Heated passions

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1. Incredible golf ballA golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, «Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!» The golfer, annoyed, says, «What is it?» «It’s a special golf ball,» says the salesman. «You can never lose ... Читать далее...
2. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heavenWhen the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. «Sorry, old man,» Peter said, «But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.» «Oh, yes. I’ll never ... Читать далее...
3. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf proOnce the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. «But,» said the duffer, «since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.» The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with ... Читать далее...
4. A man was playing a game of golfA man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says «thank ... Читать далее...
5. Definite laws of golfLAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed ... Читать далее...
6. I just did all of thatAfter a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, «Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?» «Yes,» the golfer responded. «Did you ... Читать далее...
7. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
8. JOHN F. KENNEDY: The Swingingest President EverJ. F. K., a gifted golfer, didn’t want to be photographed on the links. He was afraid of inheriting Eisenhower’s image, as a man putting his way through is presidency. An aficionado of Ian Fleming’s spy novels, John F. Kennedy relished keeping secrets almost as much as he enjoyed hearing them. One of Kennedy’s most ... Читать далее...
9. Buying some golf ballsA blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. «I can’t find any green golf balls,» the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are ... Читать далее...
10. GolfA golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from ... Читать далее...
11. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
12. A golfer hit his drive on the first holeA golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back ... Читать далее...
13. The ReverendFrancis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, ... Читать далее...
14. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golfA fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, ... Читать далее...
15. Working on the roadA fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова golfGolf — гольф Перевод слова Round of golf — партия гольфа golf match — матч по гольфу devotion to golf — увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. ... Читать далее...
17. Golf in the BedroomGolf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment — normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы sand trap[sand trap] {n.} A low place on a golf course that is filled withsand to stop the ball. The golfer lost four strokes trying to getthe ball out of the sand trap....
19. Значение идиомы tee off[tee off] {v.} 1. To hit the golf ball from a small wooden peg ortee to begin play for each hole. We got to the golf course just intime to see the champion tee off. 2. {slang} To hit a ball, especially a baseball very hard or far. He teed off on the firstpitch. 3. ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы hole in one[hole in one] {n. phr.} A shot in golf that is hit from the tee andgoes right into the cup. Many golfers play for years before theyget a hole in one....
21. Значение идиомы hole out[hole out] {v.} To finish play in golf by hitting the ball into thecup. The other players waited for Palmer to hole out before theyputted....
22. A horse and a rabbitA horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes ... Читать далее...
23. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadowA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s ... Читать далее...
24. Nothing but the truthA married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p. m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы pick a hole in[pick a hole in] or [pick holes in] {v. phr.}, {informal} To find amistake in or things wrong with; criticize; blame. The witness saidhe had been walking in the moonlight last Sunday, but the lawyerpicked a hole in what he said by proving that there was no moon andthat it rained Sunday night. Mary is ... Читать далее...
26. A small misunderstandingA lady golfer is stung by a wasp. She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him. «I’ve been stung by a wasp» She says. » Where did it get you?» He replies «Between the 1st and 2nd hole» «I think your stance must be a little too wide»...
27. Значение идиомы square peg in a round hole[square peg in a round hole] {n.}, {informal} A person who does notfit into a job or position; someone who does not belong where he is. Arthur is a square peg in a round hole when he is playing ball. George likes to work with his hands. When it comes to books, he’s asquare peg ... Читать далее...
28. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
29. Humor about the Stupid IrishHiggins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When ... Читать далее...
30. Dietary Restrictions and PreferencesTony: Who did you Invite over for dinner Saturday? Carmela: I invited Keith, Sung, Stephanie, and Luis. Tony: You didn’t! Carmela: I did. Why? Tony: You’re going to have a hard time cooking for them. Keith is a Vegan and only eats food that’s Organic. Sung is Lactose intolerant and his doctor put him on ... Читать далее...
31. NoticeTo make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It ... Читать далее...
32. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «The bottom line»Keith Кит Your division is doing very well. У вашей группы все очень хорошо получается. Chris Крис Thank you. We all pitch in around here to do our best. Спасибо. Мы все здесь стараемся, как можем. Keith Кит Yes, but The bottom line is that if we want to make more money, you’ll have to ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы in the hole[in the hole] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1a. Having a scorelower than zero in a game, especially a card game; to a score belowzero. John went three points in the hole on the first hand of thecard game. 1b. Behind an opponent; in difficulty in a sport or game. We had their pitcher in ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова SundaySunday — Воскресенье Перевод слова To stay over until Sunday — остаться до воскресенья of a Sunday — по воскресеньям Sunday school — воскресная школа We like to walk every Sunday. Нам нравится гулять каждое воскресенье. My birthday falls on Sunday. Мой день рождения попадает на воскресенье. Brian had an MRI taken Sunday. Брайану сделали ... Читать далее...
35. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...
36. How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole. $ $Sent by Ediie...
37. Four married guys go golfingFour married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: «You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: «That’s nothing, ... Читать далее...
38. GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
39. Technology problemsOne of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly ... Читать далее...
40. Latex factoryA guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud «hiss-pop» noise. «The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,» explains the guide. «The popping sound is the needle poking ... Читать далее...