Outhouse joke

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1. Practical Joke A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn’t have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back to their new apartment after the wedding. The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, and the […]...
2. These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home […]...
3. Cow joke Another Cow joke I attribute to my ‘Ol chemestry prof was the placement of a cow onto the roof. I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would be down. Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses. […]...
4. A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat. She says, “That’s it! That’s it!” He says, “It can’t be. I part mine […]...
5. Значение идиомы side by side [side by side] {adv.} 1. One beside the other in a row. Alice’sdolls were lined up side by side on the window seat. Charles andJohn are neighbors; they live side by side on Elm Street. Compare:SHOULDER TO SHOULDER. 2. Close together. The two boys played sideby side all afternoon....
6. Значение идиомы bottom [bottom] See: BET ONE’S BOOTS or BET ONE’S BOTTOM DOLLAR, FROM THE BOTTOM OF ONE’S HEART, FROM — TO –, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF, HIT BOTTOM or TOUCH BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM, SCRAPE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL....
7. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
8. College cafeteria joke Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), […]...
9. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the […]...
10. Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. “Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: […]...
11. Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
12. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to […]...
13. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
14. Перевод слова bottom Bottom – низ, дно Перевод слова Bottom shelf – нижняя полка bottom fish – донная рыба bottom door – трап, люк It’s on the Bottom shelf. Это на нижней полке. The pants flare at the Bottom. Брюки книзу расширяются. He tripped on the Bottom step. Он споткнулся о нижнюю ступеньку....
15. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...
16. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it […]...
17. Phone joke II One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number […]...
18. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
19. Значение идиомы heavy-footed [heavy-footed] {adj.} 1. Slow and clumsy in walking or movement;awkward in using your feet. The fat man tried to dance, but he wastoo heavy-footed. Martha is not fat, but she is heavy-footed andwalks noisily. 2. Awkward in choice and order of words; not smoothand graceful; clumsy. In Mary’s compositions, the words seem todance, but John’s […]...
20. Save the dead rabbit A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
21. The organization is like a tree full of monkeys The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes....
22. College bar joke When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the […]...
23. Ex-Police car joke We have various local spots where the teenagers park, cruise, hold drag races, drink beer etc. We happen to own a white 1983 Dodge Diplomat, the exact kind of car used by the State Patrol around here as well as many law enforcement agencies nationwide. (Actually our car WAS a state patrol car, but that’s […]...
24. A chinese detective A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb […]...
25. Перевод слова seize Seize – схватить, хватать, захватывать Перевод слова To seize with both hands – схватить двумя руками to seize the throne – завладеть троном to seize the reins of power – захватить бразды правления The army Seized the town. Армия захватила город. The bank Seized their property. Банк конфисковал их имущество. Fear Seized the prisoners. Страх […]...
26. Значение идиомы hit bottom [hit bottom] or [touch bottom] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To be atthe very lowest. In August there was a big supply of corn and theprice hit bottom. When Johnny failed the exam his spirits hitbottom. 2. To live through the worst; not to be able to go any lower. After all their troubles, they thought […]...
27. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
28. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
29. Значение идиомы foot [foot] See: AT ONE’S FEET, COLD FEET, DEAD ON ONE’S FEET, DRAGONE’S FEET, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, GET ONE’SFEET WET, HAND AND FOOT, KEEP ONE’S FEET, KNOCK OFF ONE’S FEET, LANDON ONE’S FEET, LET GRASS GROW UNDER ONE’S FEET, ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, ON FOOT, ON ONE’S FEET, […]...
30. A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
31. Значение идиомы on one’s feet [on one’s feet] {adv. phr.} 1. Standing or walking; not sitting orlying down; up. Before the teacher finished asking the question, George was on his feet ready to answer it. In a busy gasolinestation, the attendant is on his feet all day. Compare: TO ONE’SFEET. Contrast: OFF ONE’S FEET. 2. Recovering; getting better fromsickness or […]...
32. Fox urine spray thwarts tree thefts What can run a feral, East Campus cat off a liver truck and save a few trees in the process? Fox urine sprayed on pine and spruce trees might not make much sense to some people who know the beauty of East Campus’ Arboretum. But to the landscaping staff at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, it’s […]...
33. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
34. Bought a lousy tree Signs you’ve got a bad christmas tree 8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman’s opening line: “You’re not a cop, are you?” 6. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers 5. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride. […]...
35. Значение идиомы come to nothing [come to nothing] also {formal} [come to naught] {v. phr.} To end in failure; fail; be in vain. The dog’s attempts to climb the tree after the cat came to nothing....
36. Значение идиомы hang heavy [hang heavy] or [hang heavy on one’s hands] {v. phr.} To passslowly or uninterestingly; be boring with little to do. Thevacation time hung heavy on Dick’s hands because all his friends wereaway at camp. Compare: ON ONE’S HANDS....
37. Wooden back houses This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law. First, a little background: He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what we call in good ol’ french canadian ‘becosse’, from ‘back house’ I think. […]...
38. Значение идиомы bottom drop out [bottom drop out] or [bottom fall out] {v. phr.} {informal} 1. To fall below an earlier lowest price. The bottom dropped out of the price of peaches. 2. To lose all cheerful qualities; become very unhappy, cheerless, or unpleasant. The bottom dropped out of the day for John when he saw his report card. The […]...
39. Detective report A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. […]...
40. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, […]...