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Drink fault-finding guide

A solution to all of your drinking troubles

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog — After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high — maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar — if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time — if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.



My best friend.
Hobbies.

Related topics:

  1. What to doDRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод слова faultFault — вина, ошибка, недочет, дефект Перевод слова A fault in cloth — дефект в ткани it is his great fault — это его большой недостаток there’s your fault — вот в чем ваша ошибка faults of a child — проступки ребенка The Fault is attached to the bus driver. Вина лежит на водителе автобуса. ... Читать далее...
  3. Значение идиомы at fault[at fault] {adj. phr.} Responsible for an error or failure; to blame. The driver who didn’t stop at the red light was at fault in the accident. When the engine would not start, the mechanic looked at all the parts to find what was at fault. Syn.: IN THE WRONG....
  4. Значение идиомы to a fault[to a fault] {adv. phr.} So very well that it is in a way bad; tothe point of being rather foolish; too well; too much. Aunt Maywants everything in her house to be exactly right; she is neat to afault. Mary acts her part to a fault. John carriesthoroughness to a fault; he spends many ... Читать далее...
  5. Значение идиомы find fault[find fault] {v. phr.} To find something wrong; complain;criticize. She tries to please him, but he always finds fault. They found fault with every box I made. Compare: JUMP ON, PICKAT....
  6. Giving Cats PillsINSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill ... Читать далее...
  7. Значение идиомы generous to a fault[generous to a fault] {adj. phr.} Excessively generous. Generousto a fault, my Aunt Elizabeth gave away all her rare books to her oldcollege....
  8. Перевод идиомы find fault (with someone or something), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: find fault (with someone or something) Перевод: придираться к кому-либо или чему-либо Пример: My boss finds fault with everything that I do. Мой начальник придирается ко всему, что я делаю....
  9. Перевод слова pintPint — пинта, кружка эля или пива Перевод слова Pint of milk — пинта молока give us the price of a pint! — налейте кружечку half-pint — бутылка в полпинты A Pint of bitter, please. Пинту горького, пожалуйста. The soldier took pride in being able to gulp back a whole Pint of beer at once. ... Читать далее...
  10. Перевод идиомы at fault, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: at fault Перевод: быть ответственным за что-либо, быть виновным в чем-либо Пример: The truck driver was at fault for the terrible accident. Водитель грузовика был виновен в этом ужасном происшествии....
  11. Перевод слова symptomSymptom — симптом, внешний признак Перевод слова A premonitory symptom — предостерегающий симптом acute symptom — острый симптом defect symptom — признак неисправности Symptoms of discontent began to appear. Стали появляться первые признаки недовольства. The most afflictive Symptom was want of sleep. Наиболее мучительным симптомом была сонливость. He attempted to pass him without any Symptom ... Читать далее...
  12. A nun arrives at the local barJohn was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. «You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!» Now John ... Читать далее...
  13. Значение идиомы leave a bad taste in one’s mouth[leave a bad taste in one’s mouth] {v. phr.} To feel a badimpression; make you feel disgusted. Seeing a man beat his horseleaves a bad taste in your mouth. His rudeness to the teacher lefta bad taste in my mouth....
  14. The customs of an IrishmanAn Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, «You know, a pint goes flat after ... Читать далее...
  15. The office happeningsQuote from a recent meeting: «We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done». Quote from the Boss… «I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.» A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until ... Читать далее...
  16. Перевод идиомы the glass ceiling, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the glass ceiling Перевод: барьер при продвижении по службе (чаще всего из-за дискриминации, по отношению к женщинам и меньшинствам) Пример: She shattered the glass ceiling for female producers when she became the company’s executive producer. Она преодолела ограничивающий барьер, существующий для женщин-продюсеров, когда стала исполнительным продюсером компании....
  17. Bad luck finding a place to hideA small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, «Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.» The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink ... Читать далее...
  18. Working in a Dead End JobAgency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find ... Читать далее...
  19. Перевод слова ceilingCeiling — потолок Перевод слова Ceiling with timbers — балочный потолок ceiling fan — потолочный вентилятор low ceiling — низкий потолок The house has low Ceilings. В доме низкие потолки. A «Ceiling» was set upon all commodity prices. На все товары широкого потребления установлен потолок цен. Mind your head — the Ceiling’s a bit low. ... Читать далее...
  20. Tea as the Most Popular Drink in BritainИз топика Чай — самый популярный напиток в Британии, вы узнаете, что англичане предпочитают чай, а не кофе, столь популярный в Европе и Америке. Впервые чай появился в Великобритании в 17-ом веке, а сегодня модный ритуал «чаепитие в 5 часов вечера» проводят по всей Британии. Чай обязательно должен быть очень крепким, с молоком и сладостями. ... Читать далее...
