The girl knelt in the confessional and said

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1. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
2. Irish religion jokesBoyle sat in a Belfast confessional. «Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,» he said. «I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!» «All right, my son,» admonished the priest. «For penance, finish off the stations!» Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, «Thank you, ... Читать далее...
3. GIRL’S CONFESSIONGIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. «So me and my cousin were alone in the house,» she continued, «and went up to my bedroom…» «Go on, my child,» said the priest gently. «I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on ... Читать далее...
4. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
5. The same thingA married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, «I had an affair with a woman… almost.» The priest says, «what do you mean almost?» The man says, «Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.» The priest replies, «Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not ... Читать далее...
6. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
7. Falling downThere’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, «If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!» Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would ... Читать далее...
8. Is it over yet?It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest. «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.» «Well,» answered the Priest, «That’s no a sin.» «But I made him pay me 20 ... Читать далее...
9. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
10. Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with theirTwo Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, «Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.» The Father said, «Tell me who ... Читать далее...
11. ConfessionThe new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, «Father, I never wears panties under my habit.» The priest chuckles and says, «That’s not so serious. Say five Hail ... Читать далее...
12. Criminal steals lumberA man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. «What did you take?» his priest asked. «Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two ... Читать далее...
13. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seatedA girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: «So, where y’all from?» The New York girl said, «From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.» The ... Читать далее...
14. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffsThere were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, «God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless ... Читать далее...
15. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priestA boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said «Thank you, virgin Father!» The priest replied, «What did you say?» The boy repeated, «Thank ... Читать далее...
16. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breastsIn high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I ... Читать далее...
17. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
18. What causes people to have arthritisA man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the ... Читать далее...
19. What causes arthritis?A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled ... Читать далее...
20. A poor little girl was begging in the streetA poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, «Please, sir, give me some money for a fix.» The man answers, astonished, «Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?» «I’m eight, sir.» «Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?» «Since I ... Читать далее...
21. A little girl and a little boy were at day careA little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, «Hey Tommy, wanna play house?» He says, «Sure! What do you want me to do?» The girl replies, «I want you to communicate your thoughts.» «Communicate my thoughts?» said a bewildered Tommy. «I have no ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова gazeGaze — вглядываться, уставиться; взгляд Перевод слова To gaze intently — пристально смотреть admiring gaze — восхищенный взгляд to gaze devouringly at smth. — с жадностью смотреть на что-л. She gave me an innocent Gaze. Она простодушно взглянула на меня. He Gazed on Niagara Falls like entranced. Он как зачарованный смотрел на Ниагарский водопад. She ... Читать далее...
23. Barry took a girl out on her first dateBarry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, «My mother told me to say no to everything.» «Well,» Barry said, «do you mind if I put my arm around you?» «No,» the girl replied. «Do you mind if I put my ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова girlGirl — девочка, девушка Перевод слова Cool girl — клевая, классная девчонка eleven-year-old girl — одиннадцатилетняя девочка lovely girl — красивая девушка She is my best Girl. Она — моя возлюбленная. We had a little Girl. У нас была маленькая дочка. That Girl’s got class! Классная девчонка! Интересные факты Spice Girls — британская женская поп-группа, ... Читать далее...
25. A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a showerA little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower. It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says….. «Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?» The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. ... Читать далее...
26. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principalSister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. «Father!» she cried, «just WAIT until you hear this!» The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, » Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?» ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы girl friend[girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
28. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
29. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
30. A little girl was out with her GrandmotherA little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. «What are they doing, Grandma?» asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, «The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.» They’re ... Читать далее...
31. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
32. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
33. A priest is walking down the street one day whenA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer ... Читать далее...
34. A little girl was walking along a beach in CaliforniaA little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, «What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?» The man said, «Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!» The man thought nothing of ... Читать далее...
35. Camel DiedCamel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun «I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and ... Читать далее...
36. Not this timeThere was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы working girl[working girl] {n.}, {slang} 1. Aprostitute. I didn’t know Roxanne was a working girl. 2. A girl, usually single, who supports herself by working in an honest job, suchas in an office, etc. The average working girl can’t afford such afancy car....
38. It is written in the Bible!There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. «It’s O. K.,» he replied, «it’s written in ... Читать далее...
39. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whalesA little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a ... Читать далее...
40. One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy’s carOne day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy’s car in the girl’s driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand. She froze, jumped up and said, «I’ve got two words for you, DROP DEAD!» Then ... Читать далее...