Gimme some aspirin!

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1. The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
2. A man was interviewing for a sales representativeA man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate would have been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcerting mannerism. He kept winking. «Look here, I’d like to give you the job, you’ve got good references and experience. The trouble is this trick you’ve got of winking all the time, it ... Читать далее...
3. Значение идиомы six of one and half-a-dozen of the other[six of one and half-a-dozen of the other] {n. phr.} Two things thesame; not a real choice; no difference. Which coat do you likebetter, the brown or the blue? It’s six of one and half-a-dozen of theother. Johnny says it’s six of one and half-a-dozen of the otherwhether he does the job tonight or tomorrow ... Читать далее...
4. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-weekA guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says «OK,» and goes to the pharmacy to buy ... Читать далее...
5. Fred DingalingA local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. «Fred,» he replies. «Fred what?» ... Читать далее...
6. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condomsThe first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, «Compared to what?» She held up one finger and asked if I ... Читать далее...
7. A really bad, terrible mistakeFred goes to a doctor and says, «Doc, I want to be castrated.» Doc says, «Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation.» Fred: «Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a little embarrassed about talking ... Читать далее...
8. A cure for a headachePhil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. «I’ve got a beaut cure for a headache,» said his mate Trev. «Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails.» A week went by and they were ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова halfHalf — половина, частичный Перевод слова A half knowledge of the subject — недостаточное знание предмета half light — неполный свет half the profits — половина прибылей half empty — наполовину пустой It’s Half past one. Сейчас половина второго. What is Half of six? Сколько будет, если шесть разделить пополам? Two Halves make a whole. ... Читать далее...
10. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement parkThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
11. The young playboy took a blind date to anThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
12. Olympic condomsA man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. «Olympic condoms?» she blurts, «What makes them so special?» «There are three colors,» he explains, «gold, silver and bronze.» «So what color ... Читать далее...
13. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. PeterLady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: «Oh dear, what happened to you?» Di answers: «I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse». Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: «My God, you look terrible.» Dodi ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы half[half] See: GO HALVES, GO OFF HALF-COCKED also GO OFF AT HALF COCK, IN HALF, SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER, TIME AND A HALF, TOO-BY HALF....
15. Перевод слова headacheHeadache — головная боль; проблема, трудность Перевод слова To suffer from headache — страдать головными болями a headache problem — трудная задача that’s not my headache — меня это не касается I’m starting to get a Headache. У меня начинает болеть голова. The city’s biggest Headache is traffic. Самой большой проблемой города является автомобильное движение. ... Читать далее...
16. A young couple gets married, and the groomA young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts ... Читать далее...
17. CHECK THE BUFFETT!In a Texas bar, The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them «whip ’em out».Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar, at the same time a gay guy walks into the bar. Fred ask the man ... Читать далее...
18. A young bloke has started work on a propertyA young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. «I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a ... Читать далее...
19. A FightGinger: I can’t believe it. You’re late again! Fred: I got Caught up at work. What are you so Worked up about? Ginger: I’ve Had it up to here with your Excuses. If you knew you were going to be late, why didn’t you call? We’ve Been over this a hundred times. Fred: There wasn’t ... Читать далее...
20. A man stops by a diner at noonA man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and ... Читать далее...
21. This man got his prescription for ViagraThis man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, «I’ll be home in an hour.» «Perfect,» she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова dozenDozen — дюжина, множество Перевод слова Round dozen — ровно дюжина in dozens, by the dozen — дюжинами dozens of people — множество людей How much are eggs per Dozen? Почем дюжина яиц? I’ve heard this story a Dozen times before. Я уже слышал эту историю раз десять. Skilled stalkers are shooting up to a ... Читать далее...
23. Constantly complainingA customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth ... Читать далее...
24. The Barber ShopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, «How long before I can get a ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы baker’s dozen[baker’s dozen] {n.}, {informal} Thirteen. «How many of the jelly doughnuts, Sir? » the sales clerk asked. «Oh, make it a baker’s dozen.»...
26. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limoTwo newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, «Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.» «Good idea,» she says. «While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.» The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore ... Читать далее...
27. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
28. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
29. Jokes about the Stupid IrishA man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, «Fill it up, will you?». The man says «Sorry — we’re right out of petrol.» So the man considers, and ... Читать далее...
30. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
31. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод сленгового выражения gimme, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: gimme Перевод: приобретательство, стремление получить еще больше Пример: The professor said that what we had today was a gimme’s society. Профессор сказал, что сегодняшнее общество — общество потребления. I’m tired of receiving gimme letters from them. Я устал получать от них письма с требованиями....
33. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
34. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...
35. The wife is not speaking to meOne night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. «What’s the matter?» the bartender asks. «My wife and I got into a fight,» explained the guy «and now she isn’t talking to me for a ... Читать далее...
36. The subway car was packedThe subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, «Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!» «I don’t know what you’re talking about miss — that’s just my ... Читать далее...
37. Constipation problemOld Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half — hour in the morning ... Читать далее...
38. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be doneAunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at ... Читать далее...
39. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
40. StrategyThe middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, «In the past 3 weeks you’ve ... Читать далее...