Small World

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1. Slow golfers ahead Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. […]...
2. Golfing A foursome is waiting at the men’s tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up […]...
3. Better relationship A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the docotor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” […]...
4. Перевод слова mistress Mistress – хозяйка, госпожа; учительница; любовница Перевод слова Mistress of the house – хозяйка дома mistress of the situation – хозяйка положения new English mistress – новая учительница английского kept mistress – содержанка She had always been Mistress of her own destiny. Она всегда была хозяйкой своей собственной судьбы. The Prince had shocked society by […]...
5. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
6. The room was full of pregnant ladies The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. […]...
7. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially […]...
8. Значение идиомы go halfway [go halfway] or [go halfway to meet one] or [meet one halfway] {v. phr.} To give up part of what you want or to do your share in reachingan agreement with someone. Our neighbors are willing to go halfwayto meet us and pay their share for a fence between our houses. Bobwants to make up […]...
9. Bad Pickup Lines My friend and I were at a restaurant waiting for our Dates to arrive. We sat at the bar and tried to Get The Bartender’s Attention to order a couple of drinks. My friend, Tanya, is very pretty. She is always being Hit on By men. So, It was no surprise that Five minutes after […]...
10. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […]...
11. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
12. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.” The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with […]...
13. Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of […]...
14. Перевод слова golf Golf – гольф Перевод слова Round of golf – партия гольфа golf match – матч по гольфу devotion to golf – увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. […]...
15. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
16. A little delusion The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore […]...
17. Marriage quotes 03 There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a […]...
18. When the staff goes out after work, they talk about When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball. When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball. Top management discusses golf. Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are....
19. Marriage quotes 12 Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. – W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled […]...
20. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode […]...
21. During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape as may French women as they could then say, “In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!” So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully went out and raped a pretty young French girl. He said, “In […]...
22. THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, “I THINK I’LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.” SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE […]...
23. Picking a Fight I was sitting at my local bar waiting for my friends to arrive to watch the game. Two guys sitting a few seats away kept giving me strange looks, and one of them said, “What are you looking at?” I looked around to make sure that he was speaking to me, and before I could […]...
24. Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. “Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: […]...
25. Four married guys go golfing Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second Guy: “That’s nothing, […]...
26. Just like my wife A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my […]...
27. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
28. A wife was berating her husband A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”...
29. The man approached the very beautiful woman The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”...
30. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
31. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. […]...
32. Go to the hospital Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a […]...
33. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
34. The people are waiting Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. “Please fill this immediately,” she asked. “I’ve got people waiting in my car!”...
35. Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife […]...
36. Marriage quotes 10 Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish […]...
37. How to call penis At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a […]...
38. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
39. Expressing Bitter Feelings Laurent: I’m Done with women! They’re Liars and Manipulators. Julie: Let me guess. You’ve had a bad Breakup? Laurent: It wasn’t just bad. It was Monumentally awful. I’m never going to date again. Julie: You’re just feeling Bitter right now, but you’ll Get over it. You won’t always feel so Jaded. Wait a second. Did […]...
40. Man goes to see the Rabbi Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning […]...