Purchasing a New Bird
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!”
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!”
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
“Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!”
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- Перевод слова bird Bird – птица Перевод слова Land bird – наземная птица migratory bird – перелетная птица bird life – жизнь птиц The Bird spread its wings. Птица расправила крылья. The Bird landed in a tree. Птица села на дерево. He is a cagey old Bird. Он – стреляный воробей. Примеры из жизни Angry Birds (“злые птицы”) […]...
- A husband and wife were in their back yard A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, “Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.” She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, “Yep, that thing is getting huge.” At this, the wife retreated to the […]...
- A bored woman says to her husband A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, “Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.” The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, “An elephant”. The wife sez “That’s close enough!”...
- Groundhog Day “I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for […]...
- Значение идиомы eat like a bird [eat like a bird] {v. phr.} To eat very little; have littleappetite. Mrs. Benson is on a diet and she eats like a bird. Alice’s mother is worried about her; she eats like a bird and is verythin. Contrast: EAT LIKE A HORSE....
- Значение идиомы early bird catches the worm [early bird catches the worm] or [early bird gets the worm] Aperson who gets up early in the morning has the best chance ofsucceeding; if you arrive early or are quicker, you get ahead ofothers. – A proverb. When Billy’s father woke him up for school hesaid, “The early bird catches the worm.” Charles began […]...
- Значение идиомы bird [bird] See: EARLY BIRD CATCHES THE WORM or EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM, EAT LIKE A BIRD, FINE FEATHERS DO NOT MAKE FINE BIRDS, FOR THE BIRDS, KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE....
- Перевод слова shopkeeper Shopkeeper – владелец магазина, лавочник Перевод слова We can shake down every Shopkeeper for at least $100. Из каждого владельца магазина можно вытрясти, как минимум, сто долларов. The Shopkeeper eyed the cheque with doubt. Хозяин магазина с сомнением рассматривал чек. The Shopkeeper saved a pound of my special cheese for me. Продавец отложил для меня […]...
- Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
- Значение идиомы bird has flown [bird has flown] {slang} The prisoner has escaped; the captive has got away. When the sheriff returned to the jail, he discovered that the bird had flown....
- Значение идиомы bird of a different feather [bird of a different feather] {n. phr.} A person who is free thinking and independent. Syd won’t go along with recent trends in grammar; he created his own. He is a bird of a different feather....
- Значение идиомы bird watcher [bird watcher] {n.} A person whose hobby is to study birds close-up in their outdoor home. A bird watcher looks for the first robin to appear in the spring....
- There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
- Значение идиомы a little bird told me [a little bird told me] To have learned something from a mysterious, unknown, or secret source. “Who told you that Dean Smith was resigning?” Peter asked. “A little bird told me,” Jim answered....
- Nothing changed On the eve of the couple’s tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. “You know honey,” she said, “I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married.” “Yeah?” the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. “I wish to […]...
- Перевод слова attract Attract – притягивать, привлекать Перевод слова Magnet attracts steel – магнит притягивает сталь to attract attention – привлекать внимание to attract admirers – пленять поклонников Leftover food Attracts flies. Остатки пищи привлекают мух. He shouted to Attract attention. Он закричал, чтобы обратить на себя внимание. The museums Attract a lot of tourists. Музеи привлекают множество […]...
- Значение идиомы bird in the hand is worth two in the bush [bird in the hand is worth two in the bush ] Something we have, or can easily get, is more valuable than something we want that we may not be able to get; we shouldn’t risk losing something sure by trying to get something that is not sure. – A proverb. Johnny has a job […]...
- All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
- Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
- A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.” “Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!”...
- The young immigrant couple had just left the The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. “It is wonderful,” the husband exclaimed. “We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?” “Yes, you male chauvinist pig,” his wife replied. “Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on […]...
- Перевод идиомы early bird, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: early bird Перевод: ранняя пташка; кто-либо, кто встает рано Пример: My sister is an early bird and gets up very early every morning. Моя сестра – ранняя пташка, каждое утро она встает очень рано....
- Перевод слова demonstrate Demonstrate – показывать, демонстрировать Перевод слова To demonstrate new software – демонстрировать новое программное обеспечение to demonstrate enthusiasm – проявлять энтузиазм to demonstrate convincingly – убедительно доказывать How can I Demonstrate to you that my story is true? Как я могу тебя убедить, что говорю правду? He likes to Demonstrate his impassibility to pain. Он […]...
- An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
- Перевод слова shelf Shelf – полка; шельф, отмель Перевод слова Shelf stand – стеллаж a whole shelf of classics – целая полка классиков continental shelf – континентальный шельф shelf ice – шельфовый лед Put the vase on the Shelf. Поставьте эту вазу на полку. Please reach me down that book on the high Shelf. Достань мне пожалуйста вон […]...
- Uh-Oh!! The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had […]...
- While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
- A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
- Being hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. […]...
- Gift tombstones A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever” Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”...
- A big bird Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable. Suddenly the hunters […]...
- Пословица / поговорка the early bird catches the worm – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: the early bird catches the worm Перевод: ранняя птичка носок прочищает, поздняя глаза продирает Эквивалент в русском языке: кто рано встает, того удача ждет Пример: My boss always comes to work early because he believes that the early bird catches the worm. Мой начальник всегда приходит на работу рано, потому что он […]...
- Marital Sex While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: “What happened, did I hurt you?” “Why no, not at all,” said his surprised wife. “Whatever made you […]...
- Пословица / поговорка a bird in hand is worth two in the bush – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: a bird in hand is worth two in the bush Перевод: не сули журавля в небе, дай синицу в руки Эквивалент в русском языке: ближняя соломка лучше дальнего сенца; синица в руках лучше соловья в лесу Пример: “You should accept the job offer with the lower salary now rather than waiting for […]...
- Who’s got a bigger crotch? There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch. The first women said, “My husband can get his whole hand up me”. The second lady said, “My husband can get his whole head up me”. The third lady slid down the bar stool....
- A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
- One day a housewife was going about the usual business One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate. She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she […]...
- A great way to spend eternity A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. “How awful!” exclaimed the wife. “Si, but what a great way to […]...
- A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
- Перевод слова attention Attention – внимание, внимательность Перевод слова To attract attention – привлекать внимание he is all attention – он весь внимание to deserve attention – заслуживать внимания I pay no Attention to hearsay. Я не обращаю внимания на слухи. Lift your head up and pay Attention. Подними голову и внимательно слушай. I am all Attention. Я […]...