John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling

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1. Marriage counselingA husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. «Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,» the husband explained. «She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.» He continued, «She communicates well and ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова counselingCounseling — обсуждение, наставление, консультация Перевод слова Legal counseling — юридическая консультация career counseling — собеседования по вопросам прохождения службы counseling interview — консультативное интервью; сеанс психоанализа She Counselled with her husband. Она посоветовалась с мужем. She is receiving Counseling to cope with the death of her husband. Она ходит на консультации, чтобы справиться со ... Читать далее...
3. A pastor in Maine skipped services one SundayA pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and ... Читать далее...
4. Marriage quotes 09Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriage ... Читать далее...
5. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little JohnnyOne Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said ... Читать далее...
6. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
7. Getting a Marriage LicenseYves: Help me fill out this Application for our Marriage license. Vanessa: Can’t you do it? I’m really busy with work right now. Do as much as you can and just ask me if you don’t know something. Yves: Okay, I’ll try, but I’m reading through the requirements, and it’s a good idea for both ... Читать далее...
8. Marriage quotes 08Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. — Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties ... Читать далее...
9. Marriage quotes 01Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence — a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s ... Читать далее...
10. Marriage quotes 13The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод идиомы pay someone or something a visit / pay a visit to someone or something, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: pay someone or something a visit / pay a visit to someone or something Перевод: навести визит кому-либо или чему-либо, посетить кого-либо или что-либо Пример: I paid the tax office a visit to try and resolve my tax problem. Я посетил налоговую службу, чтобы попытаться решить свои проблемы с налогами....
12. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова marriageMarriage — брак, супружество Перевод слова Marriage certificate — свидетельство о заключении брака marriage counsellor — консультант по брачно-семейным отношениям marriage deformed by jealousy — брак, испорченный ревностью He asked for her hand in Marriage. Он попросил ее руки. Their Marriage ended in divorce. Их брак закончился разводом. The priest blessed the Marriage. Священник благословил ... Читать далее...
14. Once when Mary was young her schoolOnce when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for them mary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume she went into the family room to show her family they were impressed. Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre, and your parrot on your shoulder, ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод идиомы John Henry / John Hancock, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: John Henry / John Hancock Перевод: собственноручная подпись Пример: Please sign your John Henry here and we will process your order right away. Пожалуйста, поставьте здесь свою подпись и мы сразу же обработаем ваш заказ....
16. Marriage quotes 07If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова visitVisit — посещение, визит, поездка Перевод слова Courtesy visit — визит вежливости goodwill visit — визит доброй воли a brief visit to Ireland — кратковременная поездка в Ирландию I’ll Visit him if I have time. Я навещу его, если у меня будет время. Did you ever Visit Paris? Вы когда-нибудь бывали в Париже? Be sure ... Читать далее...
18. Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horribleMary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she’d had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. «Well, what happened when you got there?» Jill asked «The bastard called me a slut!» Mary said. «And what did you do then?» Jill asked, shocked. «I told him to get the ... Читать далее...
19. Some very common traits in two drunksA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
20. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a barA man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. «Why of course,» comes the reply. The first man then asks: «Where are you from?» «I’m from Ireland,» replies the second man. The first man responds: «You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы Dear John letter[Dear John letter] {n. phr.} A note or a letter informing one that a romantic relationship or a marriage is over. Jane left a «Dear John letter» on the table and went home to live with her parents....
22. SufferingA young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, «My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.» The counselor turns to her husband and inquires «Is that true?» The husband replies «Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.»...
23. A man was leaving church one dayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, «You need to join the Army of the Lord!» The man replied, «I’m ... Читать далее...
24. Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit toBrenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, «My husband wants me to ask you…» «I know, I know.» the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, «I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late ... Читать далее...
25. Mary was having an affair during the day whileMary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: «Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!» Ralph looked ... Читать далее...
26. Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girlsMary came back from lunch to find that all the girls in the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down the girl on her right hissed, «Turn over, Mary — this ... Читать далее...
27. Marriage quotes 03There was a man who said, «I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!» Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a ... Читать далее...
28. Marriage quotes 02Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage ... Читать далее...
29. Биография Мэри Кассат на английском языке. Biography of Mary CassattMary Cassatt is the most popular women artist in the USA. She was born in 1845 in a town near Pittsburgh. She began her career at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts, where she studied from 1861 until 1864. She studied in Paris, too. Mary Cassatt began her career as a realistic painter. Later she ... Читать далее...
30. Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and saysMagnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, «My wife isn’t as much fun as she used to be.» The marriage counselor says, «Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?» Magnussen says, «As much as the next fellow.» The counselor says, «Maybe between you and the next fellow, she’s exhausted.»...
31. Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a sharkMary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, «Help me! Help me!» Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!...
32. Значение идиомы open marriage[open marriage] {n. phr.} An arrangement by mutual agreementbetween husband and wife whereby they are both allowed to haveextramarital affairs. Chances are the open marriage arrangementthey had didn’t work out too well so they are getting a divorce....
33. Значение идиомы flying visit[flying visit] {n. phr.} A visit of very short duration. Tomcame to New York for only a flying visit. We had hardly eaten lunchwhen he had to leave....
34. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
35. Marriage quotes 14This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that ... Читать далее...
36. John receives a phone callJohn receives a phone call. «Hello,» he answers. The voice on the ot other end says, «This is Susan. We met a party about 3 months ago.» John: «Hmm… Susan? about 3 months ago?» Susan: «Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got ... Читать далее...
37. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы John Hancock[John Hancock] or [John Henry] {n.}, {informal} Your signature;your name in writing. The man said, «Put your John Hancock on thispaper.» Joe felt proud when he put his John Henry on his veryfirst driver’s license....
39. Marriage quotes 12Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled ... Читать далее...
40. Marriage quotes 15All marriages are happy — it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me ... Читать далее...