; жить в комфорте и роскоши Пример: They bought their house when prices were much lower so they’re sitting pretty. Они купили свой дом, когда цены были гораздо ниже, так что они хорошо устроились....
30. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
31. Значение идиомы sitting pretty [sitting pretty] {adj.}, {slang} To be in a lucky position. Thenew library is sitting pretty because a wealthy woman gave it $10,000worth of reference books. Mr. Jones was sitting pretty until his$25,000-a-year job was dropped by the company....
32. That is ONE! A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hard to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it. So he thought it would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Well he sent for one and on the day she was […]...
33. There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room and says “Son do you remember that session I arranged for you […]...
34. Improving fry cooking In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O’Leary’s success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory’s helping McDonald’s to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on […]...
35. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […]...
36. Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.” “Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing […]...
37. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
38. How to write a paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back […]...
39. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
40. Preparing a Paper Student: I wonder if I could ask you some questions about our paper, professor. Do you want us to Cite our Sources in the Footnotes? Professor: You should use Endnotes for longer explanations. Otherwise, just follow the Style sheet I passed out for Citations in your paper. Student: I see. And what about the Cover […]...