Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit

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1. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
2. Visit the barber A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair. “I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” When the boy’s […]...
3. While attending a spelling session in school one day While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can” The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla…” Darla replies…”D-U-M-B” The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?” Darla replies, “Sure, […]...
4. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
5. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
6. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings […]...
7. Значение идиомы play ball [play ball] {v. phr.} 1. To begin play in a ball game. When theumpire calls “Play ball,” the game begins. 2. {informal} To join inan effort with others; cooperate. To get along during Prohibition, many men felt that they had to play ball with gangsters. A isoften good business to play ball with a political […]...
8. Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” “They’re mating, Lucy” he replied. “What do you call the spider on top Daddy?” Lucy asked. “Oh, that’s a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, “Oh, so one’s a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a […]...
9. Fucking onion – boy, I need some onion – sorry, mam, we don’t have onion at the moment – I don’t care, I need some onion – but mam, we don’t have onion in the market right now – you don’t understand me, I need some onion – well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters […]...
10. A small boy walks into his mothers room A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. “Mummy, mummy, what are these?” he says, pointing to her breasts. “Well, son,” she says, “these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.” Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two […]...
11. Children`s happiness – Детское счастье Childhood is the happiest time. We always remember our childhood as the happiest moments of our life. However, childhood made for us our parents. Each child dreams about happy family, about loving parents. And parents dream to do only the best for their babies, give them that they had not. Parents are the nearest people […]...
12. A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower. It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says….. “Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?” The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. […]...
13. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
14. Значение идиомы play the game [play the game] {v. phr.}, {informal} To obey the rules; do right;act fairly. “That’s not playing the game,” we told him when hewanted to desert his wife. “Oh, let’s play the game,” he said, when his partner suggested a way to keep from paying some of theirdebts. Your parents want you to play the game […]...
15. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
16. Winnie The???? “Winnie The????” It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she […]...
17. A little girl and a little boy were at day care A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.” “Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no […]...
18. Your father is drunk To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and […]...
19. Beautiful – in a sentence The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?” Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for […]...
20. Значение идиомы big daddy [big daddy] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} The most important, largest thing, person or animal in a congregation of similar persons, animals, or objects. The whale is the big daddy of everything that swims in the ocean. The H-bomb is the big daddy of all modern weapons. Al Capone was the big daddy of organized crime in […]...
21. Life as a thing Life is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very […]...
22. Перевод идиомы pay someone or something a visit / pay a visit to someone or something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: pay someone or something a visit / pay a visit to someone or something Перевод: навести визит кому-либо или чему-либо, посетить кого-либо или что-либо Пример: I paid the tax office a visit to try and resolve my tax problem. Я посетил налоговую службу, чтобы попытаться решить свои проблемы с налогами....
23. Перевод слова stupid Stupid – глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder – глупая ошибка stupid jackass – тупой осел plumb stupid – абсолютно тупой He understands – he’s not Stupid. Он понимает – он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми […]...
24. Посещение театра/ A Visit To The Theatre На английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Visit To The Theatre Посещение театра People live a busy life nowadays. They don’t have much free time for leisure activities, for visiting cinemas or theatres. However, it is always a good idea to see a new film or play. Such pastime carries us away from daily […]...
25. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
26. The little boy comes home from school and asks mom The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, “Where do babies come from?” Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, “From the stork of course!” The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, “But mom, who fucks the stork?”...
27. Значение идиомы game at which two can play [game at which two can play] {n. phr.} A plan, trick, or way ofacting that both sides may use. Rough football is a game two canplay. Politics is a game at which two can play....
28. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
29. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
30. Describing Touch and Textures Tommy: It’s Just our luck that there’s a major Power failure while we’re shopping in this outdoor Bazaar. Louisa: How are we going to find our way back to the hotel? Tommy: Follow me and stay close. I’ll Lead the way. Louisa: This road is so Rough. I keep Tripping over the stones. Ah! Tommy: […]...
31. Значение идиомы word [word] See: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, AS GOOD AS ONE’S WORD, BY WORD OF MOUTH, EAT ONE’S WORDS, FROM THE WORD “GO”, GET A WORD IN, GET THE MESSAGE or GET THE WORD, HANG ON THE WORDS OF, IN BRIEF or INA WORD, IN SO MANY WORDS, LAST WORD, MAN OF FEW WORDS, MAN […]...
32. One day the teacher decides to play an animal game One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a […]...
33. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
34. A Visit to the Theatre Топик Посещение театра познакомит вас с понятием “театр” и теми немногими правилами, которых придерживаются зрители при его посещении. Согласно крылатому выражению “Театр начинается с вешалки”, любой спектакль начинается с момента входа зрителей в здание театра – это очень интересно и увлекательно. We have a very beatiful theatre in our town. It is a modern building […]...
35. A visit to the sick friend – Визит к больному другу В топике Посещение больного друга – я делюсь своими мыслями, как важно быть здоровым, но иногда кто-то из друзей может и заболеть, например, гриппом или простудой. Болезнь можно вылечить таблетками, но моральная поддержка тоже помогает. В таких случаях не забывайте посетить своего друга, ведь ваше посещение его обрадует, придаст новые силы и он выздоровеет быстрее. […]...
36. ZHow offensive is that? How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle’s. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes […]...
37. Quotes from stupid 03 These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: “Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy.” Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: “There’s nothing athletes like – or indeed hate – more than hanging around like this.” – David Coleman, BBC 1 TV “Not being in […]...
38. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
39. A new way to loose weight A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the […]...
40. Daddy is going to war The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war. During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “No, […]...