Good fortune

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1. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]...
2. Jump out of the plane An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one […]...
3. Значение идиомы pick a the lock Pick a The lock [pick a The lock] {v. phr.} To burglarize; open illegally; open alock without the regular key. The robber got into the house bypicking the lock....
4. A fortune teller A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. “Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.” “That’s what you think,” said the […]...
5. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
6. Значение идиомы run a risk [run a risk] or [take a risk] {v. phr.} To be open to danger orloss; put yourself in danger; be unprotected. A baseball umpirewears a mask and chest protector so he won’t run the risk of being hitby the ball. Billy takes a risk of being hit by a car when he runsinto the street […]...
7. A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA,” he snorted, “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. “There! I […]...
8. Hair on my chest A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, “There! I […]...
9. Перевод слова lock Lock – замок, запирать, блокировать Перевод слова To lock the door – запереть дверь double lock – двойной замок safety lock – предохранитель, замок с секретом Did you Lock the car? Ты закрыл машину? The Lock did not give. Замок не поддавался. The key fits the Lock. Ключ точно подходит к замку....
10. African roulette A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. “The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.” The American […]...
11. Bass Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one – but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does […]...
12. A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, “If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he’s the one who shot it. Otherwise, he’ll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it.” The guy goes […]...
13. Persistency Act A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a […]...
14. Перевод слова pile Pile – куча; свая, столб Перевод слова Bridge pile – свая моста built on piles – построенный на сваях pile of stones – груда камней pile of logs – штабель бревен A Pile of sandbags held the bridge. Груда мешков с песком поддерживала мост. Scrape the dead leaves together into a Pile. Соберите сухие листья […]...
15. Перевод слова chest Chest – грудная клетка, ящик, коробка Перевод слова Medicine chest – домашняя аптечка weak chest – слабые легкие chest case – раненный в грудь He was shot in the Chest. Его уложили выстрелом в грудь. He has a broad Chest. У него широкая грудная клетка. The Chest was bagged up with money. Сундук только что […]...
16. Значение идиомы ball [ball] See: BASE ON BALLS, CARRY THE BALL, FLY BALL, FOUL BALL, GET THE BALL ROLLING, SET THE BALL ROLLING, START THE BALL ROLLING, GOPHER BALL, GROUND BALL, HAVE A HALL, HAVE SOMETHING ON THE BALL, JUMP BALL, KEEP THE BALL ROLLING, LONG BALL, ON THE BALL, PASSED BALL, PLAYBALL....
17. Значение идиомы Russian roulette [Russian roulette] {n.} A game of chance in which one bullet isplaced in a revolver, the cartridge cylinder is spun, and the playeraims the gun at his own head and pulls the trigger. Only a foolwould risk playing Russian roulette....
18. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.” When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant […]...
19. Значение идиомы pile-up [pile-up] {n.} 1. A heap; a deposit of one object on top ofanother. There is a huge pile-up of junked cars in this vacantlot. 2. A large number of objects in the same place, said of traffic. I was late because of the traffic pile-up on the highway....
20. Ice fishing This guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there. Guy goes to another spot and drills. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there, either. Guy tries a third spot. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either. Guy, getting a little nervous: “Are […]...
21. Перевод слова deep Deep – глубокий Перевод слова Deep wrinkles – глубокие морщины deep grass – высокая трава deep bow – глубокий поклон I am Deep in debt. Я по уши в долгах. He has a Deep voice. У него низкий голос. The well was forty feet Deep. Глубина колодца составляла 40 футов. Интересные факты Deep Purple – […]...
22. Deserted island golf A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” […]...
23. The Amazing Flying Dog A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.” With that, he disappears into […]...
24. Значение идиомы on one’s chest [on one’s chest] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Hidden in your thoughts orfeelings and bothering you; making you feel worried or upset; that issomething you want to talk to someone about. Jane looks unhappybecause she has the quarrel with Susan on her chest. “Well, Dave,”said the coach, “You look sad – what’s on your chest?” Compare: ONONE’S […]...
25. From Us The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters “ILU” written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does “ILU” mean? The little girl replies, “I love you.” The teacher says, “Isn’t that sweet,” and continues with class. The […]...
26. ZHow offensive is that? How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle’s. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes […]...
27. Перевод слова gold Gold – золото, золотой, богатства Перевод слова Bracelet of gold – золотой браслет greed of gold – жажда обогащения gold field – золотой прииск He’s got a real head of Gold. Да у него золотая голова! Gold and iron alloy with ease. Золото и железо легко сплавляются. I would not do it for all the […]...
28. A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The […]...
29. I’ll use my Seeing Eye Dog A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite […]...
30. Describing People’s Voices Adriana: Shhh, I’m trying to listen to the radio. Ralph: How can you listen to that radio station? All of their Deejays have such funny voices. Adriana: That’s precisely why I like it. Take this guy, Kevin. He has a Deep, Husky voice that I find really Sexy. Ralph: This guy? His voice is so […]...
31. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called “lady of the night”. She says, “For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.” Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
32. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
33. At a Casino Hanna: Where have you been? I’ve been trying to find you. I just won $80 from this Slot machine. It’s not the Jackpot, but now I’ve Broken even. Tad: That’s really great. Maybe some of your luck will Rub off on me. I’m just about to see what the High rollers are doing. Do you […]...
34. By definition A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, “Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?” The boy nods and the […]...
35. Heavenly golf Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over […]...
36. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands There’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on […]...
37. Значение идиомы corn ball [corn ball] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. A superficially sentimental movie or musical in which the word “love” is mentioned too often; a theatrical performance that is trivially sentimental. That movie last night was a corn ball. 2. A person who behaves in a superficially sentimental manner or likes performances portraying such behavior. Suzie can’t stand […]...
38. A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept punching the buttons only to have happen what you’d expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went and got more. Back […]...
39. During a recent publicity outing During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die […]...
40. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail […]...