No pressure

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1. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
2. A man answers the phone and has the following A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult – I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. “Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was […]...
3. A Routine Procedure Julia: Aren’t you nervous about your Surgery next week? Hugh: No, it’s a Routine procedure. I don’t even need To be admitted overnight. Julia: But aren’t you going under General anesthesia? It’s not the same as Local anesthesia, you know. Hugh: Yes, I know. This is an Out-patient procedure. If the doctors don’t think I […]...
4. Chaim escapes from a mental hospital Chaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, “Are you Jewish?” The man says, “No.” Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, “You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?” The man replies, “No!” […]...
5. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
6. An unfortunate situation A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, “MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father […]...
7. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”...
8. Перевод слова nervous Nervous – нервный Перевод слова Nervous exhaustion – нервное истощение nervous giggle – нервный смех nervous disorder – нервное расстройство the higher nervous system – высшая нервная деятельность Don’t be Nervous. Не волнуйтесь. It was a very Nervous situation. Обстановка была очень нервной. Sit back, there’s no need to be Nervous. Расслабься, беспокоиться не о […]...
9. Перевод слова operation Operation – операция; действие, работа, функционирование Перевод слова To bear an operation satisfactorily – удовлетворительно перенести операцию to conduct welding operation – вести сварку operation from a distance – действие на расстоянии The Operation was of no effect. Операция не принесла успеха. The Operation of the pump is very simple. Этот насос очень прост в […]...
10. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older, You are just getting better.” When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the […]...
11. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
12. An advantage of being with an older woman If you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you....
13. One doc operated on a person for a hernia One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. […]...
14. Kick-ass sermon A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, […]...
15. Peer pressure – Давление со стороны сверстников “О себе” – все топики. Peer pressure There is no doubt that negative peer pressure is one of the most burning problems in the modern world. To begin with, let us find out what peer pressure means. According to the Cambridge Academic Content Dictionary, peer pressure is the pressure that you feel to behave in […]...
16. Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her. “To remove that vibrator,” said the doctor, “I’m going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation.” “I don’t think I can afford that,” said Sally. “Could you just replace the batteries?”...
17. A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting. “Why not?” said I. “Let her marry a Gentile boy. I’m all […]...
18. A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […]...
19. A fortunate twist of fate Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. “How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers. “It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied. “I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your […]...
20. Is there a doctor in the house? A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, “Please, is there a doctor in the house?!” Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, “Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?”...
21. Baby bear wants to live somewhere else The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of […]...
22. Перевод слова perform Perform – выполнять, совершать, исполнять Перевод слова To perform a religious ceremony – совершать религиозный обряд to perform an exploit – совершать подвиг perform a function – выполнять функцию Our team Performed very well in the match. Наша команда очень хорошо выступила в матче. How well your daughter Performs on the piano! Как хорошо играет […]...
23. A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. “I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and […]...
24. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
25. Life as a thing Life is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very […]...
26. When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked Chris when he boarded. “Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.” “How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?” […]...
27. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
28. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
29. Перевод слова pressure Pressure – давление, нажим Перевод слова Normal blood pressure – нормальное давление low blood pressure – пониженное давление under the pressure of world public opinion – под давлением мирового общественного мнения He buckled under Pressure. На него надавили, и он сдался. The Pressure varies with the depth. Давление меняется в зависимости от глубины. He has […]...
30. American University Grading Procedures Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: – All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: – Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books […]...
31. Значение идиомы talk up [talk up] {v.} 1. To speak in favor or support of. Let’s talk upthe game and get a big crowd. 2. To speak plainly or clearly. Theteacher asked the student to talk up. Syn.: SPEAK UP. 3. {informal}To say what you want or think; say what someone may not like. Talkup if you want more […]...
32. Значение идиомы pressure group [pressure group] {n. phr.} An organization whose goal it is tocreate changes by lobbying for the benefit of its own members. Certain unscrupulous pressure groups stop at nothing to achieve theirselfish aims....
33. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
34. Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much better since his operation, but couldn’t account for the enormous bump on the back of his head. “Oh, that,” chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. “Just before your operation they suddenly ran out of ether!”...
35. Apologizing for a Bad Date I really Blew it last night. I finally asked my neighbor, Fatima, out on a date and she Walked out on me in the middle of it. I didn’t blame her. I wanted To make a good impression on her, but I felt I was Floundering a half an hour into the date. I decided […]...
36. A mother-daughter conversation A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with […]...
37. Conditional Features Uslovnye edinicy the Play About Love – Условные единицы пьеса про любовь Once I was invited to the theatre and I thought: “Oh, you invite me to watch some classical play”, but the answer was the following: “Conditional features, the play about love, it is modern by the way.” It happened in november, the 22nd of november to be exact, at Drama theatre named after I. A. […]...
38. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
39. Значение идиомы live on borrowed time [live on borrowed time] {v. phr.} To live or last longer than wasexpected. Ever since his operation, Harvey felt he was living onborrowed time. Mr. Brown was living on borrowed time because ayear ago the doctors had told him he would only live six months....
40. Вопросы в косвенной речи в английском языке Вопросы в косвенной речи в английском языке передают лишь содержание вопроса прямой речи, но сами они вопросами, как таковыми, не являются. Исходя из этого, порядок слов в косвенных вопросах такой же, как в утвердительных предложениях, то есть подлежащее следует до сказуемого, вспомогательные глаголы не используются, а также в конце таких вопросов не ставится вопросительный знак. […]...