Make a last request

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1. Last Request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning […]...
2. Перевод слова request Request – запрос, заявка, просьба, требование Перевод слова To make a request – обратиться с просьбой to grant a request – удовлетворить просьбу samples sent on request – образцы высылаются по заявке She did it at my Request. Она сделала это по моей просьбе. I Requested a taxi for 8 o’clock. Я заказал такси на […]...
3. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap Sorry Texans…. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. “How do you know it’s one of our coyotes?” asked the Oklahoma game warden. “Well,” replied the Texas […]...
4. Having the equipment A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar […]...
5. Need fishing licenses A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden!! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the fella […]...
6. The last request Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. “What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady. “Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.” Replied Mary. “Well what is it, Mary?” “Well, my husband, passed away last night, […]...
7. Listening to Club Music Anastasia: This is the best Club in the city. Grace brought me here last month. You’re going to love it. Joshua: What?! Anastasia: You’re going to love this club. It has the best DJ in town. She Spins the best Mixes. Joshua: Did you say you’re going to get us some Mixed drinks? Anastasia: No, […]...
8. It’s not a dance Two prisoners were having a chat. The first one said. “I’ve go two tickets for the warden’s ball, Do you want to buy one?” “No thanks, mate,” said the second guy. “I can’t dance.” “It’s not a dance, mate,” said the first prisoner. “It’s a raffle!”...
9. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
10. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. “Would you […]...
11. A guy’s on the electric chair A guy’s on the electric chair. The warden’s just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, “Do you have any last requests?” The guy says, “(hic) Yeah… (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?”...
12. Перевод слова dance Dance – танцевать, танец Перевод слова To dance a waltz – танцевать вальс to dance in the air – кружиться в воздухе dance music – танцевальная музыка Shall we Dance? Потанцуем? Dance is an art. Танец – это вид искусства. They met at a Dance. Они познакомились на танцах. rel=”nofollow”>...
13. There was this fisherman that always had a good day fishing There was this fisherman that always had a good day fishing. His friend, the game warden, couldn’t figure out how he did it, so one day the game warden decided to go fishing with his friend. The fisherman took his friend the warden out to his favorite spot. Once there, the fisherman took a stick […]...
14. Describing One’s Taste in Music Arturo: What are you listening to? Ling: Some new music. You want to hear it? Arturo: All right. That’s pretty Mellow, kinda Bluesy, isn’t it? It’s got an interesting Indie feel. Ling: Do you like it? Arturo: It’s all right. I like more Funky, dance music myself, but this is okay. It’s not too Depressing. […]...
15. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants – one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, “Jim […]...
16. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
17. Music in Our Life Топик Музыка в нашей жизни рассказывает о том, как важна музыка. Музыка сопровождает нас с детства, и она повсюду: дома, в концертном зале, в парке, у моря, в лесу и даже на улице. Это искусство, которое отражает жизнь, ведь музыка отражает эмоции людей. Мы все имеем разное отношение к музыке: одни сочиняют музыку, другие ее […]...
18. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
19. For me life is a dance – Для меня жизнь это танец For me life is a dance. I cannot imagine myself without it. Every movement, swing, turn, makes the world brighter. I have been dancing since I was 5. And it is passion of my life. At first, I danced ballroom dancers. It is very beautiful and elegant. Dress, heels, hair — what could be more […]...
20. American University Grading Procedures Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: – All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: – Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books […]...
21. This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered […]...
22. You tell me! A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?” The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden […]...
23. PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being […]...
24. Перевод слова music Music – музыка Перевод слова Dance music – танцевальная музыка abilities for music – музыкальные способности to dedicate one’s life to music – посвятить свою жизнь музыке This Music really gets me. Мне так нравится эта музыка! The Music faded away. Музыка стихла. I really dig their Music. Я просто тащусь от их музыки. Примеры […]...
25. Excuse TO smoke Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.” She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.” He replied, “But […]...
26. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
27. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
28. Перевод слова final Final – завершающий, заключительный, конечный Перевод слова The final day of the term – последний день занятий the final chapter – заключительная глава this battle was final – эта битва оказалась решающей is that final? – это окончательно? He coasted through his Final exams. Он без труда сдал выпускные экзамены. You need to tackle the […]...
29. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
30. Very different children Two ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist. The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill […]...
31. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
32. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
33. This snow plow driver from North Dakota This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if […]...
34. Better than playing doctor Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, “You wanna play doctor?” Johnny replied, “NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president.”...
35. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
36. Constantly complaining A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth […]...
37. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
38. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
39. Students miss a final Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final […]...
40. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, “I did that by accident.” She replied, “I know that, daddy.” He replied, “How’d you know?” The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”...