A man was driving from New York to San Francisco

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1. Confession The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, “Father, I never wears panties under my habit.” The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail […]...
2. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes […]...
3. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
4. Значение идиомы house of ill fame [house of ill fame] or [of ill repute] {n. phr.} A bordello; abrothel. At the edge of town there is a house of ill repute run bya Madame who used to be a singer in a bar....
5. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, “I did that by accident.” She replied, “I know that, daddy.” He replied, “How’d you know?” The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”...
6. A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in […]...
7. Driving in Great Britain – Вождение в Великобритании Welcome to the free Tourist Information Line for visitors to Great Britain. For information on visas and immigration, please press one. For information on driving in Britain, please press two. For information on hotels, please press three. For information on public transport in Britain, please press four. To return to this menu at any time […]...
8. Juggler, driving to his next performance Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. ‘What are those knives doing in your car?’ asked the officer. ‘I juggle them in my act.’ Oh yeah?’ says the cop. ‘Let’s see you do it.’ So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, […]...
9. A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop. “I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling […]...
10. A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker. “Oh,” says the older priest, “give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents.”...
11. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, “Pig!” The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, “Bitch!” They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next […]...
12. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks […]...
13. Do this while driving Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below “things to do while driving”, as all driving should be taken seriously. The below “things to do while driving” are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows […]...
14. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. “Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 […]...
15. Перевод слова reaction Reaction – реакция, отклик, противодействие Перевод слова Chemical reaction – химическая реакция delayed reaction – замедленная реакция action and reaction – действие и противодействие His Reaction was predictable. Его реакция была предсказуемой. My gut Reaction was not to trust him. Интуиция мне подсказывала, что ему доверять не стоит. I was gauging her Reaction to the […]...
16. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...
17. Перевод идиомы be in the driving seat, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be in the driving seat Идиома: be in the driving seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: The consumer is in the driving seat due to the huge range of goods on the market. Потребитель имел весь контроль над ситуацией из-за огромного выбора товаров на рынке....
18. Don’t do while driving We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes. When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also […]...
19. California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right […]...
20. Driving Directions I was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work […]...
21. Driving Directions I was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work […]...
22. A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly […]...
23. Drinking and driving The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, […]...
24. Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with […]...
25. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands There’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on […]...
26. A guy was driving home one evening A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter’s birthday and that he hasn’t bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was “now or never”, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and […]...
27. The same thing A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, “I had an affair with a woman… almost.” The priest says, “what do you mean almost?” The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.” The priest replies, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not […]...
28. Criminal steals lumber A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked. “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two […]...
29. Перевод слова severe Severe – строгий, суровый Перевод слова Severe look – строгий взгляд severe looks – суровый вид severe logician – строгий логик It was a Severe jolt to her pride. Это было жестоким ударом по ее гордости. The trees were killed off by the Severe winter. Деревья погибли этой суровой зимой. A Severe earthquake struck the […]...
30. Значение идиомы drive at [drive at] {v.} To try or want to say; mean. – Used in the present participle. John did not understand what the coach was driving at. He had been talking for half an hour before anyone realized what he was driving at....
31. Dangerous Freeway Driving I do a lot of driving in my job. You would think that driving several hours Each way would Get old really fast, but I have ways of making an Interminable drive seem much more exciting. I like to drive fast on the freeways. I usually Pass all of the slower cars by staying in […]...
32. A man was driving through West Virginia A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, “I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?” The men answered, “Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw”. He then asked, “What do you hunt and kill?” […]...
33. Nicknames for Cleveland and Detroit Many American cities have interesting nicknames. Nicknames can help establish the identity of a city. They can also spread pride among its citizens. But nicknames sometimes can make fun of something. Cleveland, Ohio is a city in America’s Midwest. One of its earliest nicknames was Forest City. No one knows for sure who gave it […]...
34. Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. “I’m sorry, sister,” said the attendant, “but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. […]...
35. A ventriloquist was driving in the country A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the […]...
36. During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. “Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, “*Yours* is.”...
37. A loving couple Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. “Bill darling,” she breathed. “I’ve got a confession to make before I go… I… I’m the one who took the $10,000 […]...
38. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...
39. A man is driving down the freeway A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; “Get gas and free sex here”. So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. “Pick a number from 1 – 10 to get free sex.” said the cashier. “Uh, okay, 3!” the man replied. […]...
40. Driving Through a Speed Trap Angel: Why are you driving At a snail’s pace? Georgina: This is an Infamous speed trap. I don’t want to get a Ticket – again. Angel: I don’t see any Squad cars along the road. Are you sure this is the right Stretch of road? Georgina: I’m sure. Those Cops are Crafty. They Hide out […]...