Life is cruel

Related topics:

1. Marriage quotes 03 There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a […]...
2. For their 25th wedding anniversary For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have […]...
3. Перевод слова anniversary Anniversary – годовщина, юбилей Перевод слова Anniversary present – подарок к юбилею anniversary card – поздравление с юбилеем fifth anniversary – пятилетие She forgot all about their Anniversary. Она совсем забыла о своем юбилее. Her absentminded husband forgot their Anniversary. Ее рассеянный муж забыл об их годовщине....
4. Understanding Men and Women Lucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was […]...
5. Family Life – Семейная жизнь Family is very important for every person. It’s a special unit of society, which matters the most. The human nature has a need to always communicate, to have friends, partners and children, to share emotions and experience. So, loneliness is a bit unnatural for people. For this reasons everybody has a family. It isn’t surprising […]...
6. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, […]...
7. Groundhog Day “I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for […]...
8. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
9. Gift tombstones A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever” Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”...
10. A bored woman says to her husband A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, “Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.” The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, “An elephant”. The wife sez “That’s close enough!”...
11. Marriage quotes 04 A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist […]...
12. Nothing changed On the eve of the couple’s tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. “You know honey,” she said, “I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married.” “Yeah?” the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. “I wish to […]...
13. Marriage quotes 02 Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage […]...
14. Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
15. Marriage quotes 10 Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish […]...
16. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
17. Married life is very frustrating Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen....
18. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
19. Love Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for […]...
20. Crying about life Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. “Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then […]...
21. Merryied talk A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.” “Yeah,” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone reads: ‘Here Lies My Husband – […]...
22. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
23. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
24. Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
25. A kind of sport A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What the hell was that?” He replies, “Touchdown, I am […]...
26. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
27. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
28. What day is today Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a. m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of […]...
29. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...
30. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
31. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one […]...
32. A Mid-life Crisis Bella: I think my husband is going through a Mid-life crisis. Russell: What makes you think that? Bella: He just Traded in his car for a very expensive Sports car, and he’s filling the house with Gym equipment. Russell: Uh oh, that’s a bad Sign. Do you know what may have Triggered this? Bella: I’m […]...
33. Marriage quotes 01 Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence – a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s […]...
34. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
35. Uh-Oh!! The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had […]...
36. Значение идиомы silver anniversary [silver anniversary] or [wedding] {n. phr.} The twenty-fifthwedding anniversary of a couple; the twenty-fifth anniversary of abusiness or an association, etc. “The day after tomorrow is Mom andDad’s silver anniversary,” Sue said to her brother. “I hope you have anice present picked out.”...
37. Значение идиомы big as life [big as life] or [large as life] {adj. phr.} 1. or [life-size] The same size as the living person or thing. The statue of Jefferson was big as life. The characters on the screen were life-size. 2. or [big as life and twice as natural] {informal} In person; real and living. I had not seen […]...
38. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
39. A husband and wife are on a nudist beach A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the […]...
40. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...