The copy machine handout

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1. A business man got on an elevator in a building A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, […]...
2. Getting Bad Service Buck: I’m never going to that coffee house again! Star: Why? What happened? Buck: It’s the third time in a week that I’ve had Lousy service. I don’t expect Five-star treatment, but I do expect Service industry employees to be at least Civil. Star: What happened this time? Buck: I walked in and went up […]...
3. Getting Bad Service Buck: I’m never going to that coffee house again! Star: Why? What happened? Buck: It’s the third time in a week that I’ve had Lousy service. I don’t expect Five-star treatment, but I do expect Service industry employees to be at least Civil. Star: What happened this time? Buck: I walked in and went up […]...
4. Suggestions at Work Our company has been growing very quickly and I was Put in charge of Reorganizing our office space to Accommodate several new employees. I asked my co-worker, Petra, for her advice. Fernando: I was thinking of dividing up two of the larger offices into four smaller offices. What do you think about that? Petra: Well, […]...
5. Retire Aged Personell Early TO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES FROM GOVERNING BORED DATE 22 APR 1986 1. As a result of the HAYZE mismanagement study, we must drastically cut most salaries and reduce our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting management to focus its abuse on younger employees who represent our […]...
6. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
7. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
8. Staying In It’s Friday night and my Roommate and I feel like Staying in. We’ve both had a Tough week at work and decided to have a Low-key evening. On my way home, I stopped at the Video rental store And rented a couple of movies. I got a New release and a Classic. I thought I […]...
9. Buy machine factory An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. “Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.” “Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, […]...
10. Значение идиомы copy cat [copy cat] n. Someone who copies another person’s work or manner. – Usually used by children or when speaking to children. He called me a copy cat just because my new shoes look like his....
11. Answering Machine Messages I got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. “Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon […]...
12. Перевод слова sheet Sheet – лист, простыня Перевод слова As white as a sheet – бледный как полотно carbon sheet – листок копирки sheet steel – листовая сталь He took a clean Sheet of paper. Он взял чистый лист бумаги. You’ll have to start again on a fresh Sheet of paper. Вам придется начать с начала, на чистом […]...
13. Значение идиомы come down [come down] {v.} 1. To reduce itself; amount to no more than. – Followed by “to”. The quarrel finally came down to a question of which boy would do the dishes. Syn.: BOIL DOWN. 2. To be handed down or passed along, descend from parent to child; pass from older generation to younger ones. Mary’s […]...
14. An old lady lived by herself in a small house An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he […]...
15. Значение идиомы heavy-handed [heavy-handed] {adj.} 1. Not skillful or graceful; clumsy. George is heavy-handed and seldom catches the ball. My sisterplays the piano badly; she is too heavy-handed. Tim told aheavy-handed joke about the principal’s baldness that embarrassedeveryone. 2. Likely to hit or punish hard; harsh or cruel in making obey. Years ago many fathers were heavy-handed bosses […]...
16. A talking Frog A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back […]...
17. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
18. Fixing an ailment In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They […]...
19. Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
20. Значение идиомы room service [room service] {n.} Service provided to hotel guests in theirrooms. Also: The hotel workers who give this service. We called forroom service when we wanted ice. Room service will install a TVset in your room upon demand....
21. Значение идиомы in keeping [in keeping] {adj. phr.} Going well together; agreeing; similar. Mary’s hair style was in keeping with the latest fashion. Havingan assembly on Friday morning was in keeping with the school program. Contrast: OUT OF KEEPING....
22. Room Service I was staying at a nice resort hotel in Arizona on a short vacation. I had been out on the Golf course playing a Round of golf. When I got back into the room, I was feeling pretty hungry. I was meeting some friends for a late dinner around 8:30. I wanted a Snack. I […]...
23. Значение идиомы call to order [call to order] {v. phr.} 1. To open formally. The chairman called the committee to order. The president pounded with his gavel to call the convention to order. 2. To warn not to break the rules of a meeting. The judge called the people in the courtroom to order when they talked too loud....
24. An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical “service” smile and “Have a nice day!” The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day […]...
25. Значение идиомы scandal sheet [scandal sheet] {n.} A newspaper that prints much shocking news andscandal. Bob wanted to find out who won the election, but he couldfind only a scandal sheet. The scandal sheet carried big headlinesabout the murder....
26. Перевод слова broke Broke – безнадежный, бедный Перевод слова To go broke – разориться, обанкротиться stony broke – полностью разоренный the horse broke its leg – лошадь сломала ногу Her car Broke down. Ее машина сломалась. The bank Broke. Банк разорился. Both plans Broke down. Оба плана провалились....
27. Borrow a sewing machine? Sacramento Public Library to start loaning more than books Sacramento Public Library patrons will soon be able to check out a variety of tools, technology and home appliances through a “Library of Things” program. Have you ever had the urge to play around with a music synthesizer or take a GoPro camera on an adventure, but didn’t want to own one? It may soon […]...
28. Значение идиомы ham-handed [ham-handed] {adj.}, {slang} 1. Having very large hands. Pete isa big, ham-handed man who used to be a football player. 2. See:HEAVY-HANDED....
29. Questions and Answers at a Presentation Our company hired an Outside firm to Set up a computer system to help us Keep track of the progress on major projects. The company gave us a presentation on how the new system Worked. Afterwards, the employees got a chance to ask questions. Cecelia: So, In a nutshell, those are the Features of the […]...
30. Using the Copier Tim: Damn it! Pam: What’s the matter? Tim: It’s this Copier. My Original didn’t come out of the Feeder and there’s a paper Jam. Pam: Let me see if I can Clear it. This machine is really Temperamental. Tim: Tell me about it. Pam: Okay, I found your original, but it’s Stuck. I’m afraid if […]...
31. Describing One’s Skill Level Elaine: Welcome to your first day as an Intern in our company office. Let me show you around. This is the main office area with a Cubicle for each employee. Are you pretty good with computers? Tony: Actually, my computer knowledge is pretty Basic. The only thing I’m Adept at is videogames. I’m not Up […]...
32. Значение идиомы into question [into question] {adv. phr.} Into doubt or argument. – Usually usedwith “call”, “bring” or “come”. This soldier’s courage has neverbeen called into question. If a boy steals, his parents’ teachingcomes into question....
33. Stupid people stories IDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was […]...
34. True stupid stories 01 Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to […]...
35. Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief […]...
36. Перевод слова copy Copy – копия, экземпляр; копировать Перевод слова For a true copy – “копия верна” to authenticate a copy – заверять копию to copy a file – скопировать файл So this is just a Copy? Так что это всего лишь копия? I’ll send a Copy to you. Я пришлю вам экземпляр. To Copy a file, press […]...
37. Question is too easy ON A CHEMISTRY TEST at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular […]...
38. Значение идиомы out of keeping [out of keeping] {adj. phr.} Not going well together; not agreeing;not proper. Loud talk was out of keeping in the library. It wasout of keeping for the kind man to kick the dog. Contrast: INKEEPING....
39. Значение идиомы master copy [master copy] {n.} 1. A perfect text to which all copies are madeto conform; a corrected version used as a standard by printers. Themaster copy must be right, because if it isn’t, the mistakes in itwill be repeated all through the edition. 2. A stencil from whichother copies are made. Mr. Brown told his secretary […]...
40. A woman consulted a doctor A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, […]...