Baseball in Heaven

Related topics:

1. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of HeavenSt. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, «You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.» Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, «St. Peter, I spent ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова heavenHeaven — небеса, небо; царство небесное, рай Перевод слова The broad expanse of heaven — широкий свод небес a map of the heavens — карта звездного неба the kingdom of heaven — царство небесное The windows of Heaven opened. Разверзлись хляби небесные. Earth’s loveliness or Heaven’s sublimity. Красота земли или величавость небес. I would move ... Читать далее...
3. This guy was driving down the highwayThis guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, «Earl.» «You got a last name, Earl?» «Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.» «I got time.» Earl sighs and says, «Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl ... Читать далее...
4. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, «When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, «I would like to hear them say that I ... Читать далее...
5. The baseball demandsTop Baseball Player Demands From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994 In case anyone has od’ed on O. J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.] No team flights on Continental Airlines. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros. ... Читать далее...
6. Pick Heaven or HellOne day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. «Welcome to Heaven,» said St. Peter. «Before you get settled in though, it seems we have ... Читать далее...
7. Qualifying for HeavenRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
8. Fidel dies and goes to heavenFidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself ... Читать далее...
9. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
10. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heavenA pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: «You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы seventh heaven[seventh heaven] {n. phr.}, {literary} The pinnacle of happiness. We were in seventh heaven when the helicopter flew us over themagnificent Grand Canyon....
12. Значение идиомы move heaven and earth[move heaven and earth] {v. phr.} To try every way; do everythingyou can. Joe moved heaven and earth to be sent to Washington. Compare: LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED....
13. Marrying and divorcing in HeavenIt seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод сленгового выражения stink to high heaven, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: stink to high heaven Перевод: быть отвратительным или быть очень низкого качества Пример: That barnyard stinks to high heaven. Этот скотный двор воняет на несколько километров. Most Sylvester Stallone movies stink to high heaven — they’re just terrible! Большинство фильмов Сильвестра Сталлоне очень низкого качества — они просто ужасные!...
15. Get money to heavenA stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, «You can’t take it with you.» After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод идиомы seventh heaven, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: seventh heaven Перевод: седьмое небо; состояние сильного восхищения, удовольствия, наслаждения, и т. п. Пример: The girl has been in seventh heaven since she got the music award. Эта девушка на седьмом небе от счастья с тех пор, как получила музыкальную премию....
17. Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game ofBill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, «No, Mr. President! I said, Throw the first PITCH!»...
18. Entering into HeavenA man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, «Religion?» The man says, «Methodist.» St. Peter looks down his list, and says, «Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.» Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. «Religion?» «Baptist.» «Go to room 18, but be very quiet ... Читать далее...
19. Hillary goes to heavenHillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says «Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.» So Hillary sits down ... Читать далее...
20. Henry Ford dies and goes to heavenHenry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, «Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.» Ford thinks about it and says, «I wanna ... Читать далее...
21. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
22. Watch real baseballTop Ten Signs you’re Not Watching a Real Baseball Team From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995 You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip. They keep shouting «Do over!» When umpire yells, «Strike ... Читать далее...
23. Asking for Information About a CoworkerAmina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my ... Читать далее...
24. This fellow dies and goes to heavenThis fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: «Why are girls so pretty?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls soft?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls so dumb?» God: «So they’ll like you.»...
25. The Road to HeavenA man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to ... Читать далее...
26. Catch a drunk driverTwo rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said «Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!» «Don’t worry, Bubba,» Earl said. «We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel ... Читать далее...
27. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heavenWhen the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. «Sorry, old man,» Peter said, «But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.» «Oh, yes. I’ll never ... Читать далее...
28. Twenty men die and go to heavenTwenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first ... Читать далее...
29. Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, «I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a ... Читать далее...
30. BaseballBaseball is a nine-a-side game played with bat, ball, and glove, mainly in the U. S. A. Teams consist of a pitcher and catcher, called the battery, first, second, and third basemen, and shortstop, called the infield, and right, centre, and left fielders, called the outfield. Substitute players may enter the game at any time, ... Читать далее...
31. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
32. Baseball — БейсболBaseball is a nine-a-side game played with bat, ball, and glove, mainly in the U. S. A. Teams consist of a pitcher and catcher, called the battery, first, second, and third basemen, and shortstop, called the infield, and right, centre, and left fielders, called the outfield. Substitute players may enter the game at any time, ... Читать далее...
33. A lawyer passed on and found himself in HeavenA lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three ... Читать далее...
34. Good news and bad newsThe McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. «Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.» «The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago» «The good news ... Читать далее...
35. ViolinQ: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving. Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don’t play. Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a ... Читать далее...
36. Making a ComebackEileen: What are you doing with all that Band equipment? Dex: The guys in the band are planning a Reunion. It’s time for our Comeback. It will be the Stuff of legends! Eileen: Aren’t you afraid of being called Has-beens after all these years? Dex: Bite your tongue. There is a Groundswell of support for ... Читать далее...
37. I HAD A BAD DAYIt was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at ... Читать далее...
38. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
39. Mom and Dad were trying to console SusieMom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. «You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.» Susie, still crying, said «What would God want with a dead dog?»...
40. It finally happenedA man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, «I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?» So Saint Peter thought about it a ... Читать далее...