A new tax
Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D. C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 – P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040. 10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00 8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00 5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00 Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!! Additionally, males exceeding 12 inches must file under Capital Gains. Sincerely, Peter Checker Internal Revenue Service
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- Перевод слова revenue Revenue – доход, государственные доходы Перевод слова Revenue stamp – гербовая марка revenue tariff – фискальный тариф weekly revenue – недельный доход to collect revenue – получать доход It is plain that we do overspend our Revenue. Ясно, что мы тратим больше, чем получаем. The Revenue figures may be slightly exaggerated. Показатели выручки могут быть […]...
- Перевод слова luxury Luxury – роскошь Перевод слова Life of aimless ease and luxury – жизнь, протекающая в бесцельной праздности и роскоши equivocal luxury – подозрительная роскошь an air of luxury – атмосфера роскоши luxury liner – комфортабельный лайнер They lived in Luxury. Они жили в роскоши. Can we afford the Luxury of a second car? Мы можем […]...
- Перевод слова privilege Privilege – привилегия, преимущество Перевод слова Franking privilege – право на бесплатные почтовые отправления special privilege – особая привилегия to abuse a privilege – злоупотреблять привилегией It has been a great Privilege to serve under you. Служить под вашим началом было большой честью. It was an honor and a Privilege to dine with royalty. Возможность […]...
- A stuttering problem A man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this […]...
- Перевод слова pole Pole – шест, столб, веха; полюс Перевод слова Telegraph pole – телеграфный столб magnetic pole – магнитный полюс to put up a pole – ставить шест The curtain Pole can be cut to length. Карниз можно укоротить. The ends of the cloth lap around the Pole. Края ткани обернуты вокруг древка. Edwards cleared 18 feet […]...
- Перевод слова internal Internal – внутренний; душевный Перевод слова Internal parts of a body – внутренние органы internal parts of the earth – недра земли internal thoughts – сокровенные мысли internal resentment – внутреннее возмущение He died of Internal bleeding. Он умер от внутреннего кровотечения. This medicine must not be taken Internally. Это лекарство нельзя принимать внутрь. The […]...
- Перевод слова South Pole South Pole – Южный полюс Перевод слова South magnetic pole – южный магнитный полюс south celestial pole – южный полюс небесной сферы south geographic pole – южный географический полюс The North Pole and the South Pole are antipodes. Северный полюс и Южный полюс – антиподы. Amundsen’s expedition was the first to reach the South Pole. […]...
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- Перевод слова North Pole North Pole – Северный полюс Перевод слова An expedition to the North Pole – экспедиция на Северный полюс north-seeking pole – положительный магнитный полюс; полюс, указывающий на север north galactic pole – северный галактический полюс north magnetic pole – северный магнитный полюс north geomagnetic pole – северный геомагнитный полюс The North Pole turned into a […]...
- Значение идиомы by inches [by inches] {adv. phr.} By small or slow degrees; little by little; gradually. The river was rising by inches. They got a heavy wooden beam under the barn for a lever, and managed to move it by inches. He was dying by inches....
- Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away […]...
- Значение идиомы bring into line [bring into line] {v. phr.} To make someone conform to the accepted standard. Sam had to be brought into line when he refused to take his muddy shoes off the cocktail table....
- Значение идиомы line [line] See: BLOW ONE’S LINES or FLUFF ONE’S LINES, CHOW LINE, DOWNTHE LINE, DRAW A LINE or DRAW THE LINE, DROP A LINE, END OF THE ROADor END OF THE LINE, FOUL LINE, GOAL LINE, GOAL LINE STAND, HOLD THELINE, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, IN LINE, IN LINE WITH, INTO LINE, LAY ONTHE LINE or […]...
- Profit and Loss Dolores: Manuel in accounting is supposed to help me with this report, but he called in sick today! I can’t believe my luck. He’s supposed to be Training me in and he’s left me Holding the bag. Anton: Let me see if I can help. Dolores: I’m supposed to use the information from this Profit […]...
- Значение идиомы not to touch with a ten-foot pole [not to touch with a ten-foot pole] {v. phr.} Toconsider something completely undesirable or uninteresting. Somepeople won’t touch spinach with a ten-foot pole. Kids who wouldn’ttouch an encyclopedia with a ten-foot pole love to find informationwith this computer program....
- Перевод слова standard Standard – стандарт, норма, эталон; нормальный, стандартный Перевод слова Standards of international law – нормы международного права standard conditions – нормальные условия standard film – стандартная кинопленка We paid them the Standard rate. Мы заплатили им по стандартному тарифу. Standard examples were drummed into students’ heads. Типичные примеры вдалбливались в головы студентов. His photographs set […]...
- A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
- Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. “Shit,” said the driver to his passenger. “What kind […]...
- When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife […]...
- An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied. Two days later, Mr. […]...
- An elderly couple in a senior home An elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. “What’s she got that I […]...
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- Перевод слова service Service – обслуживание, сервис, служба, обслуживать Перевод слова Domestic service – домашняя работа, обязанности слуги the consular service – консульская служба to service a car – обслуживать автомобиль I am glad to be of Service. Рад оказать услугу. He did a year’s military Service. Он отслужил в армии один год. I’m getting the bus home […]...
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- One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
- Jack goes to the doctor and says Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try […]...
- Three altar boys are standing in the snow with Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, “Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.” The tallest altar boy turns around and […]...
- A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
- Here is this guy who really takes care of his body Here is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decies to do something about it. He goes to the […]...
- Значение идиомы at one’s service [at one’s service] {adv. phr.} 1. Ready to serve or help you; prepared to obey your wish or command; subject to your orders. He placed himself completely at the President’s service. “Now I am at your service,” the dentist told the next patient. 2. Available for your use; at your disposal. He put a car […]...
- Значение идиомы lay on the line [lay on the line] or [put on the line] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. Topay or offer to pay. The sponsors had to lay nearly a milliondollars on the line to keep the show on TV. The bank is putting$5,000 on the line as a reward to anyone who catches the robber. Compare: PUT UP. 2. […]...
- Значение идиомы room service [room service] {n.} Service provided to hotel guests in theirrooms. Also: The hotel workers who give this service. We called forroom service when we wanted ice. Room service will install a TVset in your room upon demand....
- Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...
- Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
- Перевод слова line Line – линия, черта, ряд Перевод слова To draw a line from A to B – провести линию от A до B a long line of low hills – длинный ряд невысоких холмов long-distance line – междугородная или международная линия Hold the Line! Не вешайте трубку! He stood second in Line. Он был вторым в […]...
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- A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
- Перевод слова form Form – форма, разновидность; бланк; формировать, образовывать Перевод слова Without shape or form – бесформенный in any shape or form – в любом виде it’s a form of influenza – это особая форма гриппа a form of application – форма заявления to form a choir – создавать хор Fog Forms in the valleys. Туман возникает […]...