In the land of Oz

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1. THE LAND OF OZ Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize they’re in the land of OZ. Naturally, […]...
2. WWE SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA® TO GRANT HIS 500TH WISH For 8-year-old Rocco from New York, his wish to meet WWE Superstar John Cena has helped keep him positive and strong during his battle against leukemia. Rocco likes John Cena’s “Never Give Up” motto and how he always wants to help people. This month, Rocco’s wish will come true, and he is excited to have […]...
3. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip – a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. “I’d salute […]...
4. Перевод слова land Land – земля, суша, территория, почва; выгружать Перевод слова Land plants – наземные растения to visit distant lands – побывать в дальних странах stony land – каменистая почва to land troops in France – высадить войска во Франции His Land joins mine. Его земли граничат с моими. He forswore the Land. Он поклялся никогда больше […]...
5. Значение идиомы lay of the land [lay of the land] also [how the land lies] {n. phr.} 1. The naturalfeatures of a piece of land, such as hills and valleys. The styleof house the contractor builds depends partly on the lay of the land. 2. The way something is arranged; the important facts about something;how things are. The banker wanted to […]...
6. News from Washington WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. “We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and […]...
7. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, “Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!”. She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks […]...
8. Made in Canada President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” […]...
9. Candidate Clinton vs President Clinton Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the […]...
10. Значение идиомы land on one’s feet [land on one’s feet] also [land on both feet] {v. phr.}, {informal}To get yourself out of trouble without damage or injury and sometimeswith a gain; be successful no matter what happens. No matter whattrouble he gets into, he always seems to land on his feet. Marylost her first job because she was always late to […]...
11. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
12. Значение идиомы see how the land lies [see how the land lies] {v. phr.}, {informal} To reconnoiter;investigate. Before going there in person to ask for a job, you hadbetter see how the land lies and who does what. Compare: CASE THEJOINT....
13. Значение идиомы land-office business [land-office business] {n.}, {informal} A great rush of business. It was a hot day, and the drive-ins were doing a land-office businessin ice cream and cold drinks....
14. Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was […]...
15. Перевод сленгового выражения la la land, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: la la land Перевод: ненастоящее, несуществующее место; страна грез Пример: Most celebrities live in a la la land of luxury hotels, expensive cars and exotic travel. Большинство знаменитостей живут в вымышленном мире шикарных гостиниц, дорогих авто и экзотических путешествий. Going to school is fun, but eventually you have to leave the la la […]...
16. How to the nearest land!? The ship is sinking. Panic, screams and confusion. One of the passengers turns to the captain: – How to the nearest land!? – Two miles. – And in what direction to swim!? – Down.....
17. A horrible curse An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a “Curse” he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says “maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation […]...
18. A letter to John Hinkley Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D. C. Dear John, Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is […]...
19. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
20. Clinton is in Heaven President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton”. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit […]...
21. In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: “All the President’s Women.”...
22. The cost of a brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. “How much does it cost for engineer brain?” “Three dollars an […]...
23. When white man found this land, Indians were running it When white man found this land, Indians were running it. There were: – No Taxes – No Debt – Plenty buffalo – Plenty beaver – Medicine man free – Women did all the work – Men hunted and fished all the time The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that […]...
24. It was a somber day in Disney land It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. The judge was about to make his decision he said ‘Im sorry mickey, I cant grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth” Mickey retorted ” I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID […]...
25. Перевод слова brain Brain – мозг Перевод слова Brain damage – повреждение мозга brain disorder – расстройство умственной деятельности engineering brain – технический склад ума My Brain was in a buzz. Мои мозги гудели. I am not a Brain as you well know. Как ты знаешь, я не слишком способный. Alcohol fogs his Brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги....
26. Acronyms for Clinton Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly […]...
27. The Hillary’s room President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary’s room. She complains that it’s the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President–I’ll remove the mirrors right away....
28. A large difference A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out […]...
29. Purchasing new brains A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate. […]...
30. Scotland: The Land Of Legends Топик Шотландия – страна легенд – рассказывает о прекрасной стране с разнообразным и красивым ландшафтом, красивейшими озерами и средневековыми замками. Самая распространенная и популярная современная легенда этой страны – легенда о Лох-Несском чудовище, но пока ученые не смогли опровергнуть или подтвердить существование этого монстра. Сейчас в Шотландии существует около 300 различных кланов, и представители разных […]...
31. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied […]...
32. Uzbekistan Is The Land Of Ancient Culture Топик Узбекистан – земля древней культуры, расскажет о древних городах: Ташкенте, Бухаре, Хиве и Самарканде, которые стремятся посетить туристы из многих стран мира. Например, в Бухаре до нашего времени сохранились многие старинные мечети, медресе и мавзолеи. А древняя Хива в 17-ом веке была столицей Хивинского ханства. Сейчас под защитой государства находятся почти все памятники искусства, […]...
33. Helping this country One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the […]...
34. Ghosts in a White House One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, […]...
35. Clinton country A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, “There’s a horses ass” A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said […]...
36. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
37. Here is a free puppy The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, “Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.” The little girl says, “Thank you, Mr. Clinton. […]...
38. Australia – the land of blue mountains Топик Австралия – земля голубых гор знакомит вас с государством в Южном полушарии, занимающим материк Австралия, остров Тасмания и несколько других островов Индийского и Тихого океанов. Это шестое государство по площади в мире. Из топика вы узнаете о красоте острова Тасмания, о “красном сердце” Австралии и горах, поросших голубыми эвкалиптами. Интересны истории городов Сидней, Канберра […]...
39. Costa Rica’s “Land Of The Strays” Is Pretty Much Paradise For Dog Lovers Imagine a place where the sun shines year-round, the average annual temperature is 73°, and more than 900 dogs with breed names like “Chubby-Tailed German Dobernauzer” and “Fire-Tailed Border Cocker” roam free across the lush landscape. Sound like Heaven? Well believe it or not, it exists right here on earth! Territorio de Zaguates, or “Land […]...
40. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...