An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn’t find any money. Well, a couple of hours later the old laty got home and when she saw what had happened to her house she immediately called the police. When the officer on the other end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was she simply replied «yes officer someone broke into my house, took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my pussy.
Sent by BIG GUY
Белорусская кухня на английском языке тема.
Protection of nature in ukraine.
Related topics:
- Значение идиомы lady of the house[lady of the house] {n. phr.} Female owner, or wife of the owner, of the house; the hostess. «Dinner is served,» the lady of thehouse announced to her guests....
- A little boy and his dad are standing in lineA little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, «hey dad, look how fat that lady is!» «Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.» «But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!» «Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!» ... Читать далее...
- This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stopThis old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says «You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова groceryGrocery — бакалейная лавка, бакалея Перевод слова To be in the grocery business — торговать бакалейными товарами grocery goods — бакалейные товары bookkeeper in a grocery — счетовод в бакалейной лавке grocery store — бакалейный магазин I’ll swing by the Grocery store on my way. Я заскочу в продуктовый магазин по пути. I make weekly ... Читать далее...
- A very modest lady applied for a jobA very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made «Tickle me Elmo dolls». It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls ... Читать далее...
- A lady was in a hardware store looking atA lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said ‘I am blind drop it on the ground and i’ll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground.’Aahh that’s 10.00.’ She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
- Passing a parrotA lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, «Hey lady, you are really ugly.» Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same ... Читать далее...
- A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
- A little old lady buys a pair of parrotsA little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t ... Читать далее...
- The crowded storeIt was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be ... Читать далее...
- Пословица / поговорка a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady Перевод: робкому сердцу не завоевать прекрасной дамы (т. е. робость мешает успеху) Эквивалент в русском языке: смелость города берет Пример: The man must be more aggressive if he wants to find a girlfriend. He should remember that a ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы lady-killer[lady-killer] {n.}, {informal} 1. Any man who has strong sex appealtoward women. Joe is a regular lady-killer. 2. A man whorelentlessly pursues amorous conquests, is successful at it, and thenabandons his heartbroken victims. The legendary Don Juan of Spainis the most famous lady-killer of recorded history. Compare: LADY’SMAN....
- Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
- A lady goes in to take a tennis lessonA lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says «OK,, just grip it like you do your husband’s member». After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor ... Читать далее...
- The young lady admired the watch in the store windowThe young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, «Just how much is that watch?» «It’s $2000, ma’am.» «Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?» «Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?» «I ... Читать далее...
- Amicable old lady«Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old ... Читать далее...
- An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
- Дом моей мечты/ House of my DreamНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык House of my Dream Дом моей мечты My name is Tatyana. I am thirteen years old. My parents and I often move from town to town. Both my parents are geologists; they research the types of mineral deposits. I have lived in seven towns of Russia and I ... Читать далее...
- A young lady had just visited her doctorA young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The ... Читать далее...
- My duties about the houseВ топике Мои обязанности по дому я рассказываю о том, что именно я делаю, чтобы помочь своим родителям, так как работы по дому всегда достаточно. Мне нравится помогать своим родителям и в саду, а еще я часто помогаю своему брату делать уроки. My name is…… I am 17 years old. I have already finished my ... Читать далее...
- A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swimA shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest. Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, «Lady, if ... Читать далее...
- Is there a doctor in the house?A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, «Please, is there a doctor in the house?!» Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, «Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?»...
- There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
- A very religious man lived right next door to an atheistA very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы house detective[house detective] {n.} A detective employed by a hotel, store, orother business to watch for any trouble. The one-armed man sweepingthe bank floor was really the house detective....
- Значение идиомы lady’s man[lady’s man] {n.} A man or boy who likes to be with women or girlsvery much and is popular with them. Charlie is quite a lady’s mannow....
- An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenlyAn Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, «Do you smell something?» «Why, yes, I do,» he replied. «What ... Читать далее...
- A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
- This lady who was living in New York City had to get backThis lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. «Please I need to get back to England» she pleaded. «If you sneak me ... Читать далее...
- A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
- Значение идиомы house of ill fame[house of ill fame] or [of ill repute] {n. phr.} A bordello; abrothel. At the edge of town there is a house of ill repute run bya Madame who used to be a singer in a bar....
- Mrs. Jones is having her house paintedMrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, «You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?» He sighs and says, «Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. ... Читать далее...
- A lady from California purchased a piece of timber landA lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that ... Читать далее...
- An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
- Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы dose out[dose out] {v.} To sell the whole of; end by selling all the goods; also, to sell your stock and stop doing business. The store dosed out its stock of garden supplies. Mr. Jones dosed out his grocery. Mr. Randall was losing money in his shoe store, so he decided to dose out....
- Значение идиомы house[house] See: BOARDING HOUSE REACH, BRING DOWN THE HOUSE, PUN HOUSE, HASH HOUSE, KEEP HOUSE, ON THE HOUSE, PARISH HOUSE, PEOPLE WHO LIVE INGLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES, PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES orPLAGUE O’ BOTH YOUR HOUSES, PUT ONE’S HOUSE IN ORDER or SET ONE’SHOUSE TN ORDER....
- The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова houseHouse — дом, здание, жилище Перевод слова Apartment house — многоквартирный дом house arrest — домашний арест at John’s house — у Джона Get out of my House! Убирайтесь из моего дома! I lost my House keys. Я потерял ключи от дома. A snail carries its own House. Улитка несет свой дом на спине....
An old lady lived by herself in a small house