Q: What’s the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.
Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.
Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
A: You can’t!
Мой любимый сайт на английском.
Напишите указанное время словами.
Related topics:
- BassQ: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one — but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does ... Читать далее...
- BagpipesQ: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) — I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic ... Читать далее...
- SaxophoneQ: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the ... Читать далее...
- Only in AmericaOnly in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance… Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink… Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke… Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова definitionDefinition — определение; четкость, определенность Перевод слова Clear definition — ясное определение the definition of the term — определение термина bad definition — нечеткость изображения There is no generally accepted Definition of life. Нет единого общепринятого определения жизни. A week of fishing is my Definition of a vacation. Неделя рыбалки — это мое представление об ... Читать далее...
- AccordionsAn accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What’s the ... Читать далее...
- The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
- Перевод сленгового выражения nerd, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: nerd Перевод: чересчур заумный человек с плохими навыками общения; кто-либо, кто не пользуется популярностью, успехом у других людей Синоним: dork; dweeb; loser Пример: I like Stephan, even though he is a bit of a nerd. Мне нравится Стивен, хоть он и немного ботаник....
- Значение идиомы on call[on call] {adj. phr.} 1. Having to be paid on demand. Jim didn’thave the money ready even though he knew the bill was on call. 2.Ready and available. This is Dr. Kent’s day to be on call at thehospital. The nurse is on call for emergency cases....
- Перевод слова playerPlayer — игрок, плеер Перевод слова Circumspect player — осторожный игрок composite player — коллективный игрок chess player — игрок в шахматы He’s a very fine Player. Он очень хороший игрок. He’s a keen chess Player. Он фанатичный шахматист. Each Player throws one die. Каждый игрок бросает одну кость. Происхождение слова player Образовано от глагола...
- Technology problemsOne of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly ... Читать далее...
- GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
- Question answer 02Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing! ... Читать далее...
- Get money to heavenA stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, «You can’t take it with you.» After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to ... Читать далее...
- ViolaQ: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison. Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One. Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What is the difference between ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы within call[within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas ... Читать далее...
- Question answer 03What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner! Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul ... Читать далее...
- Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail MessageI hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. ... Читать далее...
- On JeopardyOn Jeopardy… TREBEK: The category is «Political Subversion». The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life. PLAYER: What is the KGB? TREBEK: Be more specific. PLAYER: What is PBS? TREBEK: Right!...
- Georgia JokesGeorgia: We Put The «Fun» In Fundamentalist Extremism — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia ... Читать далее...
- Answering Machine MessagesI got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. «Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon ... Читать далее...
- BanjoQ: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова parkPark — парк; парковаться Перевод слова Amusement park — парк развлечений city park — городской парк national park — национальный парк to park a car along the side of a street — поставить машину у тротуара Let’s meet at the Park. Давайте встретимся в парке. We biked to the Park. Мы поехали на великах в ... Читать далее...
- You might be a redneck if 07You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade. You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. ... Читать далее...
- Why English is toughTwenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова leaveLeave — разрешение; отпуск; уходить, уезжать, покидать Перевод слова Leave of court — разрешение суда six months’ leave — шестимесячный отпуск to take leave of one’s friends — попрощаться с друзьями to leave the room — выйти из комнаты to leave a gap — оставлять промежуток Did you Leave a tip? Ты оставил чаевые? I ... Читать далее...
- Listening to MusicVictoria: I see that you have a really Extensive music Collection. J. D.: Yeah, I like a lot of different Genres of music. Victoria: Do you have the new J. McQ Album? He’s my favorite Artist. I just got it and I like all of the Tracks on it. J. D.: No, I haven’t heard ... Читать далее...
- An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to CaliforniaAn old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, «Operator, giff me beck the party!» She says, «I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again.» He says, «What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.» She ... Читать далее...
- The baseball demandsTop Baseball Player Demands From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994 In case anyone has od’ed on O. J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.] No team flights on Continental Airlines. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros. ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы strings attached[strings attached] {adv. phr.} With some special proviso orcondition that is a handicap. John inherited a large fortune butwith the string attached that he could not touch a penny of it beforehis 28th birthday....
- Значение идиомы take one’s leave[take one’s leave] or [take leave of] {v. phr.}, {formal} To saygood-bye and leave. He stayed on after most of the guests had takentheir leave. The messenger bowed and took leave of the queen. -[leave-taking] {n.} The end of school in June is a time ofleave-taking....
- Перевод слова callCall — окликать, звонить, вызывать Перевод слова To call for help — взывать о помощи to call out the firemen — вызвать пожарных I’ll call you back — я вам потом перезвоню Did you Call? Вы меня звали? Did anyone Call? Мне кто-нибудь звонил? The complex whole which we Call «civilization». Сложное единство, которое мы ... Читать далее...
- Very stupid musicianAugust, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which ... Читать далее...
- An Amazing Talking DogA man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, «I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.» Bartender: «Yeah! Sure…go ahead.» Man: «What covers a house?» Dog: «Roof!» Man: «How does sandpaper feel?» Dog: «Rough!» Man: «Who was the greatest ball player of all time?» Dog: «Ruth!» Man: ... Читать далее...
- Обзываемся по-английски!Nerd — ботаник, зануда prat — идиот lazy slob — разгильдяй scumbag — отморозок swot — зубрила tomboy — пацанка old bag/old cow — старая кошелка double-bagger — уродина...
- Значение идиомы double-park[double-park] {v.} To park a car beside another car which is at the curb. Jimmy’s father double-parked his car and the police gave him a ticket. If you double-park, you block other cars from passing....
- Starting a BandAt work one afternoon, my friend Michael asked me if I wanted to help him start a Band. I was really surprised because I didn’t even know Michael was a Musician. As it turns out, not only was Michael a good Guitarist, he was also a good Songwriter. He wanted to get together a band ... Читать далее...
- Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters. «Hello?» «Hello, is this the FBI?» «Yes. What do you want?» «I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.» «Thank you very much for the call, sir.» The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where ... Читать далее...
- GolfA golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from ... Читать далее...
- These Chickens want BooksA pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK.’ The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’ ... Читать далее...
Clarinet