Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair

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1. A young blonde woman is distraughtA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband ... Читать далее...
2. A jealous husband hires a private detectiveA jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all ... Читать далее...
3. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
4. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
5. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы old maid[old maid] {n. phr.} A spinster; a woman who has never married. Because my old maid aunt is a terrific cook as well as a good-lookingwoman, nobody understands why she never married....
7. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
8. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
9. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
10. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart andOne day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the ... Читать далее...
11. Beautiful — in a sentenceThe teacher says, «Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is «beautiful». Little Sally, would you please come up here and use «beautiful» in a sentence?» Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод идиомы let one’s hair down / let down one’s hair, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: let one’s hair down / let down one’s hair Перевод: расслабиться, делать то, что хочется; не обращать внимания на мнение других, перестать стесняться Пример: Everybody at the party let down their hair and had a good time. На вечеринке все расслаблялись, веселились, и хорошо проводили время....
13. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
14. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод идиомы curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl Идиома: curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl Перевод: шокировать, привести в ужас; заставить волосы встать дыбом Пример: The man described the accident. It was enough to curl your hair! Мужчина описал несчастный случай. От этого волосы вставали дыбом!...
16. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virginsThere were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, «I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!» Betty says, «Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.» 10 o’clock rolls around ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы hair[hair] See: CURL ONE’S HAIR, GET GRAY HAIR or GET GRAY, GIVE GRAYHAIR, HANG BY A THREAD or HANG BY A HAIR, HIDE OR HAIR or HIDE NORHAIR, IN ONE’S HAIR, LET ONE’S HAIR DOWN, OUT OF ONE’S HAIR, SPLITHAIRS, TEAR ONE’S HAIR....
18. It’s dark in hereA woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there ... Читать далее...
19. A blonde and a brunette were talking one dayA blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him «Head and Shoulders» and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, «How do you give shoulders?»...
20. Значение идиомы hide or hair[hide or hair] or [hide nor hair] {n. phr.}, {informal} A sign ortrace of someone that is gone or lost; any sign at all of somethingmissing. Usually used in negative or interrogative sentence. Tommyleft the house this morning and I haven’t seen hide or hair of himsince. A button fell off my coat and I ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова hairHair — волосы Перевод слова Blond hair — белокурые волосы bush of hair — копна волос fly-away hair — пушистые, развевающиеся волосы Fix your Hair! Причеши волосы! She has dark Hair. У нее темные волосы. She pinned up her Hair. Она заколола свои волосы....
22. Hair on my chestA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA!» he snorted. «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, «There! I ... Читать далее...
23. A blonde goes for a job interviewA blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова beautifulBeautiful — красивый, прекрасный Перевод слова Beautiful face — прекрасное лицо beautiful landscape — красивый пейзаж beautiful scene — красивый вид What a Beautiful shot! Какой прекрасный снимок! She is so Beautiful. Она так красива. The weather was Beautiful. Была прекрасная погода. Примеры из жизни ‘You’re beautiful’ («Ты прекрасна») — популярная песня Джеймса Бланта. Происхождение ... Читать далее...
25. A young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up strandedA young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, ... Читать далее...
26. A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar intoA blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept punching the buttons only to have happen what you’d expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went and got more. Back ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы tear one’s hair[tear one’s hair] {v. phr.} To show sorrow, anger, or defeat. Ben tore his hair when he saw the wrecked car. The teacher torehis hair at the boy’s stupid answer. It was time to go to class, but Mary had not finished the report she had to give, and she begantearing her hair....
28. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doingAn Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, «Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.» The Mexican opened ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы let one’s hair down[let one’s hair down] or [let down one’s hair] {v. phr.},{informal} Act freely and naturally; be informal; relax. Kings andqueens can seldom let their hair down. After the dance, thecollege girls let their hair down and compared dates. Compare: LETGO....
30. You’re not going to believe this!A woman got a problem with her closet door — it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. «OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close ... Читать далее...
31. A couple of blonde men in a pickup truckA couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, «We need some four-by-twos.» The clerk said, «You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?» The man said, «I’ll go check,» and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы in one’s hair[in one’s hair] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Bothering you again andagain; always annoying. Johnny got in Father’s hair when he wastrying to read the paper by running and shouting. The grown-upssent the children out to play so that the children wouldn’t be intheir hair while they were talking. Compare: GIVE A HARD TIME, INONE’S WAY. Contrast: ... Читать далее...
33. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы out of one’s hair[out of one’s hair] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Rid of as a nuisance;relieved of as an annoyance. Harry got the boys out of his hair sohe could study. Compare: OUT OF ONE’S WAY. Contrast: IN ONE’S HAIR....
35. Значение идиомы hair stand on end[hair stand on end] {informal} The hair of your head rises stifflyupwards as a sign or result of great fright or horror. When heheard the strange cry, his hair stood on end. The sight of thedead man made his hair stand on end. Compare: BLOOD RUN COLD, HEARTIN ONE’S MOUTH, HEART STAND STILL, JUMP OUT ... Читать далее...
36. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blondeThree women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: » OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.» She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says «It feels like ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы curl one’s hair[curl one’s hair] {v. phr.}, {slang} To shock; frighten; horrify; amaze. Wait till you read what it says about you — this’ll curl your hair. The movie about monsters from another planet curled his hair....
38. A blonde decides to try horseback ridingA blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, ... Читать далее...
39. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
40. Could you please passThe nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. «I demand proper manners in bed,» she declared, «just as I do at the dinner table.» Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. «Is that better?» ... Читать далее...