Punishment in hell

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1. Gates gets punishmentBill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, «Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every ... Читать далее...
2. Punishment for GatesSatan greets him: «Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked ... Читать далее...
3. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devilGuy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room ... Читать далее...
4. Here is a free puppyThe President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, «Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.» The little girl says, «Thank you, Mr. Clinton. ... Читать далее...
5. A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised whenA fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place. «Well,» said the demon, «the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes ... Читать далее...
6. Capitalist and Socialist HellA young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, «What ... Читать далее...
7. Pick Heaven or HellOne day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. «Welcome to Heaven,» said St. Peter. «Before you get settled in though, it seems we have ... Читать далее...
8. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова hellHell — ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell — превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell — переносить муки ада oh hell! — черт возьми! hell of a way — чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming ... Читать далее...
10. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
11. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы hell[hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
13. Значение идиомы go through hell and high water[go through hell and high water] {v. phr.}, {informal} To gothrough danger, or trouble. John is ready to go through hell andhigh water to help his chum. The soldiers went through hell andhigh water to capture the fort. Compare: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, THROUGH THE MILL....
14. Значение идиомы a hell of[a hell of] a [or one hell of a] {adj. or adv. phr.}, {informal} Extraordinary; very. He made a hell of a shot during the basketball game. Max said seven months was a hell of a time to have to wait for a simple visa. The fall Max took left one hell of a bruise ... Читать далее...
15. Punishment that fits the crimeThree dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks «why are you here?» The schnauzer responds, «I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы hell and high water[hell and high water] {n. phr.} Troubles or difficulties of anykind. After John’s father died he went through hell and high water, but he managed to keep the family together. Compare: COME HELL ORHIGH WATER....
17. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heavenA pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: «You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in ... Читать далее...
18. Nature of HellA thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.» Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when ... Читать далее...
19. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
20. MICHAEL KENNEDYWhat’s the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy? John Denver made it alive out of Aspen. Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy? Not yet, but he’s done one about the tree: «I’m Still Standing» How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy? Check the family tree. ... Читать далее...
21. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
22. Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiotThree men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. «Gentlemen,» the Devil started, «Due to the fact that ... Читать далее...
23. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
24. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы to hell with[to hell with] or [the hell with] {prep. phr.}, {informal} Used toexpress disgusted rejection of something. It’s slop; the hell withwhat the cook calls it. Compare: FED UP, GIVE A HANG....
26. Значение идиомы like hell[like hell] {adv.}, {slang}, {vulgar}, {avoidable} 1. With greatvigor. As soon as they saw the cops, they ran like hell. 2.{interj.} Not so; untrue; indicates the speaker’s lack of belief inwhat he heard. Like hell you’re gonna bring me my dough!...
27. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы when hell freezes over[when hell freezes over] {adv. phr.}, {slang} Never. I’llbelieve you when hell freezes over. Contrast: UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER....
29. Значение идиомы until hell freezes over[until hell freezes over] {adv. phr.}, {slang} Forever, for aneternity. He can argue until hell freezes over; nobody will believehim. Contrast: WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
30. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladderA man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, ... Читать далее...
31. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
32. Fidel dies and goes to heavenFidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод идиомы until hell freezes over, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: until hell freezes over Идиома: until hell freezes over разг. Перевод: навсегда, навечно Пример: He said that he would not talk to his girlfriend again until hell freezes over. Он сказал, что больше никогда в жизни не заговорит со своей девушкой....
34. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
35. Перевод слова modelModel — модель, макет, шаблон Перевод слова Working model — действующая модель constructed after model — сконструировано по образцу a sports model — спортивная модель He was a Model of polite restraint. Он был образцом вежливой сдержанности. As a girl she has been a Model pupil. В детстве она была примерной ученицей. This ideal Model ... Читать далее...
36. The Presidential watchesA man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called «the George Bush Watch» and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says — «you are suppose to read his lips». He then looks at a watch called the «Ross Perot Watch» ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы raise hell, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: raise hell Идиома: raise hell Перевод: шумно пировать, праздновать, кутить Пример: A group of kids were raising hell in the street. Группа детей шумно веселилась на улице....
38. Three calamitiesThree guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы hell-on-wheels[hell-on-wheels] {n.}, {slang} A short-tempered, nagging, or crabbyperson especially one who makes another unhappy by constantlycriticizing him even when he has done nothing wrong. Finnegancomplains that his wife is hell on wheels; he is considering getting adivorce....
40. Значение идиомы devil[devil] See: BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA, FULL OF THE OLD NICK or FULL OF THE DEVIL, GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DUE, GO TO THE DEVIL, PLAY THE DEVIL WITH, RAISE THE DEVIL, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL AND HE APPEARS....