Outhouse joke

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1. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
2. These two country boys, brothers, were knocking aroundThese two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home ... Читать далее...
3. Gas-tank jokeThis practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got. So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas each night and ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова infamousInfamous — позорный, постыдный, низкий Перевод слова Infamous acts — постыдные поступки infamous crime — позорящее преступление infamous lie — низкая ложь infamous punishment — бесчестящее наказание Los Angeles’ Infamous smog. Печально известный Лос-Анджелесский смог. The sanitary conditions were, without exception, Infamous. Санитарные условия были в целом ужасными. He committed an Infamous crime. Он совершил ... Читать далее...
5. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf proOnce the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. «But,» said the duffer, «since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.» The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with ... Читать далее...
6. And yet another college dorm jokeI have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a ... Читать далее...
7. Cow jokeAnother Cow joke I attribute to my ‘Ol chemestry prof was the placement of a cow onto the roof. I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would be down. Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses. ... Читать далее...
8. First Aid CourseWhen a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. ‘Step aside, lady,’ he barked. ‘I’ve taken a course in first-aid!’ The women watched for a few ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова vainVain — напрасный, бесполезный, тщетный; тщеславный, пустой Перевод слова Vain regrets — напрасные сожаления vain attempt — тщетная попытка vain discussion — бесплодный спор vain pleasures — пустые развлечения It is Vain to protest. Протестовать бесполезно. The doctors tried in Vain to pull him round. Врачи безуспешно пытались привести его в сознание. He is the ... Читать далее...
10. Drunk orders himself a beerA man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink — he could ... Читать далее...
11. Yet another dorm jokeHere’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы side by side[side by side] {adv.} 1. One beside the other in a row. Alice’sdolls were lined up side by side on the window seat. Charles andJohn are neighbors; they live side by side on Elm Street. Compare:SHOULDER TO SHOULDER. 2. Close together. The two boys played sideby side all afternoon....
13. Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the worldBecause his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. «Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы in vain[in vain] {adv. phr.} 1. Without effect; without getting thedesired result; without success. The drowning man called in vainfor help. To cry over spilled milk is to cry in vain. Compare: GOFOR NOTHING, NO USE. 2. See: TAKE ONE’S NAME IN VAIN....
15. Chinese Fire DrillOne joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and ... Читать далее...
16. Like to screw?It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,» he says. «That’s cool» says Bobby. Carrie’s ... Читать далее...
17. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова victimVictim — жертва, потерпевший Перевод слова The victim of malice — жертва недоброжелательства the victim of his own folly — жертва собственной глупости earthquake victim — жертва землетрясения He was the Victim of an error. Он был жертвой ошибки. He was the Victim of a freak accident. Он стал жертвой странного происшествия. The Victim was ... Читать далее...
19. Enduring HazingRafael: Go away and stop following us. Our Club is for boys only. Hannah: But I want To join. Rafael: You do, huh? Did you know that to join our club, you have to go through an Initiation? Hannah: Okay, I’ll do that. What do I have to do? Rafael: You have To endure weeks ... Читать далее...
20. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова clubClub — клуб Перевод слова Tennis club — теннисный клуб nature-study club — клуб натуралистов-любителей to join a club — стать членом клуба Shall we go to a Club? Мы пойдем в клуб? You have to play a Club. Вы должны играть в клубе. I’ll see you at the Club. Увидимся в клубе....
22. An extremely loyal fanThere was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself «what a waste» he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, «Is ... Читать далее...
23. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
24. College bar jokeWhen I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the ... Читать далее...
25. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
26. New family driverMartin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. «I’ll bet you’re back there to get ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы closed-door[closed-door] {adj.} Away from the public; in private or in secret; limited to a few. The officers of the club held a closed-door meeting. The committee decided on a closed-door rule for the investigation. Compare: IN PRIVATE....
28. Nervous at an Interview III was Just in time for my interview and I was very nervous. I walked up to the Receptionist. She was talking into a Headset and typing on her keyboard. David: Good morning. I’m David Laso. I have an appointment with Dale Mendoza at 10 o’clock. Could you please let her know that I’m here? ... Читать далее...
29. Stagecoach surpriseI had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into ... Читать далее...
30. During WW II an American soldierDuring WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы close its doors[close its doors] {v. phr.} 1. To keep someone or something from entering or joining; become closed. The club has closed its doors to new members. 2. To fail as a business; go bankrupt. The fire was so damaging that the store had to close its doors. Business was so poor that we had to ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы foot in the door[foot in the door] {n. phr.}, {informal} The first step towardgetting or doing something; a start toward success; opening. Don’tlet Jane get her foot in the door by joining the club or soon she’llwant to be president....
33. Значение идиомы door[door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, ... Читать далее...
34. New University PromosIt was clear that one day the Ivy League would grow desperate. The the average tuition (per year) for each institution is outta site and they just aren’t getting enough applicants. I understand that in a rash, unprecedented move, some colleges are taking out advertising in the middle of ‘Sesame Street’ episodes, to differentiate themselves ... Читать далее...
35. The homework scheduleHere is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend ... Читать далее...
36. At The SuperbowlBob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium — he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова seatSeat — сиденье, место, стул Перевод слова A car with four seats — четырехместная машина please, take a seat — садитесь, пожалуйста garden seat — садовая скамейка This Seat is engaged. Это место занято. Is this Seat free? Это место свободно? Dibs on the front Seat! Чур, я на переднем сиденье! Примеры из жизни В ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы take one’s name in vain[take one’s name in vain] {v. phr.} 1. To call upon as awitness to your truth or honesty when you are lying; swear by untruthfully. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God invain. 2. {informal} To talk about a person or mention his name. «Did I hear someone taking my name ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы at one’s door[at one’s door] or [at one’s doorstep] {adv. phr.} 1. Very close; very near where you live or work. Johnny is very lucky because there’s a swimming pool right at his doorstep. Mr. Green can get to work in only a few minutes because the subway is at his door. 2. See: LAY AT ONE’S ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы side[side] See: CHOOSE UP SIDES, FROM SIDE TO SIDE, GET UP ON THE WRONGSIDE OF THE BED, GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THEFENCE or GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL, LAUGHON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, ON ONE’S BAD SIDE, ON ONE’S GOODSIDE, ON THE ... Читать далее...