Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven

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1. Fidel dies and goes to heaven Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself […]...
2. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: “You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in […]...
3. Henry Ford Топик Генри Форд рассказывает об американском промышленнике, владельце заводов по производству автомобилей по всему миру, изобретателе и авторе 161-го патента США. Его лозунгом были слова: “Автомобиль – для всех”, и завод Форда выпускал наиболее дешевые автомобили в начале эпохи автомобилестроения. Форд известен тем, что впервые стал использовать промышленный конвейер для поточного производства автомобилей. Генри Форд […]...
4. This fellow dies and goes to heaven This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: “Why are girls so pretty?” God: “So you’ll like them.” Guy: “Why are girls soft?” God: “So you’ll like them.” Guy: “Why are girls so dumb?” God: “So they’ll like you.”...
5. The scene is a dark jungle in Africa The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, alright!” The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. […]...
6. Перевод сленгового выражения stink to high heaven, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: stink to high heaven Перевод: быть отвратительным или быть очень низкого качества Пример: That barnyard stinks to high heaven. Этот скотный двор воняет на несколько километров. Most Sylvester Stallone movies stink to high heaven – they’re just terrible! Большинство фильмов Сильвестра Сталлоне очень низкого качества – они просто ужасные!...
7. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
8. Перевод слова heaven Heaven – небеса, небо; царство небесное, рай Перевод слова The broad expanse of heaven – широкий свод небес a map of the heavens – карта звездного неба the kingdom of heaven – царство небесное The windows of Heaven opened. Разверзлись хляби небесные. Earth’s loveliness or Heaven’s sublimity. Красота земли или величавость небес. I would move […]...
9. Hillary goes to heaven Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” So Hillary sits down […]...
10. Policemen in Heaven St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, […]...
11. Pick Heaven or Hell One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have […]...
12. How Much Money Did Harrison Ford Make for Star Wars? Harrison Ford made $20 million for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Ford earned $500,000 for Return of the Jedi, $100,000 for Empire and only $10,000 for the original Star Wars in 1977. Ford also has a reported deal with Disney to make.5% of the earnings from Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Ford’s total take from […]...
13. Baseball in Heaven Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come […]...
14. Значение идиомы seventh heaven [seventh heaven] {n. phr.}, {literary} The pinnacle of happiness. We were in seventh heaven when the helicopter flew us over themagnificent Grand Canyon....
15. Значение идиомы move heaven and earth [move heaven and earth] {v. phr.} To try every way; do everythingyou can. Joe moved heaven and earth to be sent to Washington. Compare: LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED....
16. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I […]...
17. O’Henry Топик О’Генри (Сидни Портер) описывает жизнь и творчество великого американского писателя, родившегося в 1862 году. Это был “король короткого рассказа”. Он писал все: рассказы, анекдоты, истории, приключения, сказки и очерки. Их легко читать и почти во всех – самый неожиданный конец, чем и славился О’Генри. O’Henry’s real name was William Sydney Porter. He was born […]...
18. The Road to Heaven A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to […]...
19. Перевод идиомы seventh heaven, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: seventh heaven Перевод: седьмое небо; состояние сильного восхищения, удовольствия, наслаждения, и т. п. Пример: The girl has been in seventh heaven since she got the music award. Эта девушка на седьмом небе от счастья с тех пор, как получила музыкальную премию....
20. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
21. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, “You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.” Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, I spent […]...
22. Перевод идиомы John Henry / John Hancock, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: John Henry / John Hancock Перевод: собственноручная подпись Пример: Please sign your John Henry here and we will process your order right away. Пожалуйста, поставьте здесь свою подпись и мы сразу же обработаем ваш заказ....
23. Entering into Heaven A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Baptist.” “Go to room 18, but be very quiet […]...
24. Hope never dies A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he’s driving at 65 mph, the […]...
25. Twenty men die and go to heaven Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first […]...
26. Gerald Rudolph Ford Gerald Rudolph Ford, Jr. (born July 14, 1913) (born Leslie Lynch King, Jr., renamed after adoption) was the fortieth (1973–1974) Vice President and the thirty-eighth (1974–1977) President of the United States. He remains the only individual to serve as President without ever having been elected to either the presidency or vice presidency. Instead, following the […]...
27. Pope Dies Pope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon […]...
28. Перевод слова invention Invention – изобретение, вымысел Перевод слова The invention of the telephone – изобретение телефона his story is pure invention – его рассказ – сплошной вымысел failure to work an invention – неиспользование изобретения The Invention is a great labour-saver. Это изобретение в значительной степени экономит затрачиваемый труд. Necessity is the mother of Invention. Голь на […]...
29. Marrying and divorcing in Heaven It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. […]...
30. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...
31. Get money to heaven A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to […]...
32. A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three […]...
33. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
34. The invention of the Computer В небольшом топике Изобретение компьютера рассказывается о том, что первый проект был разработан уже в середине 1830-х годов, но только более чем через столетие компьютер вошел в нашу жизнь. Сейчас трудно представить, как мы обходились без ПК, планшетов, интернета и электронной почты. Personal computers are now commonplace in most homes throughout the world, and are […]...
35. Значение идиомы bring up the rear [bring up the rear] {v. phr.} 1. To come last in a march, parade, or procession; end a line. The fire truck with Santa on it brought up the rear of the Christmas parade. The governor and his staff brought up the rear of the parade. 2. {informal} To do least well; do the most […]...
36. O’Henry – О’Генри O’Henry O’Henry is a famous American short-story writer, a master of surprise endings of the stories. He wrote about the life of ordinary people in New York City. Typical for O’Henry’s stories is a twist of plot which turns on an ironic or coincidental circumstance. William Sidney Porter (O’Henry) was born in Greenboro, North Carolina. […]...
37. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
38. Значение идиомы high [high] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, FLYING HIGH, GO THROUGH HELLAND HIGH WATER, HELL AND HIGH WATER, HIT THE HIGH SPOTS, LIVE HIGH OFFTHE HOG or EAT HIGH ON THE HOG, OFF ONE’S HIGH HORSE, ON TOP OF THEWORLD or SITTING ON TOP OF THE WORLD also SITTING ON HIGHCOTTON, RIDING HIGH....
39. Значение идиомы head-on [head-on] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. With the head or front pointingat; with the front facing; front end to front end. Our car skiddedinto a head-on crash with the truck. In the fog the boat ranhead-on into a log. There is a head-on view of the parade from ourhouse. Compare: FACE-TO-FACE. Contrast: REAR-END. 2. In […]...
40. Перевод слова rear Rear – воспитывать, растить, выращивать Перевод слова To rear poultry – заниматься птицеводством to rear a child – растить ребенка the hen rears her brood – наседка водит свой выводок It’s a good place to Rear young children. Это хорошее место для того чтобы растить маленьких детей. Most farmers in the area Rear sheep. Большинство […]...