Dream at night – Ночной сон

The sun was going down for the last time, sending its burning farewell rays down on this naked earth. Are there many people like me, I wonder? the ones who look at the sunset and think: is it the last one ever?.. the ones who count days, catch minutes and try to remember each moment of their lives?.. Remember and take it away with them…

I am 13 and I am terminally ill… It doesn’t matter, however… It doesn’t matter who I am… and how much time I have left. Only just now I have understood, that one person’s life means nothing… What can possibly change in the shining of the sun? Will these stars go out for someone but me?

I am an egoist, I guess. In fact, all the terminally ill ones are egoists. And they can’t be blamed for this. We are accustomed to be such, surrounded by care, asked if we felt good. Whether it’s right or not – I’m not the one to judge.

It feels so good to breathe in the fresh, floaty wind of May, filled with the smell of lilac

and blooming apples. Sunset – here’s what really appeals to me. I wish it was possible to look at it 43 times in a row, like in the tale “Little Prince”. It’s my favourite tale. It’s odd that a child is wiser than any elder. Has anyone except me and Saint-Exupery ever noticed that?

In my 13 I have read nothing but tales. What else is left for you to do in a hospital anyway? What on earth is left for a 13-year-old on a brink of death?

No, I’m not going to complain. No, I just… just wanted to say, not even to you, but to myself, that you should never think that life is over… whatever might happen… Because life – it’s onlytime, no… a small part of it… And time? Time was made up to measure the distance from one event to another. It was made up… There is no time. So who cares how long I have lived and how much is left for me. And I think that if I were healthy I wouldn’t be any happier than I am now. I don’t know if I should say this…

There’s one thing I know for sure – this magnificent sunset would not change. That is for sure.

Pearly and golden rays would come through purple clouds and fall down as emerald as they are now.

At least this is what makes life worth living if you’re not living it for your own sake.

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Dream at night – Ночной сон