An American woman and an Iranian woman

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1. Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field when one of them picked up two huge potatoes and said “These potatoes remind me of Emil’s balls” “Are they that big?” asked the other. “No they’re this dirty.”...
2. The man approached the very beautiful woman The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”...
3. A woman selling apples in New York A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to […]...
4. Two men and one woman Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 […]...
5. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
6. Перевод слова American American – американский, американец Перевод слова American states – американские государства; страны американского континента American colonies – английские колонии в Северной Америке of American make – американского производства Her mother is American. Ее мать – американка. She spoke with an American accent. Она говорила с американским акцентом. Интересные факты Обратите внимание, что в английском языке […]...
7. Перевод слова woman Woman – женщина Перевод слова A woman with history – женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight – необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman – привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman – смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She […]...
8. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m […]...
9. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for […]...
10. The American in Hong Kong The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. “Get this…” he chuckled, “That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he’s made love to every woman in the building except one.” “Hmmmmmmmmm,” said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, “must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor.”...
11. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
12. Iraqi vs. American Average Iraqi Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors Average American Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park Average Iraqi Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation Average American Willing to participate in People’s Choice […]...
13. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.” Guy says: “An alligator?” Woman says: “Close enough”...
14. A tall woman met a midget at a party A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size […]...
15. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with […]...
16. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
17. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
18. The woman’s secret At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the […]...
19. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
20. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
21. An American was waiting on a London street corner An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. “A bit airy, isn’t it?” remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, “‘Ell yes! What did you expect – feathers?!”...
22. The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. “Do you have something in mind?” she asked. “I certainly do, ma’am,” the American emphatically replied. “That’s why I want a […]...
23. A woman and her lover are on the bed A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. “Oh, no, it’s my husband!” The man says, “Where’s your back door?” “We don’t have a back door” says the woman. The man then asks, “Well, where do you […]...
24. An American tourist is visiting China An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: “How large is the population here?” “Around 1.5 billion” – the guide answers American, After a short pause: “So, what else do you do here?”...
25. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by […]...
26. An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute tits....
27. A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same […]...
28. A woman consulted a doctor A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, […]...
29. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams “We’re going to […]...
30. A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. “Congratulations,” said the nurse, “but don’t you think this is enough?” The woman replied, “Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.”...
31. Using nails on a house These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over […]...
32. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
33. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
34. Значение идиомы American plan [American plan] {n.} A system of hotel management in which meals are included with the room, as opposed to the European plan that does not include meals. American tourists in Europe sometimes expect that their meals will be included, because they are used to the American plan....
35. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?” The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy […]...
36. This woman goes into a dentist’s office This woman goes into a dentist’s office, after he is through examining her he says: “I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth.” The woman then says with anticipated agony, “Ooooohhhh, I’d rather have a baby!” To which the dentist replies: “Well make up your mind. […]...
37. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband – he thinks he’s a refrigerator!” “I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. “Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.” “But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. “He sleeps with his mouth open, […]...
38. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
39. A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.” Confounded at the woman’s thrift, […]...
40. A political man to a woman A political man to a woman, “You look beautiful today!!!!” The woman replied, “Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.” “Sure you could!!” said the political man, “if you could lie as well as I do!”...