The new Ensign was assigned to subs

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1. The Master Chief was inspecting the barracksThe Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, «Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child. . . on his desk. . . in a jar.» Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, «Goddamned if they don’t find out EVERY little thing about you!»...
2. A rookie police officer was assignedA rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, «Let’s ... Читать далее...
3. Finish overseas tourA young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far ... Читать далее...
4. Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a LieutenantShortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel’s home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel’s wife and vice versa. After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound ... Читать далее...
5. A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureauA journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: «You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that ... Читать далее...
6. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirthLittle Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, «How was I born?» «The stork brought you to us.» «Oh,» said Little Johnny. «Well, how did you and daddy get born?» he asked. «Oh, the stork brought us too.» «So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?» «Well, darling, the stork ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова masterMaster — мастер; хозяин, господин Перевод слова Master of a shop — хозяин мастерской master and man — господин и слуга master of satire — мастер сатиры master of English — знаток английского языка He had learned to Master his fear of heights. Он научился контролировать свой страх высоты. He is a Master liar. Он ... Читать далее...
8. Solve Indian puzzlesAn Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made ... Читать далее...
9. Recruiting any and all pilotsThe chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова chiefChief — руководитель, начальник, вождь; главный, основной Перевод слова Chief editor — главный редактор chief intimate — лучший друг chief supporter — основной сторонник chief reasons — главные причины The Chief wants you. Вас требует начальник. The fire Chief suspects arson. Начальник пожарной охраны подозревает поджог. Safety is our Chief concern. Безопасность — наша главная ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова learnedLearned — ученый, научный, мудреный Перевод слова Learned scholar — ученый муж learned in the law — сведущий в юриспруденции learned society — научное общество learned book — мудреная книга Bessie’s mind was not quite in tune with the profundities of that Learned journal. Уму Бесси был чужд высокопарный стиль этого ученого журнала. It looks ... Читать далее...
12. One day there was an indian chief who was constipatedOne day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says «Big Chief, no shit». the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and ... Читать далее...
13. The headmistress at a girls prep schoolThe headmistress at a girls’ prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: «We’re having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend.» «Why of course,» the Lieutenant answers. ... Читать далее...
14. A human’s Chalkboard AssignmentsThis list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her. 1. I will not bathe my master after he bathes himself in the mud puddle. 2. I will not drag my master from the interesting ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова impressImpress — производить впечатление; отпечаток, след Перевод слова Impress a design on metal — отчеканить рисунок на металле impress somebody favourably — произвести благоприятное впечатление to be impressed by a sight — быть под впечатлением зрелища She Impressed me with her grasp of the subject. Она поразила меня своим пониманием предмета. Father Impressed on me ... Читать далее...
16. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over AfricaThere was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a ... Читать далее...
17. The first clientA young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it,» I am sorry, but my workload is so tremendous that I am not going to be able ... Читать далее...
18. The Zen Master is visiting New York CityThe Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, «Make me one with everything.» The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box ... Читать далее...
19. An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. «Oh honey», said the young nymph, «Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?» «No», said the old man, «It means you can take your pick.»...
20. A school teacher injured his back and had to wearA school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. ... Читать далее...
21. Indian chief’s signalAn Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: «Hey, ... Читать далее...
22. These two country boys, brothers, were knocking aroundThese two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home ... Читать далее...
23. The Missionary and the ChiefA missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы lord it over[lord it over] {v. phr.} To act as the superior and master of;dominate; be bossy over; control. John learned early to lord itover other children. The office manager lorded it over the clerksand typists....
25. High School JobsI got my first Part-time job when I was 15 working at a Car wash in the Summertime. A friend of mine, Rob, worked there and got me the job. I think it paid $2.90 an hour, which I considered a Fortune. There were no Allowances in my family, so most of my brothers and ... Читать далее...
26. Investigating a Terrible AccidentThere was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... Читать далее...
27. My BiographyThe topic that is given to me is «My biography». It sounds too meaningfull. It means something very important. I am sorry to say that there is little to speak about my short past life. I am too young to have my own family, I am not married yet. My name is Vitaly. My last ... Читать далее...
28. Red shirtLong ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, «Bring me my red shirt!» The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Читать далее...
29. A new scamWARNING! This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men. What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car. They are very ... Читать далее...
30. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...
31. Question answer 04What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence? A flat back four! Why did ... Читать далее...
32. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
33. ConfessionsThree young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other. The first one says, «My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,» and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The ... Читать далее...
34. The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctorThe daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ... Читать далее...
35. Family sexTO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too ... Читать далее...
36. A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a groupA young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say «Hi there little boy!!» One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. ... Читать далее...
37. Conducting a SearchSecurity Chief: Okay, people. We’ve just had a report of a Missing child on this property. We need to find him fast. I want you two To search Every room in this building. Look in Every nook and cranny. Ramona: Excuse me, may I ask a question? Security Chief: You can when I’m done. Now ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы come at[come at] {v.} 1. To approach; come to or against; advance toward. The young boxer came at the champion cautiously. 2. To understand or master ; succeed with. The sense of an unfamiliar word is hard to come at....
39. Doing the DishesA young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы C. E. O[C. E. O.] {n.} Abbreviation of «Chief Executive Officer.» The head of a company, factory, firm, etc. We are very proud of the fact that our C. E. O. is a young woman....