The local courtroom was packed as testimony began

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1. I was shopping at our local supermarket I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, “Paper or plastic?” “It doesn’t matter,” she replied, “I’m bisacksual.”...
2. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
3. Перевод слова local Local – местный, локальный Перевод слова Local bus – местный автобус local call – местный звонок local dialect – местный диалект local jurisdiction – местная юрисдикция, внутренняя юрисдикция We had dinner at a Local restaurant. Мы поужинали в местном ресторане. The shop sells Local crafts. Магазин торгует ремесленными изделиями местного производства. He writes for the […]...
4. Значение идиомы matter-of-fact [matter-of-fact] {adj.} 1. Simply telling or showing the truth; notexplaining or telling more. The newspaper gave a matter-of-factaccount of the murder trial. 2. Showing little feeling or excitementor trouble; seeming not to care much. When Mary’s father died sheacted in a very matter-of-fact way. He was a very matter-of-factperson....
5. A wise choice The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: “At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?” Farmer: “That’s right.” Attorney: “Well, then, how is it […]...
6. Where am I, Cathy? Attorney to witness: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?” Witness: “Where am I Cathy?” Attorney: “And why did that upset you?” Witness: “Because my name is Susan.”...
7. Uh-Oh!! The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had […]...
8. Перевод слова sympathetic Sympathetic – сочувствующий, благожелательный, симпатичный Перевод слова Sympathetic smile – сочувственная улыбка sympathetic audience – благожелательная аудитория sympathetic face – симпатичное лицо He mouthed some Sympathetic platitudes. Он изрек пару милых банальностей. Women often feel men are too direct and not Sympathetic enough. Женщины часто чувствуют, что мужчины слишком прямолинейные и не умеют сочувствовать. It […]...
9. A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.” Confounded at the woman’s thrift, […]...
10. Bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy […]...
11. Lawyers on a jury A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with […]...
12. Значение идиомы local yokel [local yokel] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s hand radio jargon} Citypolice officer, as opposed to state police or highway patrol. There’s a local yokel westbound on the move....
13. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
14. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
15. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
16. Pirate at the local bar discusses his past A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and […]...
17. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
18. A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, “Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what’s going on in Rome?” “No,” said Mrs Finkelstein. “I haven’t. What’s going on in Rome?” “A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other […]...
19. Having the equipment A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar […]...
20. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was […]...
21. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
22. Talk to the judge A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you […]...
23. Значение идиомы as a matter of fact [as a matter of fact] {adv. phr.} Actually; really; in addition to what has been said; in reference to what was said. – Often used as an interjection. It’s not true that I cannot swim; as a matter of fact, I used to work as a lifeguard in Hawaii. Do you think this costs too […]...
24. The local priest came across Paddy who had The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”...
25. Перевод слова pity Pity – жалость, сострадание, сожаление Перевод слова To have pity – пожалеть pity is akin to love – жалость сродни любви devoid of pity – безжалостный Once famous, he was now a mere object of Pity. Некогда знаменитый, теперь он лишь вызывал жалость. It’s a Pity you are not here. Жаль, что тебя здесь нет. […]...
26. A farmer walked into an attorney office A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, […]...
27. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
28. You Can Never Really Go Back You Can Never Really Go Back There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she replied, “Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting […]...
29. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
30. Перевод слова guess Guess – гадать, догадываться, предполагать Перевод слова Scientific guess – научное предположение guess who did it! – догадайтесь, кто это сделал! I can guess your answer – я предвижу ваш ответ We may only Guess when it all began. Можно только догадываться, когда все это началось. I’d Guess she is thirty-something. Ей, наверное, немного за […]...
31. Bikers Support Abused Children During Courtroom Cases Bikers Against Child Abuse International (BACA) exists with the intent to create a safer environment for abused children. Crime Watch Daily hits the road and meets the BACA crew in Los Angeles as they work with a new member named Mika. BACA members truly go above and beyond in order to make children more comfortable […]...
32. A real bastard A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. “What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?” “It’s mean!”, the boy sniffed, “My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!” “That’s […]...
33. Значение идиомы take pity on [take pity on] also [take pity upon] {v. phr.} To feel sympathy orpity and do something for. Mary took pity on the orphan kittens. The farmer took pity upon the campers, and let them stay in his barnduring the rain....
34. There were three men who were lost in the forest There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of […]...
35. Following a High-Profile Court Case Danny: Have you been following the Schirru case? Carol: Yeah, I have. I think he’s Guilty. Danny: You’re kidding, right? He’s Innocent and this is a Show trial. The District attorney is conducting a Witch-hunt for his own Political Ambitions. Carol: No, he’s not. It is a High-profile case, but that’s only because he wants […]...
36. A really bad, terrible mistake Fred goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I want to be castrated.” Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation.” Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a little embarrassed about talking […]...
37. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
38. A new statue for the bedroom A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to.” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s […]...
39. Nothing changed On the eve of the couple’s tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. “You know honey,” she said, “I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married.” “Yeah?” the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. “I wish to […]...
40. A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John […]...