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1. A man escapes from prisonA man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of ... Читать далее...
2. Over my dead body!A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they might have another try at marriage. His ex-wife sneered in reply, «Over my dead body!» He downed his drink and replied, «Well, I see you haven’t changed one little bit.»...
3. A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
4. A well laid out plan«First,» said the playboy, «I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.» «Oh no you’re not,» said the girl. «Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.» «Oh no you’re not.» «Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.» ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы change one’s mind[change one’s mind] {v. phr.} To alter one’s opinion or judgment on a given issue. I used to hate Chicago, but as the years passed I gradually changed my mind and now I actually love living here....
6. Значение идиомы change hands[change hands] {v. phr.} To change or transfer ownership. Ever since our apartment building changed hands, things are working a lot better....
7. Значение идиомы change color[change color] {v. phr.} 1. To become pale. The sight was so horrible that Mary changed color from fear. Bill lost so much blood from the cut that he changed color. 2. To become pink or red in the face; become flushed; blush. Mary changed color when the teacher praised her drawing. Tom got angry ... Читать далее...
8. Sneaky, sneakyAlice was becoming frustrated by her husband’s insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night — only to find a cucumber in his hand. «Is THIS», she asked, pointing to the vegetable, «what you’ve been using on me for ... Читать далее...
9. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
10. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы change off[change off] {v.}, {informal} To take turns doing something; alternate. John and Bill changed off at riding the bicycle. Bob painted one patch of wall and then he changed off with Tom....
12. A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The ... Читать далее...
13. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
14. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова deadDead — мертвый, увядший, смертельно Перевод слова Dead body — труп dead list — список погибших dead leaves — засохшие листья dead to all love — безразличный к любви You look Dead beat. Ты выглядишь смертельно усталой. Drop Dead! Иди к черту! Отвали! My fingers are Dead. У меня онемели пальцы. Интересные факты «Мертвец» (Dead ... Читать далее...
16. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husbandAfter their love-making session the young bride asks her husband «Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»»Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»...
17. Welfare applicationsFor those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which ... Читать далее...
18. One day a lady went to the doctors officeOne day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that «if you give your ... Читать далее...
19. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
20. One day a housewife was going about the usual businessOne day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate. She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы change one’s tune[change one’s tune] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make a change in your story, statement, or claim; change your way of acting. The man said he was innocent, but when they found the stolen money in his pocket he changed his tune. Bob was rude to his teacher, but she threatened to tell the principal and ... Читать далее...
22. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday nightThis woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. «Oh, no! I ... Читать далее...
23. Husband always insisted on making loveHusband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, «You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?» Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, «I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..»...
24. Значение идиомы dine out[dine out] {v. phr.} To not eat at home but to go to a restaurant. «Let’s dine out tonight, honey,» she said to her husband. «I am tired of cooking dinner every night.» See: EAT OUT....
25. Значение идиомы over one’s dead body[over one’s dead body] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Not having theability to stop something undesirable from taking place. «You willget married at age sixteen over my dead body!» Jane’s father cried....
26. Перевод слова honeyHoney — мед, сладость, медовый, сладкий Перевод слова To remove honey from a hive — отбирать мед из улья he was all honey — он был приторно любезен honey cake — медовая коврижка honey sweet — сладкий как мед She likes Honey in her tea. Она любит чай с медом. She specializes in Honey bees. ... Читать далее...
27. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a showA young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned ... Читать далее...
28. There was an old married couple that had happilyThere was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she ... Читать далее...
29. Life is cruelWhat women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful ... Читать далее...
30. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
31. Types of MeetingsSusanna: All right, then. This meeting is over. We’ll meet again next week for a Status update. Juan: Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk about tomorrow’s Teleconference? Susanna: Sorry, I’ve got to run. I’m late for my department’s weekly Brainstorming session. Can it wait? Juan: Sure, how about a Lunch meeting? Susanna: ... Читать далее...
32. The Bachelor DietMonday Breakfast — Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch — Send your secretary out for six «gutbombers» — those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have ... Читать далее...
33. Azolla fern: A climate change cure?Earth, 50 million years ago… A world beginning to flourish under the influence of a little fern called Azolla, which pulled much of the greenhouse gas CO2 out of the atmosphere. FIFTY million years ago the Earth was in a dire state. Overheated by runaway greenhouse gases, the future of life seemed bleak. But a ... Читать далее...
34. The bachelor’s dietBachelor’s Diet MONDAY: BREAKFAST — Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH — Send your secretary out for six «gutbombers» those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and ... Читать далее...
35. Life as a thingLife is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very ... Читать далее...
36. Happens all the timeA guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she’d like ... Читать далее...
37. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
38. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
39. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...
40. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...