An accountant is having a hard time sleeping

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1. Having Trouble Sleeping Luis: So, how are the Newlyweds doing? Stevie: Oh, we’re great. I’m just a little tired. Luis: Well, that Goes with the territory, right? Stevie: No, that’s not what I mean. Patrick has been keeping me up with his Snoring. Luis: Oh, that’s a Bummer. Stevie: Yeah, it really is. I’m usually Awakened soon after […]...
2. Accountant and farmer A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock”. The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big […]...
3. Sleeping on the job Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 15. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” 14. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.” 13. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper” […]...
4. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
5. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, “I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?” The accountant replies, “Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess […]...
6. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
7. Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. “No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. “I’ve had […]...
8. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the […]...
9. Scared sleeping Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two […]...
10. Пословица / поговорка let sleeping dogs lie – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: let sleeping dogs lie Перевод: спящего пса не буди Эквивалент в русском языке: не буди лиха, пока лихо спит Пример: “You should let sleeping dogs lie and not ask your friend for the money that he owes you.” Не стоит будить спящего пса, и не нужно просить у своего друга денег, которые […]...
11. A woman came to the psychiatrist worried A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. “Doctor,” she said, “I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?” “Easy,” said the doctor. “Just take the carpet off the […]...
12. A use for Viagra A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?” “No problem at […]...
13. Значение идиомы sleep out [sleep out] {v.} 1. To sleep outdoors. The Scouts plan to sleepout next Saturday. 2. To go home at night instead of sleeping at theplace where you work. Mrs. Jones’ maid sleeps in, but her cooksleeps out....
14. Your Ancestors Didn’t Sleep Like You Ok, maybe your grandparents probably slept like you. And your great, great-grandparents. But once you go back before the 1800s, sleep starts to look a lot different. Your ancestors slept in a way that modern sleepers would find bizarre – they slept twice. And so can you. The History The existence of our sleeping twice […]...
15. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
16. Значение идиомы let sleeping dogs lie [let sleeping dogs lie] Do not make angry and causetrouble or danger; do not make trouble if you do not have to. – Aproverb. Don’t tell Father that you broke the window. Let sleepingdogs lie....
17. Taking Prescription Drugs Paula: Okay, I’m off to bed. Marcus: Wait a second. Where are you going with all of those Pill bottles? Paula: My doctor Prescribed a couple of Medications to help me sleep. Marcus: Let me see those. You have four different medications here. This is a Painkiller, this is a Sedative, this is a Tranquilizer, […]...
18. Перевод слова sheep Sheep – овца, баран Перевод слова Sheep farm – овцеферма to tend a flock of sheep – пасти стадо овец a sheep among wolves – овечка среди волков A young Sheep is a lamb. Детеныш овцы – ягненок. Sheep are tended by a shepherd. Овец пасет пастух. The meat of the Sheep is mutton. Мясо […]...
19. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
20. Using Caffeine as a Stimulant Joan: Hi, how are you? What are you doing? What is this? Roberto: Whoa! You’re very High-strung this morning. Joan: Am I? I am a little Wired. I’ve been Up all night trying to finish an assignment for one of my classes. Roberto: You don’t seem tired at all for having been up all night. […]...
21. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying […]...
22. YOUR BRAIN STAYS HALF AWAKE WHEN YOU SLEEP IN A NEW PLACE If you’ve ever slept in a hotel, gone camping, or even slept over at a friend’s pad, chances are you’ve woken up the next day feeling groggy and bleary-eyed. Even if you don’t remember tossing and turning, you probably felt pretty tired the next day. Well, that’s because nature dies hard. When we sleep in […]...
23. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
24. The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that […]...
25. A dyslexic nurse Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. “She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!” The […]...
26. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
27. The Mystery of Dreams What is a dream? The dictionary defines this word as ‘a series of thoughts, images, and feelings that you experience when you are asleep’. In other words dreams are imaginary sleeping visions. People spend one third of their lives asleep but they don’t fully understand the purpose of dreams. Freud believed that dreams are people’s […]...
28. Being an Early or Late Riser Spiro: Hey, Watch out! Nancy: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. I thought I would be the only person Up at the crack of dawn. What are you doing sitting on the Stoop at this Ungodly hour? Spiro: I’m trying To turn over a new leaf. Nancy: What do you mean? Spiro: I’m […]...
29. Значение идиомы sleep on [sleep on] {v.} To postpone a decision about. We asked Judy ifshe would join our club and she answered that she would sleep on it. We will have to sleep on your invitation until we know whether wewill be free Monday night....
30. Значение идиомы countdown [countdown] {n.}. {Space English}, {informal} 1. A step-by-step process which leads to the launching of a rocket. Countdown starts at 23:00 hours tomorrow night and continues for 24 hours. 2. Process of counting inversely during the acts leading to a launch; liftoff occurs at zero. 3. The time immediately preceding an important undertaking, borrowed from […]...
31. Перевод идиомы sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top Перевод: спать крепким, здоровым сном Пример: I slept like a log last night. Прошлой ночью я спал, как убитый....
32. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
33. Значение идиомы put to sleep [put to sleep] {v. phr.} 1. To cause to fall asleep. Mother usedto put us to sleep by telling us a good-night story and giving us akiss. 2. To kill with an injection. Dr. Murphy, the veterinarian, put our sick, old dog to sleep....
34. Перевод слова mistake Mistake – ошибка, ошибаться, заблуждаться Перевод слова Costly mistake – ошибка, которая дорого обошлась ghastly mistake – грубая ошибка to mistake the time – спутать время Anyone can make a Mistake. Кто угодно может совершить ошибку. You are Mistaken. Вы ошибаетесь. Never mind your Mistake. Не беспокойтесь о своей ошибке....
35. Значение идиомы waiting room [waiting room] {n. phr.} The sitting area in a doctor’s, lawyer’s, accountant’s, etc. office, or in a hospital, or other workplace, wherepeople wait their turn. Some doctor’s offices have elegantlyfurnished waiting rooms with magazines, newspapers, and coffee for thepatients....
36. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
37. Значение идиомы sleep a wink [sleep a wink] {v. phr.} To get a moment’s sleep; enjoy a bit ofsleep. – Used in negative and conditional statements and in questions. I didn’t sleep a wink all night....
38. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
39. Hiring an accountant Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?” “Twenty-two,” Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to […]...
40. In the back woods of Arkansas In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” […]...