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1. A man decided to have a face liftA man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, «I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think ... Читать далее...
2. Buying a Men’s SuitSales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me ... Читать далее...
3. The Presidential watchesA man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called «the George Bush Watch» and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says — «you are suppose to read his lips». He then looks at a watch called the «Ross Perot Watch» ... Читать далее...
4. A lying cheatDear Abby: My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers ... Читать далее...
5. A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he hasA man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, «I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?» Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, «Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types ... Читать далее...
6. Kiss meyeah!«Kiss me,» said the young lady urgently. «Please kiss me.» But the young man turned his head away, saying, «Of course not. How can I? I’m your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn’t even be lying here making love.»...
7. Sweet, Sweet Road RageAn elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, «I was going to park there!» The ... Читать далее...
8. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
9. Is It Worth Lying?There is hardly a person in the world who can say that he or she has never told a lie. Lying is quite natural and people often do it in case of emergency, intentionally or even without any reason. People are not born with a capacity to lie. They begin to do it at the ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы couch doctor[couch doctor] {n.}, {slang}, {colloquial} A psychoanalyst who puts his patients on a couch following the practice established by Sigmund Freud. I didn’t know your husband was a couch doctor, I thought he was a gynecologist!...
11. Перевод слова actressActress — актриса Перевод слова Movie actress — амер. киноактриса actress with great box office — актриса, чье участие дает полные сборы featured actress — известная актриса She flopped as a stage Actress. Она потерпела полное фиаско на актерском поприще. One Actress does not make a play. Одна актриса не делает пьесы. Происхождение слова actress ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы build up[build up] {v.} 1. To make out of separate pieces or layers; construct from parts. Johnny built up a fort out of large balls of snow. Lois built up a cake of three layers. 2. To cover over or fill up with buildings. The fields where Tom’s father played as a boy are all built ... Читать далее...
13. A wife went in to see a therapist and saidA wife went in to see a therapist and said, «I’ve got a big problem doctor» Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.» «MY dear,» the shrink said, «that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?» «The problem is,» she complained, «It wakes me up.»...
14. Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollarsWeill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill and ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы writer’s cramp[writer’s cramp] {n.} Pain in the fingers or hand caused by toomuch writing. Holding your pencil too tightly for too long oftengives you writer’s cramp. Often used humorously to stress the ideathat you have been doing a lot of writing. By the time Maryfinished her Christmas cards she complained of writer’s cramp....
16. Перевод слова shrinkShrink — сокращать, съежиться, давать усадку; уклоняться Перевод слова To shrink after laundering — садиться после стирки meat shrinks in cooking — мясо уваривается to shrink with cold — съежиться от холода my income has shrunk — мои доходы уменьшились to shrink away from responsibility — уклоняться от ответственности Meat Shrinks as it cooks. Мясо ... Читать далее...
17. The clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfumeThe clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfume. «This is called ‘Perhaps’,» said the sales clerk. «It’s $285 per ounce.» «Listen,» the man shot back, «for $285 an ounce, I don’t want something called ‘Perhaps’; I want something called… «You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some!!»...
18. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
19. It was the age when knighthood was in flowerIt was the age when knighthood was in flower. A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, «What are you doing?» The first one answered, «I’m making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!»...
20. Значение идиомы sales check[sales check] or [sales slip] {n.} A paper which the clerk givesthe person who bought something; a paper that shows what you bought ina store and how much you paid for it. Mrs. Smith checked the salesslip with what she bought. Mary brought the sales check when shereturned the dress so she could get her ... Читать далее...
21. Shoe shoppingA man walks into a shoe store… …and tries on a pair of shoes. «How do they feel?» asks the sales clerk. «Well… they feel a bit tight.» replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. «Try pulling the tongue out.» offers the clerk. ... Читать далее...
22. The wall clockOne day a wife complained, «This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.» The husband grunted and replied, «The darn clock always was slow.»...
23. Final wishIn a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, he went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) ... Читать далее...
24. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
25. Returning from her vacationReturning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two weeks leave in which to get married. «But you just had two weeks off,» said the boss. «Why didn’t you get married then?» «What and ruin my vacation?» she whined....
26. Значение идиомы worth one’s salt[worth one’s salt] {adj. phr.} Being a good worker, or a productiveperson; worth what you cost. Mr. Brown showed that he was worth hissalt as a salesman when he got the highest sales record for the year. — Often used with «not» or «hardly». When the basketball team didso poorly, people felt that the coach ... Читать далее...
27. The Plumber has arrivedA lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s ... Читать далее...
28. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
30. Get me something cheapAfter being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. «How about some perfume?» he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. «That’s a bit much,» said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. «Thats ... Читать далее...
31. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
32. In 3 Days Elon Musk’s Tesla Motors & SpaceX Went From Potential Bankruptcy to $1.8 Billion. Risk Is Worth ItElon Musk is the man behind some of the most innovative companies we know today: PayPal, Tesla, SpaceX, and Solar City. In a recent «60 Minutes» interview Musk gave great insight into his mindset and hardships. His story teaches us a lot about being willing to risk everything for something we believe in. Musk is ... Читать далее...
33. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
34. Great roofA rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall ... Читать далее...
35. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...
36. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова secretarySecretary — секретарь Перевод слова Press secretary — пресс-секретарь executive secretary — ответственный секретарь chartered secretary — управляющий делами They traced the leak to a Secretary. Они выяснили, что утечка информации шла от секретарши. We require our Secretary to be on time. Мы требуем от нашего секретаря чтобы он приходил во время. She is a ... Читать далее...
38. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
39. Перевод слова clerkClerk — клерк, администратор Перевод слова Bank clerk — банковский служащий correspondence clerk — корреспондент telegraph clerk — телеграфист He Clerks in a supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. The Clerk recorded their names in the register. Клерк записал их имена в реестр. The Clerk was well bounced for his carelessness. За халатность клерку сурово ... Читать далее...
40. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...