Stagecoach surprise

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1. In case of emergencyA car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming ... Читать далее...
2. Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the roadLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. «My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf», says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time ... Читать далее...
3. A bunch of Indians capture a cowboyA bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named «Clint», and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, «You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?» ... Читать далее...
4. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
5. The hunting seasonThis truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying «NERDS NOT ALLOWED — ENTER AT OWN RISK!» He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы open the door[open the door] {v. phr.} To allow more action or discussion; givea chance. Learning to read and write opens the door to a better joband better living conditions. Raising the tax rates will open thedoor to more help for older people. Contrast: CLOSE THE DOOR. Compare: OPEN ITS DOORS....
7. Jump out of the planeAn Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says » We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы door[door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, ... Читать далее...
9. A hot mealTwo starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town. they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he will wait. after the first man has eaten his ... Читать далее...
10. A blonde decides to try horseback ridingA blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, ... Читать далее...
11. A business man from New York decided to quit his jobA business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I ... Читать далее...
12. Royalty and WAt Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent ... Читать далее...
13. A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to tryA blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы horse[horse] See: BET ON THE WRONG HORSE, CART BEFORE THE HORSE, CHANGEHORSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAM or CHANGE HORSES IN MIDSTREAM, EATLIKE A HORSE, HOLD ONE’S HORSES. IRON HORSE, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTERTHE HORSE IS STOLEN, LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, OFF ONE’S HIGHHORSE, ON ONE’S HIGH HORSE, PUT ONE’S ... Читать далее...
15. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virginsThere were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, «I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!» Betty says, «Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.» 10 o’clock rolls around ... Читать далее...
16. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
17. Soap dispenserTwo priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has some soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back ... Читать далее...
18. A pushA man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. «I’m not getting out of bed at this time,» he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. «Aren’t you going to ... Читать далее...
19. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remoteAn attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes ... Читать далее...
20. Bathroom controlOne day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says «Hey Paco, you shit your pants?» Paco says «No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants.» He believes him and they keep riding. As they ... Читать далее...
21. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
22. Who am I?Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: «Quick! My husband is back!» Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: «Shit! But I am the husband!» Sent by Ser...
23. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woodsLittle Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. «Ah-ha….,» The Big Bad Wolf said, «Now I’ve got you and I’m going to eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!…» Little Red Riding Hood said angrily, «Damn it, ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы take by surprise[take by surprise] {v. phr.} 1. To appear in front of someonesuddenly or to suddenly discover him before he discovers you; comebefore is ready; appear before unexpectedly. The policeman took the burglar by surprise as he opened the window. When Mrs. Green’s dinner guests came half an hour early, they tookher by surprise. 2. To ... Читать далее...
25. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
26. A drill instructor at Airborne school wasA drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: «When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, ... Читать далее...
27. This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with aThis guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. «Doc,» he says, «I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it again.» «What dream?» asked the shrink, not really paying attention. «You know,» says the man, «the one where I’m into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or ... Читать далее...
28. I trust you that you paidA man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. «But I paid, don’t you remember?» says the customer. «Okay,» says the bartender, «If you said you paid, you did.» The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees ... Читать далее...
29. The right way to ask a questionA Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for number 266418. A short time later, someone knocks, and when he opens the door he sees 2 beautiful and sexy girls who asked him: Have you ordered 2 shikses for one night?...
30. On a very cold winter nightOn a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, «I had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.» The guy on the left says, «I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.» «The guy ... Читать далее...
31. Persistency ActA guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a ... Читать далее...
32. At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guyAt 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. «It opens at noon,» answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even= drunker. «What time does the bar open?» he asks. «Same time as ... Читать далее...
33. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowlyA little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ... Читать далее...
34. Visiting a RanchPiero: What’s all this? Annie: I’m visiting my sister and brother-in-law’s new Ranch next month and I’m getting ready for it. I know I’m a city girl, but I plan To fit right in On that ranch and work Alongside all of the other cowboys. Piero: Well, you Look the part. You’ve got your Cowboy ... Читать далее...
35. A door-to-door vacuum salesman goesA door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, «Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders ... Читать далее...
36. On their first night to be togetherOn their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, «my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.» The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. ... Читать далее...
37. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretaryMr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, «Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.» He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was ... Читать далее...
38. I own the fastest carA man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on ... Читать далее...
39. Outhouse jokeA few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced to ... Читать далее...
40. An Unusual AilmentA man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the ... Читать далее...