Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cats Urine

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1. I’ve never understood why women love catsI’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, ... Читать далее...
2. There were two cats that enjoyed running togetherThere were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three. The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could. Which cat drowned? Un-deux-trois cat sank (un ... Читать далее...
3. Fox urine spray thwarts tree theftsWhat can run a feral, East Campus cat off a liver truck and save a few trees in the process? Fox urine sprayed on pine and spruce trees might not make much sense to some people who know the beauty of East Campus’ Arboretum. But to the landscaping staff at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, it’s ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы holy cats[holy cats] or [holy cow] or [holy mackerel] or [holy Moses]{interj.}, {informal} — Used to express strong feeling ; used in speech or when writingconversation. «Holy cats! That’s good pie!» said Dick. «Holycow! They can’t do that!» Mary said when she saw the boys hurting amuch smaller boy....
5. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs[rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, «It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.»...
6. Перевод идиомы rain cats and dogs, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: rain cats and dogs Перевод: льет, как из ведра (о дожде) Пример: It has been raining cats and dogs all morning. Все утро дождь льет, как из ведра....
7. Перевод слова dumbDumb — немой, бессловесный, глупый Перевод слова Dumb crambo — шарада-пантомима deaf and dumb from birth — глухонемой от рождения dumb brutes — бессловесные твари dumb bunny — глупец, дурак He’s kinda Dumb, isn’t he? Он отчасти глуповат, не так ли? What a Dumb question. Что за тупой вопрос. I was struck Dumb with astonishment ... Читать далее...
8. Allergic to CatsWhen I was little, we had a family pet. His name was Jupiter and he was a Kitten. I wanted a cat more than anything else and finally, my parents Gave in and said that we could have one. We went to the Pound and saw dozens of cats of different Breeds. We went from ... Читать далее...
9. This is what should happen to ALL CATS!This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the ... Читать далее...
10. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATSTHE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with ... Читать далее...
11. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова possessionPossession — владение, обладание, имущество Перевод слова Action for possession — иск о владении his personal possessions — его личная собственность come into possession — вступать во владение That information is not in our Possession. Мы не обладаем подобной информацией. Prisoners were allowed no personal Possessions. Заключенным не позволялось иметь никаких личных вещей. He was ... Читать далее...
13. Giving Cats PillsINSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill ... Читать далее...
14. While attending a spelling session in school one dayWhile attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says «I can, I can» The teacher replies, «OK, go ahead Darla…» Darla replies…»D-U-M-B» The teacher replies, «very good», and «can you use that word in a sentence?» Darla replies, «Sure, ... Читать далее...
15. Getting Directions and Parking InstructionsReceptionist: So the meeting is set for 2:00 on Thursday. Do you know how to get to our offices? Asha: No, I don’t. Could you give me Directions? Receptionist: Certainly. We’re located on Main Street. The Cross street is Udall. If you’re taking the freeway, the best Exit to take is Udall East. Once you’re ... Читать далее...
16. The reason for runningA police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, «It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give ... Читать далее...
17. Women’s instructionsWOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So ... Читать далее...
18. Chemist’s last wordsThe last words of a chemist: 1. And now the tasting test. 2. May that become hot? 3. And now a little bit from this… 4. … and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was ... Читать далее...
19. Work EnvironmentWork Environment: (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME...
20. Перевод слова thirtyThirty — тридцать, тридцатый Перевод слова He is thirty — ему тридцать лет chapter thirty — тридцатая глава about thirty guests — около тридцати гостей She is on the sunny side of Thirty. Ей еще нет тридцати. He had sported away Thirty thousand lives. Он просто так отправил на смерть тридцать тысяч людей. These Thirty ... Читать далее...
21. A guy steps into an elevator andA guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, «Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.» ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова take stepsTake steps — принимать меры, предпринимать шаги Перевод слова To take step forward — сделать шаг вперед take necessary steps — принять необходимые меры take reasonable steps — предпринять разумные шаги She Took a step toward the door. Она сделала шаг к двери. The police Took steps to reduce crime. Полиция приняла меры для снижения ... Читать далее...
23. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
24. Q & A Iraqi War JokesQ: What’s the national bird of Iraq? A: DUCK! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Q: What’s the fastest way to ... Читать далее...
25. Found: An Intricate 17th-Century Map, Stuffed Into a ChimneyConservators were able to save parts of the map. Towards the end of the 1600s, when the map was made, it would have been a prized possession. Seven feet by five feet, backed by canvas, it showed the whole world, with views of magnificent cities running along its sides. It would have been expensive and ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова treatTreat — угощать, лечить; удовольствие, наслаждение; обращаться, относиться Перевод слова A treat in store — предстоящее удовольствие don’t treat me as a child — не обращайтесь со мной как с ребенком to treat a patient — лечить больного She Treated me to tea. Она угостила меня чаем. She Treats me like one of the family. ... Читать далее...
27. Why you should learn to use algebraAfter applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success. Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time. So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we ... Читать далее...
28. Asking for and Giving InstructionsThe supervisor at my work asked me the other day to Help out one of the new employees. She needs some basic Orientation on how to Login to our network. So I made an appointment with her to come to my Cubicle for a little training session. Jeff: Hi, Lucy, how are you Settling in? ... Читать далее...
29. Parking InstructionsI arrived for my meeting at the headquarters of Woon Enterprises and I stopped at the Kiosk to ask for directions. It’s a huge organization and the offices are located on a 30-acre Compound, so it’s very hard To find your way around Without some help. Guard: Good morning. Edyta: Good morning. I’m here for ... Читать далее...
30. Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: «Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.» «Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.» ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы word for word[word for word] {adv. phr.} In exactly the same words. Marycopied Sally’s composition word for word. Joan repeated theconversation word for word. She learned the poem many years agobut she recited it word for word....
32. Значение идиомы come into[come into] {v.} To receive, especially after another’s death; get possession of. He came into a lot of money when his father died. He came into possession of the farm after his uncle died....
33. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sittingAn Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no ... Читать далее...
34. One day Pete was complaining to his friendOne day Pete was complaining to his friend «my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor». His friend said «Don’t do that. There’s a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It’s quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem ... Читать далее...
35. Very depressed manThere’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, «Come on man, I ... Читать далее...
36. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
37. A HeroA large crowd had formed at the Pearly Gates, when Saint Peter came out with an announcement. «Because Heaven has become overcrowded, we can only let heroes in today. Is anyone here a hero?» One small man raised his hand. «I am,» he said. «What did you do that was heroic?» asked Saint Peter skeptically. ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы word[word] See: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, AS GOOD AS ONE’S WORD, BY WORD OF MOUTH, EAT ONE’S WORDS, FROM THE WORD «GO», GET A WORD IN, GET THE MESSAGE or GET THE WORD, HANG ON THE WORDS OF, IN BRIEF or INA WORD, IN SO MANY WORDS, LAST WORD, MAN OF FEW WORDS, MAN ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод сленгового выражения dumb bunny, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: dumb bunny Перевод: простофиля; глуповатый человек Пример: He really is a dumb bunny. I can’t believe that he can do such stupid things. Он действительно простофиля. Не могу поверить, что он совершает такие глупые поступки....
40. Значение идиомы handle with gloves[handle with gloves] or [handle with kid gloves] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. To treat very gently and carefully. An atomic bomb ishandled with kid gloves. 2. To treat with great tact and diplomacy. Aunt Jane is so irritable that we have to treat her with kid gloves....