Bending it further

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1. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cakeFor his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: «You are not getting older, You are just getting better.» When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, «Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.» It wasn’t until the ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод сленгового выражения around the bend / round the bend, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: around the bend / round the bend Перевод: сумасшедший, ненормальный (часто используется в выражениях Drive someone (a)round the bend, и Send someone (a)round the bend) Пример: She sounds like she’s round the bend already. Она говорит так, будто у нее уже не все дома....
3. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
4. Eye sexA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» said the doctor, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
5. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
6. A doctor, an engineer, and a politicianA doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. «Well,» argued the doctor, «without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession.» «No,» said the engineer, «before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create ... Читать далее...
7. Brain or muscles?The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. «Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,» he said. ... Читать далее...
8. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
9. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы rock hound[rock hound] {n.}, {slang} A person who studies and collects rocksfor a hobby. Many young rock hounds grow up to be geologists. Tony is an eager rock hound, and we have rocks all through ourhouse....
11. Перевод слова rockRock — скала, утес; рок Перевод слова To drill through rock — бурить по породе rock formation — горная система point of the rock — острый выступ скалы The door was solid as Rock. Дверь была прочной как скала. The Rock was dynamited. Скала была взорвана. He is a Rock star and teen idol. Он ... Читать далее...
12. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
13. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
14. A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole outA young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker. «Oh,» says the older priest, «give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents.»...
15. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
16. At the DoctorsAt the Doctor’s… — A young woman said to her doctor, «You have to help me, I hurt all over.» «What do you mean?» said the doctor. — The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, «Ow, that hurts.» — Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, «Ouch! That ... Читать далее...
17. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
18. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы look up to[look up to] {v.} To think of as a good example to copy;honor; respect. Mr. Smith had taught for many years, and all thestudents looked up to him. Young children look up to older ones, so older children should be good examples....
20. A fortunate twist of fateTwo brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. «How do you account for this?» he asked the brothers. «It’s hereditary, sir,» the older one replied. «I see,» said the doctor, writing in his file. «Your ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова bendBend — сгибать, гнуть Перевод слова To bend a bow — сгибать лук knee bend — коленный сгиб to bend one’s brows — хмурить брови Lee Bent and kissed her. Ли наклонился и поцеловал ее. The road Bends sharply to the left. Дорога резко поворачивает влево. I Bent down to lift the box off the ... Читать далее...
22. Geologist’s song 01The Geologist’s Come-All-Ye (a folksong) by Brenna Lorenz Come all ye lads and you will hear About the life that we love dear, Refrain: With our diddle-air-re-oh, falling rock away, knock it down, Fall-di-knock-a-rock-away, me laddie-oh! Geologists all bold and strong, We are the subject of this song. We get up with the rising sun ... Читать далее...
23. Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend. They hear her say, «Oh, Jim, you’re going where no man has gone before!» The six-year-old says to his brother, «He must be fucking her up the ass!»...
24. Значение идиомы drive one round the bend[drive one round the bend] {v. phr.}, {informal} To upset someone so much that they think they are going crazy. «Slow down, please,» Miss Jones cried. «You are driving me around the bend!» Contrast: DRIVE ONE APE, BANANAS, ETC....
25. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы rock’n’roll[rock’n’roll] or [rock and roll] {n.} A style of popular music withheavily accented rhythm. Rock’n’roll appeals mostly to youngstersnine to sixteen years old. Rock and roll became popular for dancesabout 1954....
27. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
28. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger ladyAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the ... Читать далее...
29. A large differenceA man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, «Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы grow on[grow on] or [grow upon] {v.} 1. To become stronger in; increase asa habit of. The habit of eating before going to bed grew uponJohn. 2. To become more interesting to or liked by. The more Jacksaw Mary, the more she grew on him. Football grew on Billy as hegrew older....
31. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
32. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marryAt the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied «Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one.»...
33. This man goes into the doctor with hisThis man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: «What happened to you?» He says: «I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!» Doctor: «But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!» He says «Aah ... Читать далее...
34. An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where theyAn old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the older man ... Читать далее...
35. An advantage of being with an older womanIf you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you....
36. Is there a doctor in the house?A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, «Please, is there a doctor in the house?!» Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, «Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?»...
37. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы acid rock[acid rock] {n.}, {slang} A characteristic kind of rock in which loudness and beat predominate over melody; especially such music as influenced by drug experiences. John is a regular acid rock freak....
39. Proffessional AcquantanceA well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, «Well, hello there Doc.» ... Читать далее...
40. There was a young man in the Air ForceThere was a young man in the Air Force who was so well — endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, «We’ll just take a big hunk off the end.» They discussed it ... Читать далее...