Pray hard
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.” “Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- A little old lady buys a pair of parrots A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t […]...
- The Plumber has arrived A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s […]...
- Footless Parrot A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised […]...
- A very Insulting Parrot This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, “My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.” She turns around quickly to see who […]...
- A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. “No! I’m not doing it anymore!” […]...
- Passing a parrot A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […]...
- A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
- Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!” The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, ” Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?” […]...
- Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said. “What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?” A short time later, […]...
- Chem one-liners 02 Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration. “A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.” Isaac Asimov said that if you want to […]...
- A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. […]...
- Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosure Randy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands – until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate […]...
- College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...
- Значение идиомы lady of the house [lady of the house] {n. phr.} Female owner, or wife of the owner, of the house; the hostess. “Dinner is served,” the lady of thehouse announced to her guests....
- In jail This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: “I got 12 inches over here you would love to have.” The female response was: “Well, spit it out it isn’t yours.”...
- THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CONSENT FORM Name:______________________________ SOCIAL SECURITY No:____________________ ADDRESS:___________________________ CITY:__________________________________ STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________ HOME PHONE No.:________________________ MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________ OFFICE PHONE No.:______________________ SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male – Female Female – Female Male – Male All of the Above None of the Above – Please Specify: _____________________ I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT: Salutatory Greeting: _____________________ Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________ Eye-to-Bust […]...
- A woman was thinking about finding a pet A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large […]...
- Перевод слова cage Cage – клетка, будка Перевод слова Cage for birds – клетка для птиц cargo cage – шахтная грузовая клеть a cashier’s cage – будка кассира The lion was released from its Cage. Лев был выпущен из клетки. This bird should be Caged in. Эту птицу следует держать в клетке. They dragged the reluctant animal into […]...
- A robber was robbing a house A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. “Jesus is watching you!” “who’s there?” The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. “What’s your name,” the robber asked. “Cocodora” said the parrot. “Now, what kind of […]...
- Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as “HE” because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them […]...
- Criminal steals lumber A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked. “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two […]...
- Discussing Philosophy Rene: Why are you sitting here just Staring into space? Francis: I’m Pondering life. Rene: That sounds Profound. Francis: I’m examining my life from a Metaphysical standpoint. I’m not sure I really Exist. Maybe my entire life is an Illusion and there’s no such thing as Reality. Rene: Okay. Are you sure you’re feeling all […]...
- Fluffy died This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow […]...
- Значение идиомы inside out [inside out] {adv.} 1. So that the inside is turned outside. Mother turns the stockings inside out when she washes them. 2. or[inside and out] also [in and out] In every part; throughout;completely. David knows the parts of his bicycle inside out. Wesearched the house inside and out for the kitten. Compare: BACKWARDSAND FORWARDS, INS […]...
- Magician and Parrot Magician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician […]...
- Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god […]...
- Democrats on the front porch This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, “Help, send the police to my house right away! There’s a damn Democrat on my front porch and he’s playing with himself.” “What?” the operator exclaimed. “I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he’s weird; […]...
- Перевод слова inside Inside – внутри, внутрь, внутренний, секретный Перевод слова To be inside – быть в помещении to go inside – войти в помещение inside information – секретные сведения the inside of the house – внутренние помещения дома Look Inside. Загляни внутрь. The door bolts from Inside. Эта дверь запирается изнутри. I happen to know the Inside. […]...
- A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders […]...
- Divine Right Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest […]...
- Перевод слова priest Priest – священник Перевод слова To ordain a priest – посвящать в духовный сан priest’s trappings – внешние атрибуты священника priest brethren – братья в священстве We thanked the Priest for his kind words. Мы поблагодарили священника за теплые слова. A Priest, vested in surplice. Священник, облаченный в стихарь. A Priest has eased me of […]...
- Перевод слова solution Solution – решение, объяснение; раствор Перевод слова To discover a solution to the problem – найти решение проблемы facile solution – поверхностное заключение to make a solution – приготовить раствор The problem has a unique Solution. Задача имеет единственное решение. The Solution boiled at 57.4°C. Этот раствор кипел при 57.4°с. There’s no Solution to this […]...
- Перевод слова male Male – мужчина, мужской, мужского пола Перевод слова Male voice choir – мужской хор male fern – мужской папоротник male midwife – акушер male pigeon – голубь-самец A Male duck is a drake. Самец утки – это селезень. The Male has a white breast. У самцов грудка белая. Does Christianity promote Male domination over women? […]...
- This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
- Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
- Значение идиомы parrot-fashion [parrot-fashion] {adv.} Like a parrot; by rote memorization andwithout any understanding. The candidate delivered a speech thatwas prepared for him and he read it parrot-fashion....
- Перевод слова female Female – женщина, женский; женского пола Перевод слова Female relations – родственницы female patients – пациентки female education – женское образование Female cattle are cows. Женские особи крупного рогатого скота – это коровы. A Female deer is a doe. Самка оленя называется оленихой. The workers were overwhelmingly Female. Среди работников преобладали женщины. Примеры из жизни […]...
- A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says ” where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies ” Over in Africa, there’s millions of them ” !!!!...
- Falling down There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would […]...
- Never talk to the Parrot Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, […]...