In the land of Oz

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1. THE LAND OF OZDan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize they’re in the land of OZ. Naturally, ... Читать далее...
2. News from WashingtonWASHINGTON, DC — Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. «We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and ... Читать далее...
3. Launch the missilesIt’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United ... Читать далее...
4. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
5. Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
6. Congress of the USA – Конгресс СШАThe legislative branch of national government consists of two houses — the Senate and the House of Representatives — each with a different role, different powers, and a different electoral procedure. The House of Representatives is the institution of the federal government. The states are divided into congressional districts or constituencies of roughly equal size ... Читать далее...
7. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова speakerSpeaker — выступающий, докладчик, спикер Перевод слова Fluent speaker — хорошо, свободно, связно говорящий effective speaker — хороший оратор guest speaker — приглашенный лектор Speaker of the House of Representatives — спикер палаты представителей I disagree with the last Speaker. Я не согласен с предыдущим оратором. The Speaker had a very high voice. У докладчика ... Читать далее...
9. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
10. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
11. The Hillary’s roomPresident Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary’s room. She complains that it’s the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President—I’ll remove the mirrors right away....
12. How to Hunt Elephants — VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
13. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
14. A horrible curseAn old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a «Curse» he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says «maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.» The old man says without hesitation ... Читать далее...
15. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
16. Helping this countryOne night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the ... Читать далее...
17. Ghosts in a White HouseOne night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» Clinton asked. «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. «Tom, ... Читать далее...
18. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
19. In light of the latest allegations against President ClintonIn light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: «All the President’s Women.»...
20. Save the countryA woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, «I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could «I» possibly do to save the country?» Mrs. Clinton: «Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit…»...
21. The US CongressThe Congress of the United States is composed of two houses: the Senate and the House of Representatives. The Senate represents the states. Each state is granted at least one representative in the House. The remainder are apportioned among the states according to their population. The Senate of US is composed of one hundred members ... Читать далее...
22. Acronyms for ClintonClinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly ... Читать далее...
23. Describing Winds and StormsAli: It’s just our luck that as soon as we arrive here for our Island vacation, there’s a Hurricane warning! Mariela: It’s Uncanny, isn’t it? On last year’s vacation, we Crossed paths with a Tornado and now this. Ali: Yeah, that tornado was something. I had experienced Windstorms before with really strong Gusts of wind, ... Читать далее...
24. The US Political SystemThe USA is a presidential republic. The legislative power of the USA is vested in the Congress of the USA. The Congress was created by Article I of the Constitution, adopted in 1787. It consists of two chambers — the Senate and the House of Representatives. The Senate is made up of 100 members (2 ... Читать далее...
25. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. — Oct. 23, 1997 — In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. «It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth», said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, ... Читать далее...
26. The Political System of the USAWashington, the capital of the United States, is situated on the Potomac River in the District of Columbia. The district is a piece of land which doesn’t belong to any state but to all the states. Under the Constitution, the federal government is divided into three branches. The legislative power is vested in Congress and ... Читать далее...
27. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President ClintonJerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова viceVice — порок, зло, недостаток, дефект; заместитель Перевод слова Sunk in vice — погрязший в пороке vices of drawing — ошибки в рисунке vice chairman — вице-председатель He sank into Vice. Он погряз в пороке. Eating too much is my Vice. Обжорство — мой порок. He was nominated as Vice chairman. Он был назначен на ... Читать далее...
29. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
30. Clinton countryA guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, «There’s a horses ass» A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said ... Читать далее...
31. The Higher Organs of Power in the USABy the US Constitution the government of the nation is entrusted to three separate authorities: the Executive, the Legislative and the Judicial. The executive power is vested in the President, who holds his office during the term of four years, and is elected together with the Vice-President. Among the duties and powers of the President ... Читать далее...
32. Here is a free puppyThe President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, «Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.» The little girl says, «Thank you, Mr. Clinton. ... Читать далее...
33. A tourist from the United States of AmericaA tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, «Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D. C. ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод идиомы wait in the wings, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: wait in the wings Перевод: ждать своего часа, быть наготове Пример: The vice-president was waiting in the wings to help the president. Вице президент был готов помочь, если президенту понадобится помощь....
35. Clinton is vacationingLast summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы instead of[instead of] or [in place of] also {formal} [in lieu of] {prep.} Inthe place of; in substitution for; in preference to; rather than. Iwore mittens instead of gloves. The grown-ups had coffee but thechildren wanted milk in place of coffee. The boys went fishinginstead of going to school. The Vice-President talked at themeeting in place ... Читать далее...
37. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
38. How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And the darkness was upon the face of the Workers And the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying «It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.» And the Workers went unto ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы lay of the land[lay of the land] also [how the land lies] {n. phr.} 1. The naturalfeatures of a piece of land, such as hills and valleys. The styleof house the contractor builds depends partly on the lay of the land. 2. The way something is arranged; the important facts about something;how things are. The banker wanted to ... Читать далее...
40. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...