Clarinet

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1. Accordions An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What’s the […]...
2. Bagpipes Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) – I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic […]...
3. Banjo Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of […]...
4. Viola Q: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison. Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One. Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What is the difference between […]...
5. Guitar Q: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: […]...
6. Saxophone Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the […]...
7. Перевод идиомы chop-chop / Chop chop!, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: chop-chop / Chop chop! Идиома: chop-chop / Chop chop! разг. Перевод: быстро, незамедлительно Пример: Chop-chop! We have very little time left. Поторопитесь! У нас осталось очень мало времени....
8. Fucking onion – boy, I need some onion – sorry, mam, we don’t have onion at the moment – I don’t care, I need some onion – but mam, we don’t have onion in the market right now – you don’t understand me, I need some onion – well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters […]...
9. Перевод слова loud Loud – громкий, шумный Перевод слова Loud groan – громкий стон loud guffaw – громкий хохот streets loud with life – оживленные шумные улицы Don’t ask so Loud. Не задавайте вопросов так громко. The more Tom drank, the Louder he became. Чем больше Том пил, тем громче он становился. He gave a Loud laugh. Он […]...
10. A large difference A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out […]...
11. Значение идиомы out loud [out loud] {adv. phr.} In an ordinary speaking voice and notwhispering or talking quietly; so everybody can hear; aloud. Theteacher read the final grades out loud. Mary spoke out loud so thepeople standing nearby would hear. Sometimes I find it helpful tothink out loud....
12. Значение идиомы actions speak louder than words [actions speak louder than words] What you do shows your character better and is more important than what you say. – A proverb. John promised to help me, but he didn’t. Actions speak louder than words. Joe is very quiet, but actions speak louder than words. He is the best player on the team....
13. Перевод слова definition Definition – определение; четкость, определенность Перевод слова Clear definition – ясное определение the definition of the term – определение термина bad definition – нечеткость изображения There is no generally accepted Definition of life. Нет единого общепринятого определения жизни. A week of fishing is my Definition of a vacation. Неделя рыбалки – это мое представление об […]...
14. Golf in the Bedroom Golf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment – normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. […]...
15. The cost of a brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. “How much does it cost for engineer brain?” “Three dollars an […]...
16. Перевод слова brain Brain – мозг Перевод слова Brain damage – повреждение мозга brain disorder – расстройство умственной деятельности engineering brain – технический склад ума My Brain was in a buzz. Мои мозги гудели. I am not a Brain as you well know. Как ты знаешь, я не слишком способный. Alcohol fogs his Brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги....
17. Question answer 02 Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing! […]...
18. Talking to ourselves: the science of the little voice in your head If we want to understand what’s happening in the brain when people’hear voices’, we first need to understand what happens during ordinary inner speech Most of us will be familiar with the experience of silently talking to ourselves in our head. Perhaps you’re at the supermarket and realise that you’ve forgotten to pick up something […]...
19. English horn Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? […]...
20. Collection 01 If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair. […]...
21. Значение идиомы split the difference [split the difference] {v. phr.}, {informal} To settle a moneydisagreement by dividing the difference, each person giving up half. Bob offered $25 for Bill’s bicycle and Bill wanted $35; they splitthe difference....
22. Trombone Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you […]...
23. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
24. A little game A game Check this out! It only takes about 30 seconds. Don’t cheat! Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. Keep going! Think of an animal that begins with that letter. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. Think of a man’s name that begins […]...
25. Перевод слова hear Hear – слышать, услышать, слушать Перевод слова To hear a loud sound – услышать громкий звук there was nothing to be heard – ничего не было слышно she can’t hear very well – она не очень хорошо слышит glad to hear it – рад это слышать He is dull of Hearing. Он плохо слышит. Can […]...
26. Orchestra Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA! Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms! Q: How many conductors does it […]...
27. Перевод слова difference Difference – различие, разница, несходство Перевод слова Difference of opinion – расхождение во мнениях difference of five pounds – разница в пять фунтов to have a difference with smb. – поспорить с кем-л. It makes no Difference. Какая разница? Can you taste the Difference? Вы можете почувствовать разницу? It makes a vast Difference. Это значительно […]...
28. SunChips’ New 100% Compostable Bag Is Hilariously, Ear-Damagingly Loud There’s one kinda big problem with SunChips’ new 100% compostable bag: It’s noisy as Hell. An Air Force pilot says it’s louder than the cockpit of his jet, and this video test pegs it at a potentially damaging 95 decibels. Yes, this bag of chips crinkles up to 95 decibels, about five dB higher than […]...
29. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I […]...
30. Перевод слова player Player – игрок, плеер Перевод слова Circumspect player – осторожный игрок composite player – коллективный игрок chess player – игрок в шахматы He’s a very fine Player. Он очень хороший игрок. He’s a keen chess Player. Он фанатичный шахматист. Each Player throws one die. Каждый игрок бросает одну кость. Происхождение слова player Образовано от глагола...
31. Значение идиомы to pieces [to pieces] {adv. phr.} 1. Into broken pieces or fragments;destroyed. The cannon shot the town to pieces. The vase fell topieces in Mary’s hand. 2. {informal} So as not to work; into a stateof not operating. After 100,000 miles the car went to pieces. When Mary heard of her mother’s death, she went to pieces. […]...
32. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...
33. Фразовый глагол chop up – перевод и значение, пример использования Фразовый глагол: chop up Перевод: нарезать на мелкие кусочки, накрошить Пример: He chopped the meat up into little pieces. Он разрезал мясо на мелкие кусочки....
34. A jazz chord Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and […]...
35. Значение идиомы six of one and half-a-dozen of the other [six of one and half-a-dozen of the other] {n. phr.} Two things thesame; not a real choice; no difference. Which coat do you likebetter, the brown or the blue? It’s six of one and half-a-dozen of theother. Johnny says it’s six of one and half-a-dozen of the otherwhether he does the job tonight or tomorrow […]...
36. Значение идиомы cut to pieces [cut to pieces] {v. phr.} 1. To divide into small parts with something sharp; cut badly or completely. Baby has cut the newspaper to pieces with scissors. 2. To destroy or defeat completely. The soldiers were cut to pieces by the Indians. When Dick showed his book report to his big sister for correction, she […]...
37. Ice fishing This guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there. Guy goes to another spot and drills. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there, either. Guy tries a third spot. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either. Guy, getting a little nervous: “Are […]...
38. A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says “I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play’ The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts […]...
39. Значение идиомы pick apart [pick apart] or [pick to pieces] {v. phr.} To criticize harshly;find things wrong with; find fault with. After the dance, the girlspicked Susan apart. They picked the play to pieces....
40. Значение идиомы rack one’s brain [rack one’s brain] {v. phr.} To try your best to think; make agreat mental effort; especially: to try to remember something you haveknown. Bob racked his brain trying to remember where he left thebook. Susan racked her brain trying to guess whom the valentinecame from. John racked his brain during the test trying to solvethe […]...