Bassoon

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1. BagpipesQ: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) — I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic ... Читать далее...
2. How many women with PMS does it take toQ: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this ... Читать далее...
3. Dogs and Light BulbsHow many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the ... Читать далее...
4. MusicianQ: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, «I can do that!» Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach ... Читать далее...
5. TubaQ: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm. Q: What’s a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2. Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who’s driving? A: The policeman Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. Q: ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова bulbBulb — луковица, электрическая лампочка Перевод слова Bulb of the hair — луковица волос bulb of eye — глазное яблоко frosted bulb — матовая лампочка The Bulb’s gone in the bathroom. В ванной перегорела лампочка. A light Bulb dangled from the ceiling. С потолка свисала электрическая лампочка. I’m not very practical — I can’t even ... Читать далее...
7. Jokes of science 03Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, «How much for a beer?» The bartender ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы go out[go out] {v. phr.} 1. To pass out of date or style. Short skirtsare gradually going out. 2. To stop giving off light or burning. Put more wood on the fire or it will go out. 3. To leave. When Icalled Sue, her mother said that she had just gone out....
9. Attempts by the dumbSIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN — August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) — Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы fire[fire] See: BALL OF FIRE, BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEAor BETWEEN TWO FIRES, BUILD A FIRE UNDER, BURNT CHILD DREADS THE FIRE, CATCH FIRE, DRAW FIRE, FAT’S IN THE FIRE, FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, HANGFIRE, HEAP COALS OF FIRE ON ONE’S HEAD, HOLD ONE’S FIRE or HOLD FIRE, IRON IN THE FIRE, ... Читать далее...
11. SaxophoneQ: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the ... Читать далее...
12. French hornQ: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
13. Want some chicken?A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы screw around[screw around] {v. phr.}, {vulgar}, {avoidable} To hang around idlywithout accomplishing anything, to loaf about, to beat or hack around. You guys are no longer welcome here; all you do is screw around allday....
15. Значение идиомы cross fire[cross fire] {n.} 1. Firing in a fight or battle from two or more places at once so that the lines of fire cross. The soldiers on the bridge were caught in the crossfire coming from both sides of the bridge. 2. Fast or angry talking back and forth between two or more people; also, ... Читать далее...
16. BassQ: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one — but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова screwScrew — шуруп, винт, гайка; завинчивать Перевод слова To screw on the cap — навинчивать крышку to ease off screw — ослаблять винт adjustable screw-wrench — раздвижной гаечный ключ The lid Screws onto the jar. Эта крышка навинчивается на банку. Screw the lid on clockwise. Закрутите крышку по часовой стрелке. Try and undo the Screw ... Читать далее...
18. Jokes of science 01At the physics exam: ‘Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.’ Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games? A: The ‘wave’. The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator. A student recognizes ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы after a while[after a while] {informal} or [in a while] {adv. phr.} Later, at some time in the future; after a time that is not short and not long. «Dad, will you help me make this model plane?» «After a while, Jimmy, when I finish reading the newspaper.» The boys gathered some wood, and in a while, ... Читать далее...
20. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder....
21. Значение идиомы burn up the road[burn up the road] {v. phr.}, {informal} To drive a car very fast. In his eagerness to see his girl again, he burned up the road on his way to see her. Speed demons burning up the road often cause accidents....
22. Значение идиомы set the pace[set the pace] {v. phr.} To decide on a rate of speed of travel orrules that are followed by others. The scoutmaster set the pace sothat the shorter boys would not get tired trying to keep up. Louise set the pace in selling tickets for the school play. -[pace-setter] {n.} John is the pace-setter of ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы at once[at once] {adv. phr.} 1. Without delay; right now or right then; immediately. Put a burning match next to a piece of paper and it will begin burning at once. Mother called the children to lunch, and Paul came at once, but Brenda stayed in the sand pile a little longer. Syn.: RIGHT AWAY or ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова chickenChicken — курица, курятина Перевод слова Casseroled chicken — запеченный цыпленок chicken manure — куриный помет chicken coop — курятник Don’t be such a Chicken! Не будь таким трусом! We cooked a whole Chicken. Мы варили курицу целиком. We barbecued Chicken and ribs. Мы жарили на гриле курицу и ребра....
25. There was this little boy who went in the whore houseThere was this little boy who went in the whore house with a dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the boy said «please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i have money thats ... Читать далее...
26. Georgia JokesGeorgia: We Put The «Fun» In Fundamentalist Extremism — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia ... Читать далее...
27. The Cesium song 05Cesium (Burning in the Dead of Night) (Tune, Blackbird) Cesium burning in the dead of night. Take your sky blue lines and start to shine. All my life, I was only waiting for the moment you were mine. Cesium burning on a lake of ice. Lift your glorious flame up to the skies. All your ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы have a screw loose[have a screw loose] {v. phr,}, {slang} To act in a strange way; tobe foolish. Now I know he has a screw loose — he stole a police carthis time. He was a smart man but had a screw loose and peoplethought him odd....
29. Значение идиомы cross one’s heart[cross one’s heart] or [cross one’s heart and hope to die] {v. phr.}, {informal} To say that what you have said is surely true; promise seriously that it is true. — Often used by children in the longer form. Children often make a sign of a cross over the heart as they say it, for ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы chicken switch[chicken switch] {n.}, {slang}, {Space English} 1. The emergency eject button used by test pilots in fast and high flying aircraft by means of which they can parachute to safety if the engine fails; later adopted by astronauts in space capsules. Don’t pull the chicken switch, unless absolutely necessary. 2. The panic button; a panicky ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы no spring chicken[no spring chicken] {n. phr.} A person who is no longer young. Even though she is no spring chicken anymore, men still turn theirheads to look at her....
32. Перевод слова woodWood — лес, древесина Перевод слова To carve a statue out of wood — вырезать статую из дерева chip of wood — щепка wood chips — опилки Her house was made of Wood. Ее дом был деревянным. Pine is a soft Wood. У сосны мягкая древесина. Some baseball bats are made out of Wood. Некоторые ... Читать далее...
33. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
34. After years of psychotherapyAfter years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified. «Why are you so afraid, you’re not a grain of wheat after all,» his friend asked. John replied, «You know it and I know it, but ... Читать далее...
35. Like to screw?It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,» he says. «That’s cool» says Bobby. Carrie’s ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы line of fire[line of fire] {n. phr.} The path that something fired or throwntakes. When the bandit and the police began to shoot, John wasalmost in their line of fire. Compare: CROSS FIRE....
37. The other day my house caught fireThe other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, «Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?» I said, «Fire and theft.» Insurance agent frowned. «Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.» Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house ... Читать далее...
38. GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
39. A man was driving through West VirginiaA man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, «I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?» The men answered, «Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw». He then asked, «What do you hunt and kill?» ... Читать далее...
40. Fire and FirefightersRebecca: Look, there’s Smoke coming from six Stories up. Hugh: Yes, I know. Didn’t you hear the Fire alarm go off upstairs a few minutes ago? Rebecca: No, but I’m really glad there’s a Fire station only a few blocks away. Hey look, there’s the Fire engine. Here come the Firefighters! Hugh: Yeah, let’s get ... Читать далее...