Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend

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1. Two wives were airing their troublesTwo wives were airing their troubles: “I’d like to get a divorce,” said the first. “My husband and I just don’t get along.” “Why don’t you sue him for incompatibility?” asked the second. “I would if I could catch him at it,” replied the first....
2. Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wivesTwo buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well… not exactly. More like […]...
3. Two senior couples are walking along, wives in frontTwo senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.” Sam says, “Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?” Herb says, “You’ll going to […]...
4. Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking tripSherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see?” “Well, I see thousands of stars.” “And what does that mean to you?” “Well, I guess it means we will […]...
5. A Camping TripMy friends and I decided to take a trip to Yosemite National Park To do some Camping and Hiking. We all like the Outdoors, but we all live in the city. We have all been Griping about Feeling cooped up so we decided to take a Road trip. This trip would give all of us […]...
6. Camping holiday (opinion composition)I would think twice before going on a camping holiday. First of all, it is an occupation for a company, while I like to spend free time alone. Second, you should sleep in a tent. Personally I find it uncomfortable. Third, you can get food poisoning because of the forest food, I find it awful. […]...
7. Types of campingMost people drive to a campsite and set up a tent there. This is easy because you can take everything you need for your camping holiday in your car with you. In most cases you will choose a campsite that is near the road. Travelling in recreational vehicles is more comfortable but also much more […]...
8. Перевод слова tentTent – палатка, шатер Перевод слова Lightweight tent – облегченная палатка tent bed – походная кровать, кровать с балдахином to peg the tent – закрепить палатку колышками Our sole accommodation was a Tent barely able to contain eight persons. Нашим единственным убежищем была палатка, едва вмещавшая восемь человек. The Tent sleeps five adults. Эта палатка […]...
9. Перевод слова hellHell – ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell – превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell – переносить муки ада oh hell! – черт возьми! hell of a way – чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming […]...
10. Перевод слова pausePause – пауза, делать паузу Перевод слова After a cogitative pause – после раздумья to pause for lunch – делать перерыв на обед pause command – команда приостановки There was a dead Pause. Наступило гробовое молчание. Press the Pause button. Нажмите на паузу. We Paused briefly to look at the scenery. Мы ненадолго задержалась, чтобы […]...
11. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
12. On a very cold winter nightOn a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, “I had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” The guy on the left says, “I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.” “The guy […]...
13. Значение идиомы hell[hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
14. Значение идиомы morning after[morning after] {n.}, {slang} The effects of drinking liquor orstaying up late as felt the next morning; a hangover. One of thetroubles of drinking too much liquor is the morning after. Mr. Smith woke up with a big headache and knew it was the morning after....
15. Capitalist and Socialist HellA young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, “What […]...
16. Как я провел выходные/ How I Spent My WeekendНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык How I Spent My Weekend Как я провел выходные Weekend is something that I really look forward to after six busy days at school. I think, every person, whether an adult or a child, cannot work all the time and needs time for rest. That’s why weekends are […]...
17. Значение идиомы a hell of[a hell of] a [or one hell of a] {adj. or adv. phr.}, {informal} Extraordinary; very. He made a hell of a shot during the basketball game. Max said seven months was a hell of a time to have to wait for a simple visa. The fall Max took left one hell of a bruise […]...
18. Twenty men die and go to heavenTwenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first […]...
19. After working together for a whileAfter working together for a while, Dick and Jane’s office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says […]...
20. My Weekend (2)В топике Мои выходные (2) я рассказываю, как обычно проходят мои выходные дни: суббота и воскресенье. По субботам я встаю позже 9-ти часов утра, затем – поздний завтрак с чем-нибудь вкусным, потом я обычно иду гулять в парк со своей собакой. По вечерам в выходные, наша семья навещает бабушку и дедушку или других родственников. Часто […]...
21. Выходные/ WeekendНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Weekend Выходные I think, any person loves weekend very much. So I also wait for them all the week. The previous weekend I spend very merry and interesting. My family and I decided to go to a picnic. We started to prepare beforehand: father and brother bought the […]...
22. This guy walks in to a bathroomThis guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says “put your dick in here, we’ll do what your wife does for you”. So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it....
23. A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerA guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?” “Hell no!” the guy said. The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used […]...
24. Ужасные выходные/ Terrible WeekendНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Terrible Weekend Ужасные выходные We all love weekends, but not all of them are good. Recently I’ve had the worst weekend in my life. As usually I was hoping to spend great time with my family, my friends and my dog, but everything went wrong at that terrible […]...
25. Значение идиомы give one pause[give one pause] {v. phr.} To astonish someone; cause one to stopand think. “Your remark gives me pause,” Tom said, when Jane calledhim an incurable gambler....
26. My WeekendВ топике Мои выходные я расскажу, как я провел последнее воскресенье. Ко мне пришли в гости мои друзья, и мы хорошо провели время, посмотрев передачу “Что? Где? Когда?” и художественный фильм “День независимости”, который мне очень понравился. Потом мы пошли на спортивную площадку, где мы играли в футбол и баскетбол. Я люблю рассказывать о своих […]...
27. Перевод слова pegPeg – колышек, вешалка Перевод слова To hang one’s hat on a peg – повесить шляпу на крючок to peg the tent – закрепить палатку колышками peg board – коммутационная доска tent peg – колышек для натягивания палатки to peg out an area – размечать площадку колышками Make sure the tent is safely Pegged down […]...
28. Nature of HellA thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when […]...
29. A little girl was walking along a beach in CaliforniaA little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, “What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?” The man said, “Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!” The man thought nothing of […]...
30. Two couples decide to spend the weekend away togetherTwo couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, “Wow! This is the very best sex I had in […]...
31. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, “You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman […]...
32. Saving the situationAfter attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
33. During the World War IIDuring the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down […]...
34. Silent treatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and […]...
35. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Планы на выходные” (Weekend plans)– Helen, do you know our office is organizing a trip to the island? Are you coming? – Oh, that sounds great! Is it this weekend? – No, the next one. Do you have any plans for the next Saturday and Sunday? – What a pity! It’s not possible. I already have some big plans. […]...
36. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
37. Значение идиомы give pause[give pause] {v. phr.} To cause you to stop and think; make youdoubt or worry. The heavy monthly payments gave Mr. Smith pause inhis plans to buy a new car. The bad weather gave Miss Carter pauseabout driving to New York City....
38. Значение идиомы big top[big top] {n.} The main tent under which a circus gives its show; the circus and circus life. Lillian Leitzel was one of the great stars of the big top. The book tells of life under the big top....
39. Where am I, Cathy?Attorney to witness: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?” Witness: “Where am I Cathy?” Attorney: “And why did that upset you?” Witness: “Because my name is Susan.”...
40. TarantinoThis guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.” The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……”You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 […]...