  21. The scene is a dark jungle in AfricaThe scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, «Hey! Cut it out, alright!» The rear tiger says, «sorry,» and they continue. ... Читать далее...
  22. Placing a Drink OrderServer: Hello, I’m Allie and I’ll be your Server today. Here’s a menu. Can I take your Drink order? Joel: I’d like a glass of water with no ice. Server: Sure. Will that be Sparkling or Still? Joel: Uh, Tap. Server: Okay, one glass of tap water. Would you like anything else? We have Soda, ... Читать далее...
  23. Texan’s guide to lifeNever squat with yer spurs on. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works. Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Never ... Читать далее...
  24. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcutA drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and ... Читать далее...
  25. Значение идиомы nurse a drink[nurse a drink] {v. phr.}, {informal} To hold a drink in one’s handat a party, pretending to be drinking it or taking extremely smallsips only. John’s been nursing that drink all evening....
  26. Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotelBerkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. «Bartender,» he says, «give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab.» When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he’s at her ... Читать далее...
  27. Значение идиомы mouth[mouth] See: BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH, BUTTERWOULDN’T MELT IN ONE’S MOUTH, BY WORD OF MOUTH, DOWN IN THE DUMPS orDOWN IN THE MOUTH, FOAM AT THE MOUTH, HEART IN ONE’S MOUTH, KEEP ONE’SMOUTH SHUT, LAUGH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, LEAVE A BAD TASTEIN ONE’S MOUTH, LIVE FROM HAND ... Читать далее...
  28. Перевод слова solutionSolution — решение, объяснение; раствор Перевод слова To discover a solution to the problem — найти решение проблемы facile solution — поверхностное заключение to make a solution — приготовить раствор The problem has a unique Solution. Задача имеет единственное решение. The Solution boiled at 57.4°C. Этот раствор кипел при 57.4°с. There’s no Solution to this ... Читать далее...
  29. Перевод слова findingFinding — обнаружение, нахождение; вывод, заключение Перевод слова Fault finding — отыскание неисправностей the findings of the conference — выводы конференции radio direction finding — радиопеленгация We rewarded him for Finding our lost dog. Мы отблагодарили его за то, что он нашел нашу потерявшуюся собаку. The only snag is Finding somewhere to put it. Единственная ... Читать далее...
  30. Finding a Book at a BookstoreClerk: Can I help you find something? Adrian: Yes. Can you tell me where the Non-fiction Books are? Clerk: Are you looking for Hardbacks or Paperbacks? Adrian: I’m not sure. I think hardbacks. Clerk: Well, the non-fiction New releases are at the front of the store. The non-fiction section is behind the Fiction shelves on ... Читать далее...
  31. Finding a Book at a BookstoreClerk: Can I help you find something? Adrian: Yes. Can you tell me where the Non-fiction Books are? Clerk: Are you looking for Hardbacks or Paperbacks? Adrian: I’m not sure. I think hardbacks. Clerk: Well, the non-fiction New releases are at the front of the store. The non-fiction section is behind the Fiction shelves on ... Читать далее...
  32. Finding Love on Valentine’s DayTony: Another Valentine’s Day! I really hate Valentine’s Day. Chelsea: What’s your problem? Tony: I’m sick of seeing Heart-shaped boxes, Stuffed animals, and Cupid decorations everywhere. Lovey-dovey couples on the street and nothing but Sentimental movies on TV – that’s what I have a problem with. Chelsea: You’re just Jaded because you don’t have a ... Читать далее...
  33. Reasons to allow drinking at workThe below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low ... Читать далее...
  34. Blondes dumb?!?!?After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it ... Читать далее...
  35. How To Give Your Cat a Pill1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, «That’s a nice kitty.» Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold ... Читать далее...
  36. Пословица / поговорка a bad workman blames his tools / a bad workman finds fault with his tools — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: a bad workman blames his tools / a bad workman finds fault with his tools Перевод: у плохого мастера всегда инструмент виноват Эквивалент в русском языке: мастер глуп — нож туп Пример: The carpenter was angry that his saw did not cut well. As often happens, a bad workman blames his tools. ... Читать далее...
  37. Tea is the Most Popular Drink in Britain — Чай — самый популярный напиток в БританииEveryone knows that tea is the most popular drink in Britain. It’s even more popular than coffee, which is favoured throughout Europe and America. The Dutch brought the first tea to Europe in 1610. But it was not until 1658 that the first advertisement for tea appeared in a London newspaper. At that time a ... Читать далее...
  38. Перевод слова satisfactionSatisfaction — удовлетворение, удовольствие, радость Перевод слова A feeling of satisfaction — чувство удовлетворенности with satisfaction — с удовлетворением a source of satisfaction — источник радости It gave me a feeling of Satisfaction. Это принесло мне чувство удовлетворения. The work was done to my Satisfaction. То, как была выполнена эта работа, удовлетворило меня. A supreme ... Читать далее...
  39. Перевод слова tasteTaste — вкус; склонность, пристрастие Перевод слова To develop a taste for opera — полюбить оперу educated taste — развитой вкус taste improver — улучшитель вкуса, вкусовая добавка He is not a man to our Taste. Он — человек не в нашем вкусе. It didn’t Taste much of ginger. Я особо не почувствовал имбирь. She ... Читать далее...
  40. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged childrenA teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you ... Читать далее...

Drink fault-finding guide