Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s

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1. Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penisLorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. «Shit,» said the driver to his passenger. «What kind ... Читать далее...
2. Lunching with English friends at the time of her husbands reverementLunching with English friends at the time of her husbands reverement, Madame de Gaulle was asked what she was looking forward to in the years ahead. «A penis.» she replied without hesitation. The embarrassed silence that followed was broken by the former President. «My dear, I don’t think that the English pronounce the word like ... Читать далее...
3. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
4. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...
5. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doingAn Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, «Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.» The Mexican opened ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы hand in hand[hand in hand] {adv. phr.} 1. Holding hands. Bob and Mary walkedalong hand in hand in the park. Compare: ARM IN ARM. 2. Accompanyingeach other; together; closely connected. — Used with «go». Ignorance and poverty often go hand in hand. Selfishness andunhappiness often go hand in hand....
7. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы open up[open up] {v.} 1. To show for the first time; make clear; reveal. The story of Helen Keller’s life opened up a whole new world toMary. Einstein’s theories opened up a whole new area for study. 2. To make available; present an opportunity; offer. The buildingof the railroad opened up new lands to the pioneers. ... Читать далее...
9. Three altar boys are standing in the snow withThree altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, «Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.» The tallest altar boy turns around and ... Читать далее...
10. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова highwayHighway — шоссе, магистраль Перевод слова Highway engineer — дорожный инженер express highway — скоростная трасса limited-access highway — дорога с ограниченным проездом Cars whooshed along the Highway. Автомобили мчались вдоль шоссе. Тhe Highway was lined with signboards Шоссе было размечено дорожными знаками. The great sea on the west is the natural Highway of commerce. ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы throw out[throw out] or [toss out] {v.} 1. To put somewhere to be destroyedbecause not wanted. He didn’t need the brush anymore so he threw itout. Syn.: THROW AWAY. 2. To refuse to accept. The inspectortossed out all the parts that didn’t work. 3. To force to leave;dismiss. When the employees complained too loudly, the owner ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы hand[hand] See: AT HAND, BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH, BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ONE, CLEAN HANDS, DIRTY ONE’S HANDS, EAT OUTOF ONE’S HAND, FORCE ONE’S HAND, FREE HAND, FROM HAND TO HAND, GLADHAND, HAM-HANDED, HANG HEAVY or HANG HEAVY ON ONE’S HANDS, HAT INHAND, HAVE A HAND IN, HAVE ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова windowWindow — окно Перевод слова First-floor window — окно первого этажа half window — полуокно to jump out of a window — выпрыгивать из окна She opened a Window to let in some air. Она открыла окно, чтобы проветрить помещение. The Window banged shut Окно с грохотом закрылось. She stood by the Window. Она стояла ... Читать далее...
15. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
16. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы toss off[toss off] {v. phr.} 1. To drink rapidly; drain. He tossed offtwo drinks and left. 2. To make or say easily without trying orthinking hard. She tossed off smart remarks all during dinner. He thinks a reporter should be able to toss off an article every fewhours....
18. Confuse traffic signsA cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: «Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?» Sister: «Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.» Cop: «Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly ... Читать далее...
19. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
20. Who’s got a bigger crotch?There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch. The first women said, «My husband can get his whole hand up me». The second lady said, «My husband can get his whole head up me». The third lady slid down the bar stool....
21. Bad luck finding a place to hideA small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, «Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.» The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы leave holding the bag[leave holding the bag] or [leave holding the sack] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. To cause not to have something needed; leavewithout anything, In the rush for seats, Joe was left holding thebag. 2. To force to take the whole responsibility or blamefor something that others should share. When the ball hit theglass, the team scattered and ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы jump the gun[jump the gun] also [beat the gun] {v. phr.} 1. To start before thestarter’s gun in a race. The runners were called back because oneof them jumped the gun. 2. {informal} To start before you should;start before anyone else. The new students were not supposed tocome before noon, but one boy jumped the gun and ... Читать далее...
24. A man and his wifeFlorence Flask was… dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, «Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!» «Now, now, my dear,» replied her husband, «keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they’re mislead.» «No, I know they’re stolen,» cried Florence. «I remember putting them in my burette… We ... Читать далее...
25. Camel DiedCamel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun «I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and ... Читать далее...
26. Do this while drivingStrange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below «things to do while driving», as all driving should be taken seriously. The below «things to do while driving» are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы heads or tails[heads or tails] {n. phr.} The two sides of a coin, especially whenthe coin is tossed in the air in order to decide which of twoalternatives are to be followed. Tom tossed a quarter in the airand said, «Tails, I win; heads you win.»...
28. This pill allows you to flyA man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if ... Читать далее...
29. Like father like sonLittle Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother «Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.» «Johnny you ... Читать далее...
30. Mary was having an affair during the day whileMary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: «Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!» Ralph looked ... Читать далее...
31. Counting carsA blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway. The brunette keeps saying, «88, 88, 88…» The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past. «What are you doing?» «I’m counting cars,»comes the rely. «Want to help?» «Sure!» says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the ... Читать далее...
32. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel roomA man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an «escort» service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, «I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for ... Читать далее...
33. One day in class the teacherOne day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says «That’s a penis, and my father has two of them». The teacher looks surprised and ... Читать далее...
34. Rolls Royce vs. YugoA guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!» The driver of the Rolls looked over and ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы highway robbery[highway robbery] {n. phr.} 1. A hold-up of or theft from a personcommitted on an open road or street usually by an armed man. Highway robbery was common in England in Shakespeare’s day. 2. Anextremely high price or charge; a profiteer’s excessive charge. Tosomeone from a small town, the prices of meals and theater tickets ... Читать далее...
36. Giving Cats PillsINSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill ... Читать далее...
37. Jack goes to the doctor and saysJack goes to the doctor and says «Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?» After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, «Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы take aim[take aim] {v. phr.} To get ready to hit, throw at, or shoot at bysighting carefully. When the captain orders «Take aim,» raise yourgun to your shoulder and sight along the barrel at the target. Before the hunter could take aim, the deer jumped out of sight....
39. Humor about Irish Pubs(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. «Jazus Mick…Well have to turn ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова handHand — рука (кисть) Перевод слова The back of the hand — тыльная сторона руки the palm of the hand — ладонь with one’s bare hands — голыми руками He has a stiff Hand. У него рука онемела. Do you need a Hand? Вам помочь? (досл. Вам нужна рука. Как правило такой фразой предлагают физическую ... Читать далее...