A nun arrives at the local bar

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1. Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a […]...
2. Bloke is drinking at a pub Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. “Don’t be stupid,” says the barman, “We’ve got a perfectly good toilet here!” “Yes,” explains the drinker, “but I take salts.” “So what??!! That doesn’t matter – you […]...
3. Double vodka A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodka.” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same […]...
4. Перевод слова pint Pint – пинта, кружка эля или пива Перевод слова Pint of milk – пинта молока give us the price of a pint! – налейте кружечку half-pint – бутылка в полпинты A Pint of bitter, please. Пинту горького, пожалуйста. The soldier took pride in being able to gulp back a whole Pint of beer at once. […]...
5. A snooker player Bill Webeniuk was famous for his drinking ability William Alexander “Bill” Werbeniuk (14 January 1947 – 20 January 2003) was a Canadian professional snooker and pool player. Recognisable for his girth, he was nicknamed “Big Bill”. William Werbeniuk was born on 14 January 1947 in Winnipeg. His paternal grandfather had immigrated to Canada from Ukraine; his father, according to Werbeniuk, “was one of […]...
6. A man walks into a pub The following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, “cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! – I’ll have a large whiskey please, barman.” The man takes his whiskey and downs it. “Same again?” asks the barman. “Okay” […]...
7. Значение идиомы nurse a drink [nurse a drink] {v. phr.}, {informal} To hold a drink in one’s handat a party, pretending to be drinking it or taking extremely smallsips only. John’s been nursing that drink all evening....
8. A Duck walks into a bar A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: […]...
9. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after […]...
10. Значение идиомы drink like a fish [drink like a fish] {v. phr.} To drink in great quantities; to be addicted to alcohol. John is a nice guy but, unfortunately, he drinks like a fish....
11. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
12. Drink fault-finding guide A solution to all of your drinking troubles Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is […]...
13. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkers Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London […]...
14. Перевод слова alcohol Alcohol – алкоголь, спирт Перевод слова Absolute alcohol – чистый спирт denatured alcohol – денатурат methyl alcohol – метиловый спирт alcohol addict – алкоголик I abstain from Alcohol. Я воздерживаюсь от алкоголя. Alcohol fogs his brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги. His breath stank of Alcohol. От него воняло перегаром. Примеры из жизни Обратите внимание, что […]...
15. A man running a little behind schedule arrives A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying […]...
16. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself […]...
17. Warning labels If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let’s at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major […]...
18. A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer. She grabs the beer and tips it down the back of her skirt. The barman looks amazed as she orders another and again tips it down her skirt. Finally, the barman says: “Why are you tipping your drinks down your skirt?” “Well,” the chick replies, […]...
19. Значение идиомы pint-size [pint-size] {adj.}, {informal} Very small. The new pint-size, portable TV sets have a very clear picture. It was funny to hear apint-size voice coming out of a great big man....
20. I am afraid of that tarmac A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman […]...
21. A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. […]...
22. Kick-ass sermon A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, […]...
23. Алкоголь/ Alcohol На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Alcohol Алкоголь Health is the main value in every person’s life. It is important to take good care of it and to avoid bad habits, such as alcohol misuse, drug abuse, smoking, etc. One of the most harmful effects on our body is caused by drinking alcohol. Some […]...
24. Humor about Dumb Irishmen The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]...
25. Bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy […]...
26. A man is waiting for his wife to give birth A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, […]...
27. A story with a moral While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, “Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?” “Why Yes, John, that would be nice,” said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and […]...
28. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
29. A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.” Confounded at the woman’s thrift, […]...
30. Pirate at the local bar discusses his past A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and […]...
31. I was shopping at our local supermarket I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, “Paper or plastic?” “It doesn’t matter,” she replied, “I’m bisacksual.”...
32. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
33. The local priest came across Paddy who had The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”...
34. A Lutheran minister is driving down A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.” The […]...
35. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.” The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with […]...
36. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
37. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
38. Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. “Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.” “No,” she cries, “It’s too far.” “I play football, I can catch him.” The […]...
39. Перевод слова drink Drink – пить, напиток Перевод слова Long drink – стакан пива in drink – пьяный; в пьяном виде to drink air – жадно глотать воздух Oh for a Drink! Ах, как хочется пить! I need a Drink. Мне надо выпить. I owe you a Drink. Я должен тебе выпивку....
40. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...