These two guys had just gotten divorces

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1. Four married guys go golfingFour married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: «You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: «That’s nothing, ... Читать далее...
2. Dating Nice Guys and Bad BoysJack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In ... Читать далее...
3. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
4. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
5. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
6. Differences in Male and Female FriendshipsLauren: Did you see what Stephanie was wearing? She looked like a wet dog! Quentin: Why do women do that? Lauren: Do what? Quentin: Why do women Put other women down? Is it to make themselves feel Superior? Lauren: It was only a joke. I Didn’t mean anything by it. Quentin: Do you really think ... Читать далее...
7. Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’tTwo guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks. «What do you think the problem is?» one man asked his companion. «I dunno,» came the reply, «Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.»...
8. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
9. Two guys were discussing popular family trendsTwo guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, «I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?» Leroy replied, «I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?»...
10. Two guys are out hunting deerTwo guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, «Did you see that?» The second guy says, «No.» «A bald eagle just flew over head.» «Oh.» A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, «Did you see that?» «No.» «There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.» «Oh.» A few ... Читать далее...
11. Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expeditionTwo Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital. «Well, Doc,» he inquired anxiously, «is he going to make it?» «It’s tough,» said the doctor. «He’d ... Читать далее...
12. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fogThree guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says «I’ll find out» and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says «We’re just over Paris» «How do you know» ask the others «Well I’ve just felt the top of ... Читать далее...
13. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming weddingTwo Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… «I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.» His buddy replies, «Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, ... Читать далее...
14. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with ... Читать далее...
15. Two guys go huntingTwo guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe ... Читать далее...
16. So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nailsSo there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы burn a hole in one’s pocket[burn a hole in one’s pocket] {v. phr.} To make you want to buy something; be likely to be quickly spent. Money burns a hole in Linda’s pocket. The silver dollar that Don got for his birthday was burning a hole in his pocket, and Don hurried to a dime store....
18. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...
19. The Home Improvement StoreWhen you own a house, there is always something that Needs work. I have been Putting off repainting the Garage and I decided that I would do it this weekend. I went to the Home improvement store early in the morning to get the Supplies I’d need. I walked into the Huge store and began ... Читать далее...
20. The Home Improvement StoreWhen you own a house, there is always something that Needs work. I have been Putting off repainting the Garage and I decided that I would do it this weekend. I went to the Home improvement store early in the morning to get the Supplies I’d need. I walked into the Huge store and began ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы across the board[across the board] {adv. phr.} 1. So that equal amounts of money are bet on the same horse to win a race, to place second, or third. I bet $6 on the white horse across the board. — Often used with hyphens as an adjective. I made an across-the-board bet on the white horse. 2. ... Читать далее...
22. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
23. Six guys were playing poker when Smith losesSix guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, «Now, who is going to tell the wife?» They draw straws. Rippington, who ... Читать далее...
24. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contestThree guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and «splash» they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы in the hole[in the hole] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1a. Having a scorelower than zero in a game, especially a card game; to a score belowzero. John went three points in the hole on the first hand of thecard game. 1b. Behind an opponent; in difficulty in a sport or game. We had their pitcher in ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы out of the hole[out of the hole] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1a. With ascore better than zero in a game; especially a card game, to a scoreabove zero. It took us a long time to get out of the hole in thecard game. 1b. Even with an opponent after being behind; out oftrouble in a sport or ... Читать далее...
27. How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole. $ $Sent by Ediie...
28. Значение идиомы swear out[swear out] {v.} To get byswearing that a person has broken the law. The policeman swore outa warrant for the suspect’s arrest. The detectives swore out asearch warrant....
29. Fortunate ingenuityA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, «Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.» The grandfather replies, «I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова boardBoard — доска, планка; правление, департамент Перевод слова Cutting board — доска для резки хлеба to size the board — проклеивать картон bed of boards — нары board of directors — правление; совет директоров He drove a nail into the Board. Он забил гвоздь в доску. Write the answers on the Board. Ответы запишите на ... Читать далее...
31. What to do to get golfFour married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: «Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова holeHole — дыра, отверстие, яма Перевод слова A hole in a roof — дыра в крыше to wear into holes — износить до дыр a hole in the fence — лазейка в ограде I have a Hole in my sock. У меня дырявый носок. The theory is full of Holes. Теория полна недостатков. The dog ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы dose out[dose out] {v.} To sell the whole of; end by selling all the goods; also, to sell your stock and stop doing business. The store dosed out its stock of garden supplies. Mr. Jones dosed out his grocery. Mr. Randall was losing money in his shoe store, so he decided to dose out....
34. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы go by the board[go by the board] also [pass by the board] {v. phr.} To go away ordisappear forever, be forgotten or not used. Tom had severalchances to go to college, but he let them go by the board. Grandfather said he was too old to go to the beach. «Those days havepassed by the board,» he said. ... Читать далее...
36. Where is my goatThere were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched ... Читать далее...
37. How is that dentistA couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning. His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. «Is that so?» the first said. «Did he do a good job?» «Well, I was ... Читать далее...
38. Buying Bathroom SuppliesJan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll ... Читать далее...
39. Buying Bathroom SuppliesJan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll ... Читать далее...
40. Expressing Bitter FeelingsLaurent: I’m Done with women! They’re Liars and Manipulators. Julie: Let me guess. You’ve had a bad Breakup? Laurent: It wasn’t just bad. It was Monumentally awful. I’m never going to date again. Julie: You’re just feeling Bitter right now, but you’ll Get over it. You won’t always feel so Jaded. Wait a second. Did ... Читать далее...