Accountant and farmer

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1. The Boy Who Cried WolfA shepherd-boy, who watched a flock of sheep near a village, brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out, «Wolf! Wolf!» and when his neighbors came to help him, laughed at them for their pains. The Wolf, however, did truly come at last. The Shepherd-boy, now really alarmed, shouted in an agony ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова sheepSheep — овца, баран Перевод слова Sheep farm — овцеферма to tend a flock of sheep — пасти стадо овец a sheep among wolves — овечка среди волков A young Sheep is a lamb. Детеныш овцы — ягненок. Sheep are tended by a shepherd. Овец пасет пастух. The meat of the Sheep is mutton. Мясо ... Читать далее...
3. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheepFarmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, «My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?» The farmer says, «I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to ... Читать далее...
4. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
5. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
6. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
7. The Wolf in Sheep’s ClothingA Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that ... Читать далее...
8. An accountant is having a hard time sleepingAn accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. «Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.» «Have you tried counting sheep?» «That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.»...
9. Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, «I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a ... Читать далее...
10. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlementA nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, «I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?» The accountant replies, «Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess ... Читать далее...
11. A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty yearsA farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. «No! I’m not doing it anymore!» ... Читать далее...
12. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
13. Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamentingTwo drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, «I just ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова flockFlock — стадо, стая, толпа; скапливаться Перевод слова A flock of wild ducks — стая диких уток a flock of visitors — толпа посетителей to flock about smb. — толпиться вокруг кого-л. The crowd Flocked around the speaker. Вокруг выступающего собралась толпа. We see an immense Flock of geese making up the stream. Мы видим ... Читать далее...
15. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider thisHusband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова countrysideCountryside — сельская местность, деревня Перевод слова Depopulation of the countryside — бегство из деревни wander over the countryside — исходить всю местность amenities of the countryside — преимущества сельской жизни Her college is set in the Countryside. Ее колледж находится в сельской местности. I keep a car in the Countryside. Я держу автомобиль в ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод идиомы road hog, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: road hog Перевод: дорожный хам (человек, занимающий большую часть дороги и мешающий проезду) Пример: «Look at that road hog driving in the middle of the road and stopping other drivers from passing him.» Посмотри на этого чудака, едет посередине дороги и не дает другим водителям обогнать его....
18. The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the fieldThe Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: «Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.» The CO said «I see millions of stars.» 1st Sgt.: «And what does that tell you, sir?» CO: Astronomically, it tells ... Читать далее...
19. Steven Wright on dogsThe other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова exactExact — точный, строгий, пунктуальный Перевод слова Exact meaning — точный смысл, точное значение exact translation — точный перевод he is exact in business — в делах на него можно положиться Their grey hair Exacts of us a particular respect. Их седины требуют от нас особого уважения. The timing had to be Exact. Сроки должны ... Читать далее...
21. Hiring an accountantKowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, «What is three times seven?» «Twenty-two,» Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to ... Читать далее...
22. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he wentPaddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have ... Читать далее...
23. Texan’s guide to lifeNever squat with yer spurs on. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works. Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Never ... Читать далее...
24. A hot mealTwo starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town. they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he will wait. after the first man has eaten his ... Читать далее...
25. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова hugeHuge — громадный, гигантский Перевод слова Huge eater — обжора huge sleeper — соня huge difference — колоссальное различие huge debts — огромные долги The new system has made a Huge difference. Новая система — совсем другое дело. My dad’s got a Huge record collection. У моего папы огромная коллекция аудиозаписей. There is a Huge ... Читать далее...
27. Chemistry song 11Chemistry Wonderland Gases explode, are you listenin’ In your rest tube, silver glistens A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. Gone away, is the buoyancy Here to stay, is the density A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. In the beaker we will make lead carbonate and ... Читать далее...
28. A farmer and his girlfriendA farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. «Boy,» said the farmer, «that sure makes me want to do the same.» «Well, go ahead,» said his girlfriend. «It’s your cow.»...
29. Значение идиомы road[road] See: ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME, BURN UP THE ROAD, END OF THEROAD, GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD, HIT THE ROAD, HUG THE ROAD, MIDDLE OFTHE ROAD, ON THE ROAD....
30. Old farmer Johnson was dyingOld farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife, «Maude, when I’m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.» «Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!» Maude replies. «But I want you to, Maude.» «But why?» Maude asks. «Because ... Читать далее...
31. A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who wereA farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, «I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?» No. The second beau came to the door and said, «I’m Joe, I’m here to pick ... Читать далее...
32. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
33. A farmer walked into an attorney officeA farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, «May I help you?» The farmer said, «Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.» The attorney said, «well do you have any grounds?» The farmer said, «Yea, I got about 140 acres.» The attorney said, » No, ... Читать далее...
34. A farmer comes home with a lively young bullA farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw ... Читать далее...
35. TromboneQ: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you ... Читать далее...
36. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering holeFarmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. «Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling ... Читать далее...
37. Three wishesIt was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig’s ass popping out. The first man says, «I wish that was Demi Moore’s Ass» The second man says, «I wish that was Pamela Anderson’s Ass.» Then the third man says, «I wish ... Читать далее...
38. Parking InstructionsI arrived for my meeting at the headquarters of Woon Enterprises and I stopped at the Kiosk to ask for directions. It’s a huge organization and the offices are located on a 30-acre Compound, so it’s very hard To find your way around Without some help. Guard: Good morning. Edyta: Good morning. I’m here for ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы wolf in sheep’s clothing[wolf in sheep’s clothing] {n. phr.} A person who pretends to begood but really is bad. Mrs. Martin trusted the lawyer until sherealized that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mr. Black wasfooled by the salesman’s manners until he showed that he was really awolf in sheep’s clothing by selling Mr. Black a car ... Читать далее...
40. A jealous husband hires a private detectiveA jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all ... Читать далее...