A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her

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1. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting withThe Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, «I want to be a prostitute.» The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова superiorSuperior — высший, лучший, превосходный Перевод слова Superior intellect — высокий интеллект superior air — выражение превосходства superior smile — надменная улыбка superior limbs — верхние конечности, руки Your computer is far Superior to mine. Ваш компьютер намного превосходит мой. He says he obeys Superior orders. Он говорит, что подчиняется приказам «сверху». No one is ... Читать далее...
3. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of HeavenSt. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, «You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.» Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, «St. Peter, I spent ... Читать далее...
4. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
5. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one dayFather, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, «Mummy, what is that long thing?» His mother replies, «That, son, ... Читать далее...
6. An old sailing ship is becalmed at seaAn old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has ... Читать далее...
7. Christmas flavorThree men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas ... Читать далее...
8. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. PeterLady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: «Oh dear, what happened to you?» Di answers: «I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse». Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: «My God, you look terrible.» Dodi ... Читать далее...
9. Three men die in a plane crash and are waitingThree men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, «What did you do on Earth?» Man #1: I was a doctor. St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates. St. P.: And what did you do on Earth? Man #2: I was a school teacher. ... Читать далее...
10. A young man asks his fatherA young man asks his father, «Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?» The father, surprised, answers: «Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, ... Читать далее...
11. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
12. Entering into HeavenA man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, «Religion?» The man says, «Methodist.» St. Peter looks down his list, and says, «Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.» Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. «Religion?» «Baptist.» «Go to room 18, but be very quiet ... Читать далее...
13. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
14. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks herA guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, «how much?» she replies, «$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.» He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, «it’s my hairdresser’s fee!»...
15. The seven dwarves were in RomeThe three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. «Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?» «Sorry», she replies, «but there are no dwarf nuns here». «Well, are there any in the city?». «No, there are no dwarf nuns». ... Читать далее...
16. Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asksPappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, «Where ya going boy?» The son smiled and replied, «I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.» The Father said, «When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.» «Sure Pa, I know.» the boy said. «And look what you got!»...
17. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы will not hear of[will not hear of] {v. phr.} Will not allow or consider, refuseattention to or permission for. I want to go to the show tonight, but I know my mother will not hear of it. Mary needs another dayto finish her book report, but the teacher won’t hear of any delay. John’s father told him he ... Читать далее...
19. The little boy comes home from school and asks momThe little boy comes home from school and asks mom, «Where do babies come from?» Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, «From the stork of course!» The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, «But mom, who fucks the stork?»...
20. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
21. An old man goes to a church, and is making a confessionAn old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a ... Читать далее...
22. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
23. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
24. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
25. Nuns First Hot DogNuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, «I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.» «Odd,» her companion replies, «but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.» Nodding emphatically, the ... Читать далее...
26. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughterA mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: «What does the cow say?» Child: «Moooo!» Mother: «Great! What does the cat say?» Child: «Meow.» Mother: «Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?» And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, «Bud.»...
27. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asksLittle Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. «Nah,» says Johnny, «what else do ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова motherMother — мама Перевод слова The loss of his mother — смерть матери foster mother — приемная мать single mother — мать-одиночка Mary pictures her Mother. Мэри очень похожа на мать. He misses his Mother. Он скучает по своей матери. Mother sends her love. Мама передает привет....
29. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heavenA pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: «You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in ... Читать далее...
30. Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with theirTwo Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, «Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.» The Father said, «Tell me who ... Читать далее...
31. A mother was teaching her three year old daughterA mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…»And lead us not into temptation», she prayed, ... Читать далее...
32. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her motherOne day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, «Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her ... Читать далее...
33. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
34. A cure for atheismA young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell. «Marry him anyway, dear.» the Mother said. «Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.»...
35. It’s dark in hereA woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there ... Читать далее...
36. Represent ChristmasThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he ... Читать далее...
37. Entering Pearly GatesThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he ... Читать далее...
38. A Jewish MotherHi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I ... Читать далее...
39. A man calls his mother in FloridaA man calls his mother in Florida. «Mom, how are you?» «Not too good,»says the mother. «I’ve been very weak.» The son says, «Why are you so weak?» She says, «Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.» The man says, «That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, «Because I didn’t ... Читать далее...
40. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...