First grade romance

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1. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also […]...
2. State of Arkansas Residency Application State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse’s Name: Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister […]...
3. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
4. A mother-daughter conversation A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with […]...
5. No children yet Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don’t know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it’s just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing....
6. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
7. Investment counselor An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in […]...
8. Worrying About Your Children Pavel: I’m really worried about Hanna. She’s been Hanging around with that girl Carla, and Carla Runs with the wrong crowd. Hillary: Hanna is Rebelling a little. That’s Natural at her age. When I was her age, I thought I knew more than my parents or any adult, and that I should be able to […]...
9. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mom,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?” […]...
10. A mother was teaching her three year old daughter A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, […]...
11. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says “No, I don’t think […]...
12. Значение идиомы honest to goodness [honest to goodness] or [honest to God] {adj. phr.}, {informal}Really; truly; honestly. – Used to emphasize something said. Whenwe were in Washington, we saw the President, honest to goodness. “Honest to goodness, Jane, I think you are the messiest girl in theworld,” said Mother....
13. Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an old woman walked by. “Hey, Billy Joe,” one said, “I think that’s Mother Teresa.” “Your nuts.” “I’m telling you.” They approached the woman and one asked, “Are you Mother Teresa?” The old lady eyed them scornfully. “Fuck off, you goddamn perverts,” she hissed, […]...
14. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
15. The hamster and the pollar bear The daughter asks her mother: -My dear mother, please buy for me a hamster! -My daughter you will get tired of it, what will you do with it then? It isn’t a toy, you can’t throw it away! -Then we will buy a cat! The cat will eat a hamster and it will live with […]...
16. Being a Strict Parent Allison: I’m almost ready for my granddaughter’s visit. She’ll be here tomorrow and I want everything to be perfect. Ola: What do you have planned? Allison: I’m going To spoil her rotten. My daughter is very Strict and doesn’t allow her to do anything that a normal 10-year-old wants to do. Ola: Like what? Allison: […]...
17. The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can’t come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come […]...
18. Значение идиомы high-class [high-class] {adj.} Of the best quality; very good; superior. – Avoided by many careful speakers. When Mr. Brown got a raise inpay, Mrs. Brown started to look for a high-class apartment. Mrs. Smith always gets her clothing at high-class shops. Mr. Jonesalways gets his office workers from Burns Agency because they havehigh-class help. Compare: FIRST-CLASS....
19. Homework One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, “We’re learning about sexual education.” She smiled, and said, “At least he’s learning something usefull.” Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. […]...
20. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...
21. Перевод слова honest Honest – честный, искренний, настоящий Перевод слова Honest to the core – искренний до глубины души honest fellow – честный малый honest to God – честное слово honest price – справедливая цена Just give me an Honest answer. Просто дай мне честный ответ. Honest to God, I wasn’t there. Честное слово, я там не был. […]...
22. A young mother paying a visit to a doctor A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.” “No,” said the doctor calmly, […]...
23. Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him. “Billy,” said his dad, “doing that will make […]...
24. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...
25. UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM ____________________University To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________ I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be Changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. ______3. This course will lower […]...
26. An ant and an elephant share a night of romance An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Damn”, says the ant, “one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”...
27. Значение идиомы lightning never strikes twice in the same place [lightning never strikes twice in the same place] The same accidentdoes not happen twice; the same person does not have the same luckagain. – A proverb. Billy won a pony in the contest last year, butlightning never strikes twice in the same place....
28. A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked “Who’s that you’re drawing, son?” The son answered, “God.” “Don’t be silly,” reproved the mother. “Nobody knows what God looks like.” Not even pausing in his task, the […]...
29. It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through […]...
30. Good girls vs. Bad girls Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during […]...
31. Need extra cash A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, […]...
32. Sexually active A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. THE DR. ASKS,”IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?” THE REDNECK SAYS,”NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER. Sent by BOBBY...
33. Introducing Myself (2) My name is Kostya. My surname is Laznev. I was born in Moscow on the 23rd of June in 1981. I am a tall thin boy. My hair is dark and short. My face is oval, my nose is straight. My eyes are large and brown. My friends say that I am a good-looking boy. […]...
34. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.” The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?” The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.” Sent by soh...
35. Значение идиомы gloss over [gloss over] {v.} To try to make what is wrong or bad seem right ornot important; try to make a thing look easy; pretend about; hide. Billy broke a window and Mother tried to gloss it over by saying itwouldn’t cost much to have it fixed, but Father spanked Billy anyway. John glossed over his […]...
36. A clear moral One day at the end of class little Billy’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, “Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive […]...
37. Перевод слова daughter Daughter – дочь; порождение, отпрыск Перевод слова Only daughter – единственная дочь daughter card – плата более низкого уровня daughter company – дочерняя компания Stay away from my Daughter! Держись подальше от моей дочери! Can your Daughter count yet? Ваша дочь уже умеет считать? The United States is a Daughter of Great Britain. Великобритания – […]...
38. My Family I am Zhilin Andrey. Andrey is my name and Zhilin is my surname. I am seventeen years old. I want to tell you a few words about my family. My family is not large. I have got mother, father and grandmother. There are four of us in the family. First of all some words about […]...
39. A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going. The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen. In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is,” […]...
40. The real treasure An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a […]...