A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her

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1. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
2. Перевод слова superior Superior – высший, лучший, превосходный Перевод слова Superior intellect – высокий интеллект superior air – выражение превосходства superior smile – надменная улыбка superior limbs – верхние конечности, руки Your computer is far Superior to mine. Ваш компьютер намного превосходит мой. He says he obeys Superior orders. Он говорит, что подчиняется приказам “сверху”. No one is […]...
3. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, “You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.” Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, I spent […]...
4. A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […]...
5. Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
6. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
7. Trumpet Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, “I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist […]...
8. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”...
9. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
10. A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, […]...
11. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
12. An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has […]...
13. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: “Oh dear, what happened to you?” Di answers: “I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse”. Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: “My God, you look terrible.” Dodi […]...
14. Policemen in Heaven St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, […]...
15. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
16. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: “You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in […]...
17. Entering into Heaven A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Baptist.” “Go to room 18, but be very quiet […]...
18. Перевод слова mother Mother – мама Перевод слова The loss of his mother – смерть матери foster mother – приемная мать single mother – мать-одиночка Mary pictures her Mother. Мэри очень похожа на мать. He misses his Mother. Он скучает по своей матери. Mother sends her love. Мама передает привет....
19. A mother was teaching her three year old daughter A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, […]...
20. Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, “What did you do on Earth?” Man #1: I was a doctor. St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates. St. P.: And what did you do on Earth? Man #2: I was a school teacher. […]...
21. A young man asks his father A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?” The father, surprised, answers: “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, […]...
22. About My Mother – О моей маме My mother;s name is Valentina Ivanovna Petrenko. She is forty years old. But to my mind she looks much younger. My father and I think that she is a very beautiful woman. Mom is not tall, but she has a fine figure. Father says she is still as slim as she was in her youth. […]...
23. A cure for atheism A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell. “Marry him anyway, dear.” the Mother said. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.”...
24. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
25. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says “Look Momma, I’m a white boy.” His mother slaps him hard On the face and says “Boy, go show your Daddy.” The […]...
26. A Jewish Mother Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I […]...
27. A man calls his mother in Florida A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,”says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son says, “Why are you so weak?” She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The man says, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, “Because I didn’t […]...
28. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
29. My Mother – Моя мама My mother’s name is Catherine. Her second name is Vladimirovna and the last name of my mom is Kruchinina. My mom is the best mother in the world. She is 41. My mom is a teacher. She works at school number 85. In the childhood, my mom was a very clever girl. She knew everything. […]...
30. Fidel dies and goes to heaven Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself […]...
31. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
32. Значение идиомы flesh and blood [flesh and blood] {n.} 1. A close relative ; close relatives. Used in the phrase “one’s own flesh andblood”. Such an answer from her – and she’s my own flesh and blood, too! 2. The appearance of being real or alive. The author doesn’tgive his characters any flesh and blood. 3. The human body. Beforechild […]...
33. The seven dwarves were in Rome The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. “Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?” “Sorry”, she replies, “but there are no dwarf nuns here”. “Well, are there any in the city?”. “No, there are no dwarf nuns”. […]...
34. Describing Family Relations Eri: What’s that? James: It’s an invitation to a Family reunion. Once every five years or so, someone in the family organizes one. Eri: Are you going? James: I’m not sure. It’s always a little awkward seeing Extended family. Did you know that there used to be a big Feud between my father and his […]...
35. My Mother’s Birthday – День рождения моей мамы Last month my mother had her birthday. My father decided to throw a surprise party for her. Two weeks, before the event he booked a room in my mother’s favourite cafe. And then my father began to invite our relatives and friends. Of course, that was a great secret. It was sometimes difficult to keep […]...
36. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
37. Перевод слова flesh Flesh – тело, плоть, сырое мясо Перевод слова To lose flesh – худеть wolves live on flesh – волки питаются мясом to mortify the flesh – умерщвлять плоть The spirit indeed is willing, but the Flesh is weak. Дух бодр, плоть же немощна. Raw Flesh is generally regarded as more difficult of digestion than boiled […]...
38. It finally happened A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, “I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?” So Saint Peter thought about it a […]...
39. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
40. My Family I am Zhilin Andrey. Andrey is my name and Zhilin is my surname. I am seventeen years old. I want to tell you a few words about my family. My family is not large. I have got mother, father and grandmother. There are four of us in the family. First of all some words about […]...