Newly issued alcohol warnings

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1. Warning labels If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let’s at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major […]...
2. Перевод слова alcohol Alcohol – алкоголь, спирт Перевод слова Absolute alcohol – чистый спирт denatured alcohol – денатурат methyl alcohol – метиловый спирт alcohol addict – алкоголик I abstain from Alcohol. Я воздерживаюсь от алкоголя. Alcohol fogs his brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги. His breath stank of Alcohol. От него воняло перегаром. Примеры из жизни Обратите внимание, что […]...
3. The alcohol trouble During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols: The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of […]...
4. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
5. Алкоголь/ Alcohol На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Alcohol Алкоголь Health is the main value in every person’s life. It is important to take good care of it and to avoid bad habits, such as alcohol misuse, drug abuse, smoking, etc. One of the most harmful effects on our body is caused by drinking alcohol. Some […]...
6. The office happenings Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”. Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.” A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until […]...
7. The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, “I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks.” The hands said, “I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person.” The legs declared, “I shuld be boss since I carry the body and […]...
8. The WORK virus There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and […]...
9. “Вредные привычки: курение, алкоголь, наркотики” (Bad habits: smoking, alcohol, drugs) We all have habits, good or bad. Some of them are a bit strange: reading magazines back to front, for instance. Others can be annoying: like biting your nails or being always late. You are lucky if you have only good and healthy habits: jogging every morning or brushing your teeth after meals. Unfortunately many […]...
10. Choking a girlfriend The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November 29, 1992 The Ontario Press Council dismissed a complaint filed by Allan Sorensen against the Toronto Sun, which had reported that Sorenson had choked his ex-girlfriend. Sorensen’s complaint was that […]...
11. Bosses versus workers When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that […]...
12. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these […]...
13. The newly divorced woman The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a “man’s world” there. Thinking that she […]...
14. Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says “I can play all my favorite songs on this.” The second takes out a deck of cards. “I can play poker with myself with these.” The third gets out a box of […]...
15. The newly married man came home from work The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. “Guess what I got planned for dinner?” she asked seductively. “And don’t you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.”...
16. Giving Warnings and Cautions Brett: Hi, Mom. Come in. Welcome to my new place. My roommates aren’t here right now or I’d introduce you. Mom: Hi, dear. This is…uh…nice. Brett: It is, isn’t it? I know you were a little worried about me Moving out and into a house with five roommates. But as you can see, this is […]...
17. Перевод идиомы assault and battery, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: assault and battery Перевод: такое преступление, когда преступник нападает и избивает кого-либо Пример: The man was arrested for assault and battery after the fight. Мужчина был арестован по обвинению в нападении после драки....
18. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
19. Перевод слова boss Boss – босс, шеф Перевод слова Absolute boss – непререкаемый лидер party boss – партийный босс to kowtow to the boss – подлизываться к начальнику My old Boss was awful! Мой прежний босс был ужасен! He is his own Boss now. Теперь он сам себе начальник. Clear this with the Boss. Согласуй это с шефом. […]...
20. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the […]...
21. Age difference What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68? At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her […]...
22. Перевод слова newly Newly – вновь, заново, по-новому Перевод слова Furniture newly arranged – по-новому расставленная мебель newly arrived – вновь прибывший newly-born child – новорожденный newly married – новобрачный, новобрачная The offices were Newly tabled. В офисах были поставлены новые столы. That grass is Newly seeded, please get off! Газон только что засеяли, пожалуйста, уйдите с него. […]...
23. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkers Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London […]...
24. An Idiot Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No....
25. Перевод сленгового выражения idiot box, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: idiot box Перевод: телевизор, “ящик” Синоним: boob tube Пример: I wasted my whole night in front of the idiot box. Я всю ночь просидел перед ящиком....
26. Some police quotes “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes sir, you can talk to the shift […]...
27. Legal Problems I was reading the newspaper this morning and saw a story about a university student Arrested and Charged with Burglary and Assault. Last Monday, this student hit a Security guard over the head, Broke into his professor’s office, and Stole the professor’s computer. He wasn’t doing well in the class and thought that he could […]...
28. Completing a Drug/Alcohol Rehabilitation Program John: I’m glad to see you’re back and looking so healthy. Lindsay: Thanks. Rehab wasn’t easy, but getting Treatment for my Addiction saved my life. I’d hit Rock bottom. John: Recovery from Substance abuse isn’t easy, but I’m happy you got the help you needed. Lindsay: I’m glad I checked into an Inpatient program. I […]...
29. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...
30. Apologizing for a Bad Date I really Blew it last night. I finally asked my neighbor, Fatima, out on a date and she Walked out on me in the middle of it. I didn’t blame her. I wanted To make a good impression on her, but I felt I was Floundering a half an hour into the date. I decided […]...
31. Ordering fast food The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our […]...
32. Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. “Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that […]...
33. Перевод слова story Story – рассказ, повесть, сюжет Перевод слова Short story – рассказ, новелла funny story – анекдот the main thing in a novel is the story – самое главное в романе – это сюжет His Story rings true. Его рассказ звучит правдоподобно. He told us the Story. Он рассказал нам эту историю. I accredited his Story. […]...
34. Значение идиомы meatball [meatball] {n.}, {slang} A dull, boring, slow-witted, oruninteresting person. You’ll never get an interesting story out ofthat meatball – stop inviting him....
35. What is intelligence Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.” So he climbed out of the hole […]...
36. Значение идиомы dirty story [dirty story] {n. phr.} An improper or obscene story. Uncle Bill is much too fond of telling dirty stories in order to embarrass his friends....
37. Phone joke A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in Illinois (I think…) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and – such day, Illinois Bell would be “blowing the dust out of the phone lines” and that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with […]...
38. A robber was robbing a house A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. “Jesus is watching you!” “who’s there?” The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. “What’s your name,” the robber asked. “Cocodora” said the parrot. “Now, what kind of […]...
39. Stop being late to work Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]...
40. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...