An accountant is having a hard time sleeping

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1. Having Trouble SleepingLuis: So, how are the Newlyweds doing? Stevie: Oh, we’re great. I’m just a little tired. Luis: Well, that Goes with the territory, right? Stevie: No, that’s not what I mean. Patrick has been keeping me up with his Snoring. Luis: Oh, that’s a Bummer. Stevie: Yeah, it really is. I’m usually Awakened soon after ... Читать далее...
2. Accountant and farmerA man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, «I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock». The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big ... Читать далее...
3. Sleeping on the jobThings To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 15. «They told me at the blood bank this might happen.» 14. «This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.» 13. «Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper» ... Читать далее...
4. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
5. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlementA nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, «I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?» The accountant replies, «Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess ... Читать далее...
6. Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, «I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a ... Читать далее...
7. Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fightSleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. «I am the most beautiful person in the world,» proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. «No, you’re not,» answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. «I am the smallest person in the world,» shouted Tom Thumb. «No, you’re not,» said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. «I’ve had ... Читать далее...
8. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
9. Scared sleepingShakey went to a psychiatrist. «Doc,» he said, «I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. «you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!» «Just put yourself in my hands for two ... Читать далее...
10. Пословица / поговорка let sleeping dogs lie — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: let sleeping dogs lie Перевод: спящего пса не буди Эквивалент в русском языке: не буди лиха, пока лихо спит Пример: «You should let sleeping dogs lie and not ask your friend for the money that he owes you.» Не стоит будить спящего пса, и не нужно просить у своего друга денег, которые ... Читать далее...
11. A woman came to the psychiatrist worriedA woman came to the psychiatrist worried. «Doctor,» she said, «I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?» «Easy,» said the doctor. «Just take the carpet off the ... Читать далее...
12. A use for ViagraA man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. «How are you grandpa?» he asks. «Feeling fine,» says the old man. «What’s the food like?» «Terrific, wonderful menus.» «And the nursing?» «Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.» «What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?» «No problem at ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы sleep out[sleep out] {v.} 1. To sleep outdoors. The Scouts plan to sleepout next Saturday. 2. To go home at night instead of sleeping at theplace where you work. Mrs. Jones’ maid sleeps in, but her cooksleeps out....
14. Your Ancestors Didn’t Sleep Like YouOk, maybe your grandparents probably slept like you. And your great, great-grandparents. But once you go back before the 1800s, sleep starts to look a lot different. Your ancestors slept in a way that modern sleepers would find bizarre — they slept twice. And so can you. The History The existence of our sleeping twice ... Читать далее...
15. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he wentPaddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы let sleeping dogs lie[let sleeping dogs lie] Do not make angry and causetrouble or danger; do not make trouble if you do not have to. — Aproverb. Don’t tell Father that you broke the window. Let sleepingdogs lie....
17. Taking Prescription DrugsPaula: Okay, I’m off to bed. Marcus: Wait a second. Where are you going with all of those Pill bottles? Paula: My doctor Prescribed a couple of Medications to help me sleep. Marcus: Let me see those. You have four different medications here. This is a Painkiller, this is a Sedative, this is a Tranquilizer, ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова sheepSheep — овца, баран Перевод слова Sheep farm — овцеферма to tend a flock of sheep — пасти стадо овец a sheep among wolves — овечка среди волков A young Sheep is a lamb. Детеныш овцы — ягненок. Sheep are tended by a shepherd. Овец пасет пастух. The meat of the Sheep is mutton. Мясо ... Читать далее...
19. A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
20. Using Caffeine as a StimulantJoan: Hi, how are you? What are you doing? What is this? Roberto: Whoa! You’re very High-strung this morning. Joan: Am I? I am a little Wired. I’ve been Up all night trying to finish an assignment for one of my classes. Roberto: You don’t seem tired at all for having been up all night. ... Читать далее...
21. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want adFresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. «I need someone with an accounting degree,» the man said. «But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying ... Читать далее...
22. YOUR BRAIN STAYS HALF AWAKE WHEN YOU SLEEP IN A NEW PLACEIf you’ve ever slept in a hotel, gone camping, or even slept over at a friend’s pad, chances are you’ve woken up the next day feeling groggy and bleary-eyed. Even if you don’t remember tossing and turning, you probably felt pretty tired the next day. Well, that’s because nature dies hard. When we sleep in ... Читать далее...
23. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
24. The Wolf in Sheep’s ClothingA Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that ... Читать далее...
25. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
26. The Mystery of DreamsWhat is a dream? The dictionary defines this word as ‘a series of thoughts, images, and feelings that you experience when you are asleep’. In other words dreams are imaginary sleeping visions. People spend one third of their lives asleep but they don’t fully understand the purpose of dreams. Freud believed that dreams are people’s ... Читать далее...
27. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
28. Being an Early or Late RiserSpiro: Hey, Watch out! Nancy: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. I thought I would be the only person Up at the crack of dawn. What are you doing sitting on the Stoop at this Ungodly hour? Spiro: I’m trying To turn over a new leaf. Nancy: What do you mean? Spiro: I’m ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы sleep on[sleep on] {v.} To postpone a decision about. We asked Judy ifshe would join our club and she answered that she would sleep on it. We will have to sleep on your invitation until we know whether wewill be free Monday night....
30. Значение идиомы countdown[countdown] {n.}. {Space English}, {informal} 1. A step-by-step process which leads to the launching of a rocket. Countdown starts at 23:00 hours tomorrow night and continues for 24 hours. 2. Process of counting inversely during the acts leading to a launch; liftoff occurs at zero. 3. The time immediately preceding an important undertaking, borrowed from ... Читать далее...
31. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод идиомы sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top Перевод: спать крепким, здоровым сном Пример: I slept like a log last night. Прошлой ночью я спал, как убитый....
33. Перевод слова mistakeMistake — ошибка, ошибаться, заблуждаться Перевод слова Costly mistake — ошибка, которая дорого обошлась ghastly mistake — грубая ошибка to mistake the time — спутать время Anyone can make a Mistake. Кто угодно может совершить ошибку. You are Mistaken. Вы ошибаетесь. Never mind your Mistake. Не беспокойтесь о своей ошибке....
34. Значение идиомы put to sleep[put to sleep] {v. phr.} 1. To cause to fall asleep. Mother usedto put us to sleep by telling us a good-night story and giving us akiss. 2. To kill with an injection. Dr. Murphy, the veterinarian, put our sick, old dog to sleep....
35. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
36. Значение идиомы waiting room[waiting room] {n. phr.} The sitting area in a doctor’s, lawyer’s, accountant’s, etc. office, or in a hospital, or other workplace, wherepeople wait their turn. Some doctor’s offices have elegantlyfurnished waiting rooms with magazines, newspapers, and coffee for thepatients....
37. Значение идиомы sleep a wink[sleep a wink] {v. phr.} To get a moment’s sleep; enjoy a bit ofsleep. — Used in negative and conditional statements and in questions. I didn’t sleep a wink all night....
38. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
39. Hiring an accountantKowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, «What is three times seven?» «Twenty-two,» Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to ... Читать далее...
40. A hundred dollarsA man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. «Out drinking again!?» she says. «How much money did you spend this time?» «$100,» answers the man. «$100!» she shouts. «That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!» «Easy for you ... Читать далее...